My samurai
by AllenWalker1018
Summary: Allen had a few bad years in high school. Two years later he's getting help with his mental troubles. One actor Yu Kanda may be just what the troubled self hating author needs to heal and move on. Yullen. Rated M for reasons.
1. Meeting the actorauthor

**AN: Edited Chapter. **

**I do not** **own any of the characters. Not gonna mention that the characters belong to the writer of DGM. Clearly its not needed and Im not claiming the characters.**

**spoiler warning: There is rape in a few chapters in this story. (Someone asked for this warning in the summary but I don't want it there so I'm putting it here.) Don't like? Don't read. I do not approve of rape but it is a good catalyst as to why Allen is the way he is.**

The young author was pacing the living room of his somewhat upscale open floor planned apartment. He was in only a large white button up shirt but of course even alone in his apartment he wore his white fabric gloves. Usually pacing helped a little but the author's writer's block had not changed in the last two hours he had been pacing. A knock on his apartment door made him jump a little before he moved to the door only opening it a crack to peek out. Out in the hall stood a tall man with long fiery red hair and glasses staring down at the white haired fairly short author.

"Marian-san…. I sent in the drafts… why are you here?" The author, Allen Walker, asked timidly. His deadline for his next bit wasn't due for another two months. Which is why Allen was rather confused as the why his editor, Cross Marian, was at his door.

"Remember that actor you wanted as the main character for you movie turned book?" Cross practically forced his way into the apartment. Allen sighed closing the door following behind Cross to the living room.

"Yes. What about it? Oh did he answer?" Allen suddenly felt happy yet nervous. Cross turned to face Allen about to light a cigarette but he noticed Allen tense up at the sight of the cigarette even though Allen tried to hide it. Cross looked to the cigarette before putting it away.

"Yeah. He's agreed to take the part. But on one condition." Cross held up his index finger which Allen blinked at.

"What might that be?" Allen inquired. What could the actor possibly want with Allen? He had no real say over anything concerning the movie or anything involving the actors….

"He wants to meet the author. You." Cross replied. Panic set in and Allen didn't even hide it.

"What? No. Not me. Have him meet my stand in. No way. I can't….he can't see me…." Allen started to pace again in distress rather than trying to get rid of his writers block. Cross watched Allen closely, he still had no idea what had Allen too afraid to really go out and meet people…it had started a few years ago. He started to act strange when he was 16 then at 20 he changed again. Moved into this apartment and rarely left it but for absolutely necessary things like groceries and such.

"Allen. He'll be here in ten minutes." That made Allen freeze before slowly turning to face Cross. Shock and horror covering his face. "He's your idol no? Why don't you want to meet him? I know how much you 'like" him."

"That…is two very different things! I never wanted to meet him in person! No! Don't let him in! I can't let him see me! He can't see me!" Allen closed his eyes and covered his ears like a child. Cross stared at Allen confused.

"Allen what the hell is your problem? Why are you so freaked out?" Cross demanded but Allen didn't move.

"I'm hideous. Tainted. No. He shouldn't have to look at me. I can't stand it when you look at me. You shouldn't have to see me either. No." Allen muttered like a fearful child as he turned running to his room.

"Damn it Allen! Do I need to call Froi?" Cross growled as he followed after Allen. Allen was in his room the door closed as he was putting on some black dress pants but wasn't bothering to tuck in his somewhat wrinkled shirt.

"No! No….I'm fine….just don't let…." Allen was cut off by a knock on the front door earning both peoples attention. Cross started for the front door. Allen stood in his room trembling trying to figure out what to do. Cross let in the actor who was actually a little early. Allen could barely hear them talking from his room. Allen opened the door just a tiny bit to see Cross who was facing his door and a shorter long haired man in front of Cross with his back to Allen. The man's long dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. He had one hand on his hip in a display of agitation. Cross' eyes shifted from the man in front of him to Allen who was spying. The actor turned his head to look over his shoulder at what had earned Cross' attention. Allen jumped when dark blue eyes locked with his own grey eyes.

"Che. That's the author? He's just a kid." The actor stated a little annoyed.

"22" Allen called softly causing the actor to make a slightly puzzled look.

"What?" The actor demanded.

"I'm not a kid. I'm 22." Allen poked his head out a little.

"Well what the hell are you doing hiding like a kid if you aren't one?" The actor growled sending Allen back into hiding some.

"Don't do that. He's had some issues in the past. Not that he would tell anyone what happened." The last sentence Cross said was louder as that was aimed at Allen.

"I told **_someone_** just not you. Or anyone but my therapist…." Allen slowly emerged from his room standing in the hall awkwardly as he stared at the floor nervously. The actor scoffed not one hundred percent sure what to make of the white haired 'kid'.

"So Moyashi…..you're Guardian?" The actor turned to fully face Allen which for some reason made Allen blush looking further to the ground and take a step back. As the actor started to move closer to Allen Cross put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Cross would never really admit it out loud but he cared about Allen and didn't like him being scared.

"M-moyashi….? Allen. My name is Allen…." Allen peeked up at the actor. Man….he never though Yu Kanda, his most favorite actor could be so….broody….. Kanda had been an actor since he was a child and Allen had watched every single movie or show Kanda had been in.

"Moyashi fits you better. That should be your pen name." Kanda huffed looking away folding his arms over his chest. Allen sighed softly. Slowly Allen walked up to the two guests in his apartment.

"Would you like something to drink Kanda-san?" Allen offered quietly as he walked past the two keeping as much distance as possible at the same time.

"Tea." Kanda turned same as Cross to watch Allen. Allen walked to the open kitchen setting up a kettle on the stove before getting a tea cup down and a glass. As the water heated up Allen poured Cross a glass of wine handing it to him.

"Thanks." Cross took the drink moving to sit on the couch. Kanda watched Allen as he stayed in the kitchen staring at the kettle as if that would speed up the process or something.

"So….Kanda-san….why did you want to meet me…?" Allen asked still staring at the kettle.

"Just Kanda. And look at who you are speaking to. Its rude not to." Kanda growled. Allen quickly looked at Kanda scared and not just from his tone of voice and Kanda could tell that…

"I'm sorry." Allen said softly.

"I wanted to meet Guardian cause I read all the books and was….curious." That was it? That was the only reason Kanda had wanted to meet him? That surprised Allen for some reason….

"You read all the books I wrote? Really? That makes me really happy." Allen smiled happily. Kanda actually blushed at the smile before looking away.

"Don't think too much on it. They aren't half bad that's all." Kanda huffed. Allen smiled chuckling softly.

"Even you saying they weren't half bad means a whole lot to me. You have no idea. Really." Allen smiled. In all honesty the main character of the series that was now being turned into a movie which Kanda was now starring in was based off of Kanda….not that Allen planned on telling him that.

"Whatever." The kettle going off drew their attention. Allen prepared the tea before setting it on the coffee table for Kanda gesturing politely offering him a seat on one of the couches. Kanda sat down on the couch opposite of Cross who was silently drinking. Allen sat beside Cross but not too close. The room was silent for a while till Cross' phone went off. After his conversation was over Cross stood up holding his empty glass out to Allen who took it looking up at him.

"I have to go. Will you be alright?" Allen could tell by Cross' eyes what he was referring to exactly, that being the actor who sat across from Allen.

"Yes." Allen said after some thought. "I'll be fine…Thank you Marian-san." Cross ruffled Allen's hair gently before glaring softly at Kanda then leaving.

"What the hell was that for?" Kanda demanded when Cross was gone. Allen laughed nervously.

"Sorry. He's protective though he won't care to admit it." Allen stood up taking Cross' glass to the kitchen.

"What is he? Your father or something?" Kanda huffed.

"Sort of actually. He's been helping me out ever since Mana, my foster father died when I was young." Allen commented from the kitchen.

"How young?" Kanda actually sounded a little interested.

"Hm? Oh….I was….about ten...Hard to say….I don't even know when my real….ah it's not important." Allen walked out of the kitchen sitting back on the couch.

"What don't you know?" Clearly Kanda wasn't going to let it go. Allen sighed softly.

"My real birthday…my birth parents abandoned me as a baby….I really don't talk about it…." Allen gave a polite smile to in a way ask Kanda to drop it.

"Really….huh." Kanda turned away. To break the silence that had stretched too long Allen turned the tv on to some random channel. Allen made his way to the kitchen to get Kanda some more tea. Kanda looked over his shoulder to the tv for some form of entertainment while Allen was away.

_"….And Tyki Mikk another actor is flying into to play part in up and coming…" _Kanda's attention was taken from the tv to the sound of crashing in the kitchen. When Kanda went to the kitchen to see Allen kneeling on the floor eyes shut and ears covers.

"No no no no no…" Allen whispered over and over. He freaked out falling back when Kanda had knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. Allen looked down right terrified.

"Moyashi. What's wrong?" Kanda reached out to Allen who pulled away.

"No!" Allen covered his face turning his head away.

"What's wrong? Should I call Cross?" Kanda really had no idea what was wrong with Allen, why he was freaking out or what to do to make him stop. Guess Allen wasn't going to be okay alone with him.

"No….no….Tiedoll….Tiedoll…." Allen said behind his hands. Kanda blinked. Tiedoll…and Allen had a therapist? Only one person came to Kanda's mind. He pulled his phone out of his pocket dialing a number.

"Hey old man. I think…one of your patients is having a break down and I don't know what to do." Kanda spoke as Allen sat trying to make himself as small as possible trembling in fear.

"What? Yu….who are you with? What are you talking about?" An older gentle man's voice replied.

"I don't know. His name is Allen….that's all I know. All I know is he has a therapist and he's asking for 'Tiedoll' so…" Kanda was cut off by Tiedoll.

"Allen? Allen Walker? Can you put him on the phone?" Tiedoll was a little concerned.

"Not really old man! He's in a full blown panic attack!" Kanda growled.

"Yu….where are you?" Tiedoll asked. It was surprising that Kanda wasn't even mad that Tiedoll was using Kanda's first name.

"At his apartment. I don't know what to do! He's crying…and hiding…in a sense. He won't let me…." Kanda was cut off again by Tiedoll.

"Don't touch him. Just wait there. I'll be there shortly." And with that Tiedoll hung up leaving Kanda still very confused. When Tiedoll knocked at the door Kanda quickly answered the door. Tiedoll hurried to Allen who was still on the kitchen floor trembling but he hadn't said a word since saying Tiedoll's name. "Allen…..what happened?" Tiedoll asked softly as he knelt down in front of Allen in ball form. Tiedoll hadn't seen Allen this bad in a long time…at least a year. He had thought they had been making good progress….

"T-Tiedoll…." Allen slowly peeked at Tiedoll.

"Yeah. I'm here….Can you tell me what happened?" Tiedoll sighed when Allen shook his head hiding his tear stained face again. Tiedoll stood up looking to Kanda who was standing off to the side watching them. "What happened before he got scared?"

"I don't know. He turned on the tv, went to the kitchen to get me some more tea then all I heard was the cup break." Kanda shrugged.

"What was on tv?" Both looked to Allen when he protested.

"No no no. Bad. Bad name….bad man….bad place….why?" Allen said still hiding. Kanda had no idea what he was going on about but Tiedoll seemed to know.

"Oh….that explains it….you're okay Allen…You're safe. Remember? This is a safe place…." Tiedoll said softly as he knelt down in front of Allen again. Kanda tried to recall what had been playing on tv….but for some reason he couldn't remember.

"No….he came back….he's here….what if he comes and….no…" Allen sobbed. Tiedoll tried to calm Allen but nothing worked.

"Allen should I get Cross? I can't seem to reassure you…you're safe…." Tiedoll was a little lost.

"No. I…I….no. I….I'm okay…..I'm okay I think…." Allen took a deep breath as he slowly started to calm down a little. Slowly he looked up at Tiedoll.

"Hey….there you are." Tiedoll smiled softly as he pulled out a handkerchief. "Can I wipe your face?" Allen slowly nodded in response. Tiedoll gently wiped Allen's tears away.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be a bother to either of you….." Allen sighed closing his eyes when Tiedoll was done being fatherly.

"It's fine Allen. This hasn't happened in a good long while….this is good progress. There are bound to be some steps back….it happens. I'm here to help you Allen so don't worry." Tiedoll gave a big smile. Allen sighed again lying down on his side.

"You really shouldn't lay there stupid Moyashi….there's tea cup pieces everywhere…." Kanda remarked making Allen look at him before closing his eyes.

"Yu….look….you should really be nicer…." Tiedoll sighed as he stood up getting the dust pan to clean up the broken cup. He had learned it was best not to touch Allen or try to move him after such episodes. Once the cup was cleaned up Tiedoll sat on the floor next to Allen. "Allen….now….do you care to talk?"

"Not really…"Allen sighed again. That was a concerning sign.

"Allen…" Tiedoll called Allen's attention.

"Yes?" Allen opened his eyes to look at Tiedoll. Even Kanda who had only met Allen today noticed the difference in Allen's demeanor. Yes Allen was shy but this passive….it was strange.

"Old man….what's wrong….?" Kanda called but Tiedoll waved him off not looking from Allen.

"Allen….focus. Please. Remember who you are. Where you are. You're not there anymore. No need for the defense." Tiedoll spoke softly, like to a young confused child.

"Heh. But its nice…I keep him safe….isn't that important…Allen being safe? No pain….no feelings…." Allen spoke in a more….playful manner or something like it.

"Nea…Allen doesn't need you anymore….he can't heal if you're still here…He needs to stand on his own…." Tiedoll explained carefully.

"No. You're wrong. He needs me. I keep him safe. He's here and Allen needs to be kept safe. **_You_** can't keep him safe. You don't understand. You won't be there if he finds Allen." 'Nea' smiled at Tiedoll almost sweetly.

"Allen **_is_** safe. It's been two years. I'm sure whoever hurt Allen has long since given up on him." Tiedoll offered.

"One does not give up on an obsession so easily." 'Nea' stated.

"You think he was obsessed with Allen?" Tiedoll even after two years didn't really have an any understanding to what had happened to Allen the four years he had been away from Cross.

"Heh. Of course. He didn't want anyone to have Allen. To want him….that's why he hurt him." 'Nea' put a hand to Allen's chest grinning. "He scarred Allen mentally, physically so no one would want him. So all Allen had was him. That is obsession is it not mister therapist?"

"…..I suppose you are right. But Allen has people to protect him. His friends, Cross, Me…you are only hurting Allen at this point which goes against your original creation no?" Tiedoll pointed out.

"Cross? Ha fat lot of good that drunk has done for Allen. Took him a year to find out Mana had passed, that was a year Allen was on his own. So don't you dare talk about Allen having people! No one noticed his pain but me! So just leave him alone! He doesn't need you! Any of you! Only me!" 'Nea' sat up pushing on Tiedoll's shoulders but Tiedoll refused to budge.

"Nea….I think….you like that man…that you want to be with that man…all you did was talk about him before…I think you are obsessed with him as much as he was obsessed with Allen…" Tiedoll remarked making 'Nea' stare at him wide eyed.

"S-shut up! You're wrong! Stupid!" 'Nea' laid back down closing his eyes. Tiedoll sighed when Allen's breathing showed he was fast asleep. After some silence Kanda spoke.


	2. Small chat

"Who the fuck is Nea?" Kanda demanded. Tiedoll lifted Allen up off the floor carrying him to his bed laying him down before going to the living room to sit on the couch.

"Nea is Allen's split personality. I'm not sure exactly when he was created but he served as a shield when things were happening and Allen wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He would take over so Allen wouldn't have to feel the pain and really not even remember a lot of what happened. I haven't heard from Nea in a long time…this is a step further back than I would have liked…" Tiedoll sighed. Now came the debate. What was best to do with Allen? How best to help him. Tiedoll had to call Cross…Allen wasn't a minor so Tiedoll really couldn't tell Cross what Allen told him…but Cross needed to know. "I have to call Cross."

"Froi. What the hell am I here for?" Cross demanded as he sat on one of the couches in Allen's apartment. Allen was still asleep which wasn't uncommon after Nea would leave. Kanda was sitting at the breakfast bar facing sideways so he could see the two in the living room who sat across from one another.

"Cross….Allen had a bad panic attack. Kanda called me and I had a talk with…Allen…for a moment." Tiedoll started to explain.

"Nea came back….didn't he? What happened?" Cross automatically looked to Kanda glaring slightly but Kanda sat unbothered. He hadn't done anything wrong so he needn't be bothered by Cross' glare.

"No not Yu. I think…something….a person on the tv triggered it. He said he knew the person who had hurt him was back. But…that's actually not my main concern. My main concern is Nea….I think it's actually Nea who keeps Allen locked up here so he'll feel alone and be driven back to that person…." Tiedoll sighed. Cross stared at Tiedoll, he had never thought of that.

"So…one side loves that man….and the other is terrified…that's…..rather complicated….damn kid…your life really sucks." Cross muttered looking away closing his eyes.

"…Don't say that. Don't pity me…" A small voice earned everyone's attention. Allen stood half asleep just barely in the room. They all stared wide eyed at Allen Cross most of all.

"Kid…." Cross started but was cut off by Allen shaking his head.

"I'll be alright. Really. I'm fine." Allen smiled softly.

"Allen….were you aware of Nea?" Tiedoll spoke up.

"Of course. Nea promised me he would keep me safe. When bad times were happening he would take my place….I know he wants to be real….to take my place and always be with…**_him_**. But the bad times are over and I don't need Nea right? I can learn to…block him can't I Tiedoll….?" Everyone looked to Tiedoll.

"Of course you can Allen. You….created Nea…you can be rid of him as well. It will just take some time…" Tiedoll nodded. Allen rubbed his face with his hands still rather tired.

"Why don't you get some more sleep kid?" Cross stood up walking over to Allen.

"Allen. My name is Allen. Not kid or Moyashi. Allen." Allen walked away from Cross towards the kitchen. Everyone watched Allen like he might explode or something while he got a glass of water to drink.

"Allen…how are you feeling?" Tiedoll called. Allen rubbed his forehead before pushing his bangs out of his face.

"I don't want to talk….not right now…Just…everyone leave…please…?" Allen said to the kitchen sink. "I'm going to go back to bed. So there's no point in any of you being here…" Allen took his glass of water heading to the bathroom.

"He's probably taking his sleep medication. He'll be asleep soon. Let's go." Tiedoll ushered the others out of the apartment. Cross used his spare key to lock the door before leaving. Allen stood in the bathroom after taking his sleep medication staring in the mirror. Slowly Allen started to unbutton his shirt before taking it off. All over his chest were scars, the biggest one was a huge jagged scar that ran from his right shoulder down vertically almost all the way down to his hip. His left arm was scarred from having been burned in a fire. Allen stared in the mirror touching the scars with his right unmarked hand before punching the mirror cracking it and cutting his hand. Allen scowled before leaving the bathroom going to his bed to sleep for a while.

Kanda got into his car and sped off to not even god knows where as he had some thinking to do. Tiedoll and Cross stood outside the apartment building debating things. Cross was happy to light a cigarette as soon as he was outside. They decided they would go to Tiedoll's office and talk about Allen.

"So….what the hell do you think brought Nea back?" Cross inquired as he sat at Tiedoll's desk putting his feet up on the surface. Tiedoll sat on one of the couches in the room.

"Well I'm going to assume whatever triggered Allen's panic attack. Not to protect Allen as he claims though. I think the name of the person was said on the tv and Allen reached in fear and Nea reacted in longing….I can't say for sure. There is still a lot Allen is hiding from me…Too bad Yu couldn't remember what was on the tv…" Tiedoll sighed. And if only Allen would open up more. If Tiedoll understood everything that had happened to Allen he could help him heal. Really all Tiedoll had learned in the past two years was that a man had seriously scarred Allen. Physically and mentally, though Tiedoll had only learned of the scars today not that he had seen them. Tiedoll knew that Allen had been pretty much imprisoned by that man for four years and was forced to do things that Allen hadn't wanted to do. Which led to the creation of Nea Tiedoll was sure.

**AN: For new readers I forgot to mention in the first AN that there is sometimes rape there will be warnings in the beginning of the chapters that contain rape.**

"I don't understand him. Does he not want help?" Cross sighed in aggravation.

"He does. He reached out to me. He just doesn't want anyone to know the pain he's going through. He doesn't want to be a burden on anyone. But he also doesn't want to be weak. So he **_does_** want help but it's conflicting. Be weak and get help. Or be weak by fear." Tiedoll couldn't really explain it right in words.

"He doesn't want people to see how 'tainted' he is. That's what it is. Has nothing to do with being weak for him. He called himself tainted I'm not saying he is. It's eating him alive….doesn't take a therapist to see the kid is breaking." Cross sighed again. Damn if only he had paid more attention to Allen. This wouldn't have happened if he had noticed what was going on with Allen.

"Tainted….that's not a new term for him to say…I thought we had gotten past that….I might have to start all over with him. Just what happened to him?" Tiedoll sighed also. Seems his thoughts on how well they had been doing was entirely wrong. Well they had an appointment in two days so Tiedoll had some time to figure out a plan.


	3. Session

Two days later came said appointment and Allen was pacing the room which was routine for their meetings. Tiedoll watched Allen as he paced around. They had only just started and Allen had already shut down. Tiedoll had confronted Allen about telling him everything that had happened during the four years Allen had lived away from Cross. It was clear Allen was debating what to do. He kept looking to the door in an almost indiscreet way as if he might make a run for it rather than share his history. Finally Allen sat on the couch across from Tiedoll deciding he would share his story.

_"Hey kid. I've seen you sitting here alone a lot. Don't you have any friends?" A tall man with long dark curly hair who was clearly of a whole different class than Allen stood in front of almost 16 year old Allen who was sitting in a park near his high school. Allen stared up into the man's golden eyes for a while deciding what to say or if to say anything at all. _

_ "Not really. I prefer being alone." Allen added the last part in hope the man would take a hint and leave but it seemed Allen had no such luck. The man decided to sit on the bench beside Allen. Allen slid away from the stranger a little clearly not liking how close they were._

_ "Are you afraid of germs or something?" the man inquired curiously as he looked to Allen's gloved hand that gripped the edge of the bench. Allen also looked down to his hand. He pulled his hand away when the man reached out to touch his hand._

_ "No." Allen stated plainly with a hint of irritation. The man pulled his own hand back watching Allen closely making Allen very uncomfortable. He could tell something was off about this man. "I have to go." Allen stood up about to leave till the man grabbed Allen's wrist. As Allen pulled his wrist away he lost his glove. Sadly it was his left hand to his scarred hand showed. Allen quickly snatched his glove from the man putting it back on his hand before running away. The stranger watched Allen run away with a devious grin. _

_ A few days later Allen was in the public library in a small conference he often used to do his school work in or just hang out when he didn't feel like being at home alone. His heart sank when the stranger from the park entered the room closing the door and quietly locking it. Allen stood up looking like he might throw one of his books at the man._

_ "Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. That's all." The man assured Allen who did not relax at all. He actually moved to the side of the table opposite of the stranger when he started to walk up to Allen. That made the stranger chuckle softly with a predatory look in his eyes. That was a very bad look. Allen was ready to run, luckily all his stuff but one book was in his bag so he could easily grab his bag and run. The stranger produced a large envelope setting it on the table sliding it over to Allen. Slowly, cautiously Allen picked the envelope up. He pulled out some papers examining them carefully. The papers were about a huge outstanding debt Allen's guardian had with a certain family. _

"Wait…." Allen stopped his story telling to discuss something with Tiedoll. Tiedoll was a little surprised by Allen's sudden stop.

"Something wrong?" Tiedoll looked up from his notepad to Allen who seemed concerned.

"I don't care what you tell Marian-san….but you cannot tell him the reason why I was with this man. You promise?" Allen decided if Tiedoll intended to tell Cross, Allen wouldn't tell him anything further and Tiedoll knew this.

"Alright. I won't tell him the reason." Tiedoll nodded before Allen resumed telling his story.

_ "What is this?" Allen demanded looking from the papers to the stranger. The strangers grin only grew. This bode ill for Allen he was sure of that. Allen hadn't even seen his guardian in a few years so why was this man approaching Allen about his debts?_

_ "One Cross Marian's debts to my family. Now since he hasn't been seen or heard from in years….the debt falls to his next of kin in a sense…and that is one Allen Walker. Adopted son of Mana Walker, who then became Cross Marian's charge when Mana died." Allen was surprised the stranger knew so much about him. Wait…Allen looked to the paper again. Cross owed millions of dollars! Allen was only 15! There was no way he could ever pay that off!_

_ "I will never be able to pay this off! This isn't fair!" Allen complained. _

_ "Life isn't fair. But I have a solution. My name is Tyki Mikk…and I can help you pay off the debt since it is to my family…." Tyki, the stranger in front of Allen grinned. When Allen didn't dare ask how he would help Tyki explained himself. "But of course it won't be for free. You'll have to work for me for the money…as my pet." Allen stepped to the side when Tyki started to move around the table. Pet was never a good term to hear when as an occupation to pay off a very high debt. _

_ "Why me? I haven't seen Marian-san in years. He really hasn't been much of a guardian…I shouldn't have to take on his debt." Allen argued hoping he could talk himself out of this but the look in Tyki's eyes really made it hard to believe he could. There was no reasoning with this man. He knew what he wanted and had every intention of getting it. And what Tyki wanted was the sweet innocent looking teen before him. He wanted to break Allen, to break his spirit for some reason. _

_ "He is still your legal guardian and his debts legally fall to you. There is nothing you can do. Do you know what the Noah family is?" Tyki had Allen backed up against a wall. Allen hadn't even registered that he had been backing away from the man till his back gently bumped into the wall. Definitely a place Allen hadn't wanted to find himself in. Since his voice seemed to have run away Allen shook his head. He had never heard of the Noah family before now. _

_ "We're the biggest Mafia family in the country. Most powerful too. Are you sure you wish to upset them? Upset me? Because if this debt isn't paid….we'll go after Cross…and you. And we'll bleed the two of you dry…or kill you. Either one we deem more fitting, more…painful." Tyki made Allen look up at him by tilting his chin up with his index finger and thumb. Allen's eyes went wide when Tyki leaned in but Tyki stopped when their faces were barely an inch apart. Allen's heart was beating fast with fear. Seeing the fear in Allen's face only served to excite Tyki further. "Well? What do you say? Pay off the debt by being my pet till it's paid off or suffer the wrath of the Noah family?"_

_ "D-do I have to decide right now….?" Finally! Now his voice starts to work! Tyki chuckled taking a step back from Allen who did not relax at all. _

_ "You have a day to decide. I'll find you when your time is up. I'll see you around." Tyki promised before leaving as suddenly as he had shown up and scared the hell out of Allen. Allen stood slightly trembling as he stared at the floor. What choice did he really have? He was just a kid with no where to turn. He was on his own and thanks to his lousy excuse of a guardian he was now millions of dollars in debt. _

_ "Damn…." Allen swore as he gathered his stuff leaving the library. He went home to his very small run down one room apartment. It was all his part time job could afford and still let him be able to afford food. Allen dropped his pack right inside the door taking his shoes off before heading to the fridge for some food. After eating Allen tried to work on homework but with what happened at the library he couldn't focus at all. His life was about to become a living hell and he knew it…. But just what would Tyki Mikk do to Allen? None of the thoughts were pleasant ones for Allen…. What the hell was Allen supposed to do!? It wasn't Allen's fault his parents abandoned him at birth, that Mana had died leaving him with the worst guardian in history and it certainly wasn't __**his **__fault the man had drinking problems and no self control. Allen gave up on homework as he could…possibly…work on it tomorrow as he wasn't really sure when Tyki would randomly show up again. _

_ Allen sat watching one of his favorite movies that starred Yu Kanda who was only 17 at the time, but the movie was a little older so Kanda wasn't 17 in the movie. To young Allen Kanda seemed like…a samurai, strong brave, courageous, simply….amazing. As the movie played Allen had a notebook out on the coffee table for him to write his story in as he sat on the floor. _

_ The next day Allen was cleaning his apartment when a rather unwelcomed guest came into his apartment uninvited. Tyki walked into the apartment without even taking his shoes off as he looked around. Allen was standing in the kitchen area staring at Tyki in disbelief for the fact that he knew where Allen was and for his nerve. Well it wasn't overly surprising that Tyki knew where Allen lived given everything else he knew about Allen. _

_ "One bed. You really do live alone." Tyki commented as he sat on the bed in the only room of the apartment other than the bathroom. _

_ "Your point? Who could I possibly live with right now?" Allen practically growled at Tyki which was rather out of character. Usually he was very polite to people. But this man __**did**__ want to turn him into some kind of pet. _

_ "Me." Tyki stated like it was matter of fact. That made Allen go speechless for a moment._

_ "Come again? Sorry…I haven't agreed to anything yet…" Allen countered as he turned away from Tyki not wanting to look at him right now. "I don't even know by what terms of 'pet' you are going off of."_

_ "As a sex slave of course. And what ever else I want. But don't worry. I have no intention of whoring you out or anything. No…your body would belong to only me." Tyki grinned. Allen opened his mouth to protest but he couldn't say no….that would put Cross in danger. And even though Allen never saw him Allen didn't want him to get hurt. Allen balled his hands into fists as he turned to face Tyki._

_ "….I don't really have any choice do I?" Allen growled softly hating the situation he was in. _

_ "We always have a choice, it just seems like we don't. So…are you agreeing?" Tyki stood up from the bed. Allen closed his eyes to think things over._

"So….you felt you had no other choice?" Tiedoll interrupted Allen.

"I didn't. It was pay off the debt or possibly die because of it. And it wasn't just my life in the balance. It was Marian-san's too. I couldn't let him get hurt just cause I didn't want to deal with Tyki." Allen stated standing up rubbing his thighs before he set about pacing again. "So I made a choice. A bad choice but a choice none the less."

"What do you feel when you look at Cross now?" the question made Allen turn to Tiedoll confused.

"Wha- why do you ask?" Allen seemed a little…agitated?

"Well all of this ties back to Cross. Him leaving you alone, accumulating debt then running off….do you blame him?" Tiedoll clarified his question.

"No! Don't ever think that I do again! It was **_my_** choice. I blame myself and Ty-….and that man." Allen said rather bitterly.

"Alright…I'm sorry Allen." Tiedoll looked to his notepad.

"Can I continue now?"

"As much I would like to say yes….we are out of time for today. We'll continue in our next session okay?" Tiedoll stood up. Allen rather than say anything or be polite he simply hurried out of the room. Tiedoll knew how upset Allen was but there was nothing he could do since his next patient was already walking into the room. Also Tiedoll couldn't tell Cross what Allen had told him….but Cross at the same time needed to know….this was complicated.


	4. Surprise visits and making plans

Allen walked home at a rather fast pace. He was rather agitated by Tiedoll trying to say it had been Cross' fault. Not once had Allen ever thought it was Cross' fault. Allen had made the decision to become Tyki's pet to pay off the debt. Nothing in that situation had to do with Cross. He hadn't made Allen pay off his debts. The apartment door slammed shut before Allen locked the door then went to his office to try and work on his story. In the end Allen was too agitated to write.

Allen leaned back in his chair covering his eyes with his arm letting out a sigh. It wasn't like him to be so angry but for some reason what Tiedoll had said had really upset him. It really hadn't been Cross' fault had it…? ….Maybe if Cross had been there like a real guardian had been maybe Allen wouldn't had to have made such a grown up decision. If he had been there…Allen would have someone to turn to…someone to protect him. A tear rolled the side of Allen's cheek as he thought all of this over. He jumped when there was a knock on the front door. Slowly Allen made his way to the door opening it slightly.

"K-Kanda…? What are you doing here?" Allen asked softly as he saw Kanda standing in the hallway. Kanda seemed a little agitated himself but that seemed to be the norm for him.

"To be honest…I don't even know. You gonna let me in?" Kanda huffed looking off to the side.

"Kanda…I really don't think now's a good time for me….I'm trying to work…and my mood isn't the best…" Allen admitted which was rare for him. Must be from the therapy session. Tiedoll always made Allen be honest about how he was feeling at the time.

"What's got you moody?" Kanda demanded softly as he looked at Allen out of the corner of his eye. Allen seemed rather tired and on edge. Rather different from the scared kid from the other day.

"Nothing….just something Tiedoll said…made me realize some things…that's all." Allen gave in opening the door to let Kanda in. Kanda stepped into the apartment turning to face Allen as he closed the door. Allen started towards the kitchen ignoring Kanda's studying eye.

"What did the old man say?" Kanda followed Allen watching him closely.

"That's been me and him as it was in a session. Something to drink?" Allen offered Kanda.

"Same as before." Kanda made his way to the couch as Allen prepared the kettle. Silence stretched only the kettle making a sound till Allen sat across from Kanda.

"So…I doubt you came here just for tea as you could get that just about anywhere. What made you come here?" Allen inquired as he set the tea cup in front of Kanda on the coffee table.

"I told you. I don't really know….to be honest, I'm curious about you." That made Allen stand up quickly.

"Why?" Allen seemed…frightened, on alert or something. Like Kanda might decide to suddenly charge at him or something.

"I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to know…why you seem so scared. I've never seen anyone look as terrified as you did. Or as you do now from just words." Kanda stated not moving as he didn't want to scare Allen further. Kanda truly was curious about Allen. But to be honest to himself he had also hated to see Allen so scared for some reason. Allen stood silent for a while thinking things over. He didn't want to get hurt anymore. Be it by someone controlling, or by him getting attached then left alone again. So Allen decided he was going to scare away the man that Allen thought was too beautiful, too perfect to ever look upon Allen. The grin that played on Allen's lips concerned Kanda but he didn't show it.

"You really want to know? Truthfully? Cause the truth…might disgust you." Allen continued to grin.

"Yes. I want to know. That's why I'm here." Kanda watched in confusion as Allen pulled his gloves off then started to unbutton his white shirt. He noticed Allen's scarred left hand as it worked on the buttons of his shirt and the scars that peeked through as his shirt started to open. Kanda actually stared wide eyed as Allen completely removed his shirt to reveal his scarred torso. Slowly Kanda stood up walking over to Allen.

"I was a sex slave. For four years. To pay off a debt. I belonged to a man, his word, my every command. When I disobeyed or tried to run…he hurt me. He uglied me up, broke me so no one would ever want me. I'm disgusting don't you think?" Allen's grin never wavered as he spoke. Kanda stared down at all the scars on Allen's body. To Allen's confusion Kanda didn't seem disgusted or anything. Just…curious. It looked like he was trying to memorize every scar on his chest. When Kanda reached out to touch the large jagged scar on Allen's chest Allen pulled away. "Why? Why aren't you disgusted? Don't…don't touch me! I'll taint you!" Allen turned away covering his ears and closing his eyes.

"You aren't broken." That caused Allen to open his eyes staring wide eyed at the door to the apartment. Slowly he turned his head to look at Kanda. Had Allen heard that right? Had Kanda really just said that? That caused Allen to start laughing. "Listen to me!" Kanda shouted when Allen's laughter went for too long. He turned Allen so he was facing him before he gently slammed Allen into the wall which silenced Allen.

"You aren't broken! You aren't ugly! So shut the hell up! You are simply scarred. That's all. You aren't tainted." Kanda gently shook Allen who was dead silent staring at Kanda. Maybe Kanda was as crazy as he was….

"Are….you mental?" Allen whispered.

"No I'm not fucking mental stupid Moyashi. You are still alive. You still have fight. You aren't broken. But you keep up thinking the way you are and you'll only break yourself." Kanda was now holding Allen's wrists up slightly as Allen had tried to get away from him. Allen stopped struggling to stare at Kanda.

"….How did you know who to call? All I had said was Tiedoll…and you knew who to call…." Allen commented thoughtfully.

"Finally clicked did it? You said Tiedoll and I know of a Tiedoll who is a therapist which I knew you were seeing one as you had mentioned it. Tiedoll is my foster father." Kanda stated indifferently.

"Explains all the psycho babble you are spewing." Allen almost snipped. Kanda scoffed smirking slightly.

"You don't like his methods? Why see him then?" That made Allen look away.

"….I know….that I need help….I'm not stupid…" Allen said softly. Kanda released Allen's wrists but they stayed in the air between the two.

"Then shut up and accept help. I was just giving you advice. No need to snap at me." Kanda made Allen look at him by placing Allen's chin between his thumb and index finger.

"D-don't do that." Allen pulled away tears forming in his eyes. The way Kanda had done that reminded Allen of Tyki. And Allen hated himself for even remotely comparing the two. But he hadn't meant to, the memory just popped up of its own free will.

"Don't do what? Give you advice?" Kanda wanted clarification. Allen was silent for a moment.

"No. Don't make me look at you like that. He would do it that way…. When I refused to look at him. Which was very often." Now Kanda looked disgusted.

"Never doing that again." Kanda turned to the side. So…Allen didn't disgust him….but doing things like Tyki had did? He was a very strange man.

"You….are very strange….I don't understand you at all…I can't read you at all." Allen said softly. Usually Allen was good at reading people so Kanda really confounded Allen. Kanda turned his head to look at Allen. "You don't find me disgusting at all…not how I look…or what I've been….But you find doing what he did disgusting. I don't understand." Kanda stared at Allen in silence as Allen stood with his eyes shut tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Kanda demanded softly.

"I want to scare you away. Make you never want to look upon me again…but you keep looking at me….how….? I can't even look at myself I'm so disgusting." Allen barely spoke above a whisper. Kanda continued to stare at Allen.

"I was always aware of how dark and twisted your life had been. So it came as no surprise. Though I hadn't realized self loathing was something you had going on. Before you ask, it was obvious in your writing to the trained eye." Kanda moved back to the couch. "What happened to your hand?" Allen looked to his bandaged hand.

"….I uh….decided I didn't like my mirror." Allen picked up his gloves and shirt getting dressed.

"We're going out next week. Not alone so you'll be comfortable. Staying up here all the time won't help you heal. And you want to heal right?" Kanda looked up at Allen who was in the process of buttoning up his shirt. Allen stopped his work to stare back at Kanda.

"Out? Out where?" Allen didn't really go out. He would only go out for groceries when he couldn't convince Cross to bring him supplies or when he had sessions with Tiedoll. He preferred the solitude of his apartment. Wait…when had **_Kanda _**become his therapist?

"Movies. I'll invite two of my friends. Don't worry, they're harmless. Well one is harmless unless you are a girl, then he's a huge flirt. The other is a girl. I'll send you the information when I know the time and what theater." And with that Kanda left Allen dumbfounded and alone in his apartment.

A week later Allen was walking up to the theater when he recognized a male standing outside the theater. The male had short red hair and bright green eyes. Allen really hadn't expected to see him here and definitely thought it was simply coincidence.

"Lavi?" Allen called as he walked up to the red head. Lavi turned hearing his name but not completely recognizing the voice who had called it.

"Allen?" Lavi went wide eyed with shock when he recognized Allen.

"Hey. Long time no see." Allen smiled awkwardly. It was really strange seeing Lavi again after so long. He wasn't really sure how Lavi would react.

"Yeah! Two years! How have you been?" Lavi beamed stepping up to hug Allen but stopped when Allen took a step back. Lavi did his best to hide the hurt in his eyes.

"Yeah. Sorry…I uh…don't really like being hugged…." Allen felt bad. He hadn't meant to upset Lavi. Lavi had been a close friend at one point. "But….I've been…well…" Allen gave his best fake smile, the one most couldn't tell was faked.

"That's good. What are you doing here?" Lavi grinned.

"Oh…I'm meeting…some people?" Allen wasn't sure how to explain it. He had no idea what Kanda was to him and he had no idea who Kanda's friends were.


	5. Broken Trust

"Hey! Sorry we're late!" A female voice called making Lavi turn around smiling brightly. "It was hard tracking down Kanda." A girl with long dark green hair in pig tails walked up to Lavi with Kanda at her side.

"It was **_you _**who was hard to find. **_I_** didn't get lost." Kanda growled softly.

"Heheh, yeah that's right…wait…Allen? Is that you?" The girl noticed Allen who looked like he was trying to hide behind Lavi.

"H-hey Linali…" Allen smiled softly. When Linali stepped up to hug Allen Lavi wrapped his arms around her waist hugging her from behind.

"What? I don't get a hug Lina?" Lavi pouted playfully. Linali looked over her shoulder at Lavi and saw in his face it was a bad idea to hug Allen.

"So…you all know each other?" Kanda spoke up earning everyone's attention in the group.

"Yes. We all went to high school together. But…how do you know them?" Allen inquired.

"We all grew up together. Ain't that right Yu?" Lavi grinned at Kanda completely unfazed by Kanda's death glare.

"Don't fucking call me that stupid Usagi." Kanda growled but Lavi simply laughed. Since introductions weren't necessary the group went into the theater getting snacks and popcorn before going and finding their seats in the theater. Lavi sat on one side with Linali on his left then Kanda then Allen on the end. Lavi and Linali were whispering to each other through the previews as Allen and Kanda were silent. Allen was distracting himself by eating the large popcorn he had. Kanda was staring at the screen rather bored. The group had selected a horror movie because Lavi wanted a reason to hold Linali. Allen was a little surprised that those two were still dating after so many years. They actually were engaged as they had been dating for five years. It was a little hard to focus on the movie when Allen knew Kanda kept looking at him very so often studying him. Finally Allen threw a piece of popcorn at Kanda's face with surprising accuracy before looking at him when Kanda had been staring at him again. Kanda blinked at Allen surprised.

"Stop staring at me. I can't focus on the movie knowing I'm being studied. If I had wanted to be studied I would have rather come with Tiedoll." Allen whispered so only Kanda could hear who was still slightly in shock. Kanda took a piece of popcorn from Allen before gently hitting him in the face with it as pay back. To an even greater surprise to Kanda, Allen actually let out an honest laugh. And Kanda was surprised that he actually found Allen's laugh cute.

"Fine. Now watch the movie." Kanda gently pushed Allen's face so he was facing the screen. Allen grabbed Kanda's hand moving it from his face. Both seemed to be thinking the same thing as both intertwined their fingers together their hands resting on the arm rest together. They stared at their hands before looking to each other then to the screen blushing softly. Kanda almost wished that Allen didn't wear those gloves everywhere but oh well.

"Are they dating?" Linali whispered to Lavi so the other two in the group couldn't hear. Lavi looked to Linali confused then to Allen and Kanda. He was amazed to see Kanda holding hands with anyone.

"I don't know…maybe?" Lavi shrugged. "I would assume so…Kanda isn't a hand holder…"

After the movie was over Allen and Kanda quickly let go of each others hands before leaving the theater. The group decided to get lunch together as it was a little after noon. They found a nice café nearby to eat at. Linali and Lavi sat across from each other as Allen and Kanda sat across from each other.

"So…Allen what did you after you graduated? Go to college? Get a job?" Lavi looked to Allen who shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

"I got a job…sort of. I write. I'm an author. But I'm under a pen name so…yeah…." Allen smiled softly.

"Really? That's amazing Allen. How many books have you published?" Linali inquired.

"Hm….nine I think." Allen wasn't one hundred percent sure. Was that bad?

"Why don't you tell them who you are? They're your friends right?" Kanda was pushing Allen to be more open and social. Allen narrowed his eyes at Kanda for a moment. "Because it would be weird for me to know and them not to since they've known you longer." That earned Kanda a somewhat gentle kick in the leg from Allen. Kanda glared at Allen.

"Aw….Yu no fair! How do you know Allen's pen name?" Lavi whined both he and Linali seemed to have missed Allen kicking Kanda somehow.

"He's acting in the film that my first book of a series is being turned into." Allen stated after a moment of debate. He was still softly glaring at Kanda who was now looking at the menu. "And to get him to actually act in it I had to agree to meet him…"

"So…when did you two meet?" Linali really wanted to know if they were dating.

"Um…about two weeks ago…?" Allen looked to Kanda for confirmation but he was still looking at the menu. Great help he was.

"So…you two aren't dating?" Linali sounded disappointed. Allen turned bright red staring at Linali wide eyed and Kanda was glaring at her. Of course **_that_** got his attention.

"Da-dating? No. No way. Kanda would never date some one like…ow…." Allen winced rubbing his leg where Kanda had kicked it. Linali and Lavi looked to Allen confused.

"No. We aren't dating. We only just met." Kanda said in a much calmer manner than Allen. Hold on….why did it sound like Kanda had said that in a way that indicated that they could possibly be dating in the future? And why….didn't that freak Allen out? The group chatted for a while. Kanda reached out taking one of Allen's fries who took it back not really upset about it. He then tried to poke Kanda in the face with the fry but Kanda bit the fry which made Allen laugh. Kanda actually smiled softly which made Allen stare at him. His laughter had made Kanda smile? Even just a little….that small smile made Allen's heart skip a beat in a good way. Allen opened his mouth to say something but closed it.

"What is it Moyashi?" Kanda had noticed Allen wanted to say something but had stopped himself.

"It's nothing." Allen smiled softly as he shook his head gently.

"Moyashi? Why do you call him Moyashi?" Lavi inquired.

"Same reason I call you baka Usagi. It fits." Kanda leaned back in his seat closing his eyes and folding his arm over his chest. Suddenly Allen's phone went off making Allen jump slightly.

"Sorry." Allen fished his phone out of his pocket. "Marian-san?"

"Where are you? Why aren't you in your apartment?" Cross replied over the phone.

"Are you at my place right now?" Allen blinked confused. Cross had been visiting a lot more frequently which was concerning.

"Yeah. I'm standing in your office surprised to find it empty." Cross seemed a little agitated and concerned.

"I'm out….with friends…eating…is that alright?" Allen hoped Cross wouldn't be upset.

"Friends? What friends? Allen you never leave your apartment. Are you alright?" Cross was more concerned now then he had been two minutes ago.

"High school friends…and Kanda. And I'm just fine. Really. Is there something you needed or were you just visiting again?" Allen looked to the window and away from his friends' stares.

"Allen…we need to talk." That made Allen's heart drop. Cross sounded very serious and rather….upset. Not angry upset but definitely some kind of upset.

"What? What about? Are **_you_** alright?" Allen himself was getting worried.

"Tiedoll called me." That made Allen gripped his phone tightly. What all had Tiedoll told Cross? He wouldn't have gone against his word would he? "I know what you did. The choice you made. And we need to talk about it."

"He…..he told you?" Allen grip on his phone was so tight his knuckles were white. Anger bubbled up inside of Allen. Anger was new to Allen. A very unfamiliar feeling and he didn't like it one bit. "He lied to me. He wasn't supposed to tell you. He broke my trust. We aren't talking about it and you can tell him I won't be seeing him next week." Allen said softly but the anger was apparent in his voice.

"Allen…." Cross was cut off by Allen handing up. Allen gripped his phone staring at the window till he calmed down enough to look at the group.

"Sorry about that." Allen smiled politely. The group all stared at Allen for a while before returning to eating. Kanda leaned over the table talking so only Allen could hear properly.

"What was that about?" Kanda asked even though he had a pretty good feeling that it was about Tiedoll.

"Your foster father broke protocol and his word. And I was just starting to trust." Allen stood up leaving money for his food before walking out. Everyone watched Allen before Kanda followed him.

"Moyashi. Moyashi!" Kanda called as he followed Allen. Though why Kanda was even bothering he had no idea. But seeing how hurt Allen was had upset Kanda. Allen was walking rather quickly down the sidewalk ignoring Kanda. "Allen!" Kanda grabbed Allen's sleeve near Allen's wrist.

"Leave me alone!" Allen snapped turning to face Kanda as he pulled his sleeve free from Kanda. Kanda stood wide eyed at Allen's outburst. "L-Leave me alone. This was a bad idea. All of this. Tiedoll, you, Cross, all of you. Just leave me alone." Allen said before running away. Kanda stood there before storming off.

"Old man!" Kanda called as he nearly kicked in the door to Tiedoll's house. Tiedoll's office hours were over for today so Kanda knew he was home. Tiedoll who was in the living room jumped before making his way to the very pissed off Kanda.

"Yu…what's wrong?" Tiedoll was surprised to see Kanda this angry. Kanda grabbed Tiedoll by the front of his shirt tightly.

"Are you a fucking moron!? What the hell did you do!? Whatever the fuck it was you lost the kid's trust and now he might give up on help! Now he's gonna lock himself up in his stupid tower and never come out or let anyone in!" Kanda growled pushing Tiedoll away when he was done shouting for now.

"Y-Yu? What are you talking about?" Tiedoll was absolutely confused.

"You fucking moron! Allen said you lost his trust! You broke your word to him and now he wants all of us to leave him alone!" Kanda turned away. If he kept looking at Tiedoll he might punch him. Kanda knew he shouldn't care this much or be this angry but he was. And it was completely out of his control.

"Allen…..?" Tiedoll sighed closing his eyes. "I had to tell Cross. Cross had to know. But….when did Allen tell you this?"

"Just a while ago. We went out for a movie and some lunch with Linali and Lavi. He was just starting to open up. To trust people. And your mistake screwed that up!" Kanda snapped at Tiedoll. Tiedoll sighed again.

"Wait, you took Allen out in public?" Tiedoll turned on Kanda.

"Yeah. But not alone so he would be comfortable. Turned out he knew the two I invited so it helped. Leaving him up in his apartment isn't helping him." Kanda commented.

"Yu, you aren't his therapist. You have only known him for like two weeks. You can't know what's best for him." Tiedoll remarked. Kanda scowled at Tiedoll. Kanda hadn't hurt Allen. If anyone didn't know what was best for Allen it was Tiedoll.

"Really? **_I_** don't know what's best for him? Treating him like a normal person is best for him. He actually honestly laughed and enjoyed himself today. He smiled, an honest happy smile. Have you seen or heard him do either of those in the years of you knowing him?" Kanda growled rather irritated with Tiedoll. Of all the stupidest things to do, break a patients trust. One who really needed to trust people, to interact with people. Allen needed to be treated like a normal person too. Was Tiedoll not thinking right? Leaving Allen isolated wasn't best at all. Being isolated gave Allen time alone to dwell on past memories rather than making better ones with friends and people who cared about him. Yes Kanda was an actor but he wasn't stupid. He had studied a lot of Tiedoll's psychology books as a child.

"Yu you aren't a therapist. You can't just try and take over my patients." Tiedoll scolded but Kanda didn't back down.

"You don't really seem to be the best option for him if you ask me or him. After two years of therapy you still barely understand what happened to him, and you made the error of sharing information he told you in confidence. And as you said, I've only known him for two weeks only talked to him like three times but have made better progress." Kanda snapped.

"Yu! Remember who you are talking to! I am your father!" Tiedoll was getting tired of Kanda acting like he knew everything.

"You are not my father!" Kanda argued. The two argued for a while longer before Kanda stormed out of the house slamming the door. Tiedoll tried to stop Kanda from driving as it was dangerous to drive angry but Kanda sped off before Tiedoll could stop him.

Since Allen knew Cross was at his apartment Allen couldn't go home. So he decided to go to the library for a while. He sat on the floor in between two book shelves reading a romance novel. It reminded Allen of Kanda cause it was about a samurai and for some reason Kanda reminded Allen of a samurai. Which thinking of Kanda made him think of how they had held hands in the theater and how they had acted at the diner. Allen hadn't held anyone's hand since Mana so it had been a little strange…but it had felt so….right holding Kanda's hand. Allen had felt safe…happy. He took a deep breath closing the book pulling his phone out of his pocket dialing a number.

"Moyashi? Are you alright?" Kanda answered his phone sounding slightly worried. Allen sighed pulling his knees to his chest. Kanda had given Allen his cell number the day he had told Allen that they were going to the movies last week.

"Sorry…I know I shouldn't have called you after what I said earlier…" Allen said softly.

"It's fine. Are you alright?" Kanda was actually at his place now and it was well after his fight with Tiedoll. He was still a little angry about it but he wasn't going to let Allen know.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm at the library. I….can't go home…Marian-san is there and I can't face him right now…." Allen sighed closing his eyes. Really Allen didn't want anything from Kanda, he just…wanted to hear Kanda's voice for some reason. This was bad…Allen knew it was bad. He was already getting attached to Kanda….and he barely knew him. Allen had sworn he would never get attached to anyone, or let anyone in but Kanda made it hard not to some how.

"…..Do you want to come to my place? It a hotel but still. Better than no place at all…" Kanda offered. Kanda lived in a suite of a high class hotel because he just viewed it as the best option since he was rarely ever home anyway given how busy he was.

"…..I don't know…I didn't really call looking for help…." Allen closed his eyes hoping he wasn't bothering Kanda since he had no real reason for calling.

"Have you eaten dinner yet? It's late." It was almost seven at night now. This meant Allen had to figure out what he was going to do for the night as the library was closing in about an hour.

"No….not yet." Allen stood up picking up the book in his free hand as he did. He made his way to the check out to be able to take the book and finish it later.

"Come over. We'll eat together." Kanda offered.

"Why…are you being nice to me?" Allen asked as he dealt with the librarian. Of course the librarian didn't really comment on how Allen was not obeying the sign that asked patrons not to use their cell phones near the desk. She thought he was cute so she wasn't going to scold him. Though it did bother her that Allen hadn't seemed to even notice her as he talked to Kanda on the phone.

"Because I can be. Now do you and to have diner with me or not?" Kanda demanded.

"Fine. I'll have dinner with you. Where are you staying?" That made the librarian sigh in disappointment. So that's why Allen hadn't noticed her…Kanda told Allen where he was staying as Allen took the book from the librarian thanking her with a polite smile before leaving. Allen hung up the phone making his way to the hotel Kanda was staying at. Of course such a popular actor was staying on the top floor in one of the best suites the hotel had to offer. Allen stood in the corner of the elevator as a couple who couldn't keep their hands…or lips…off of each other. Allen was staring at the wall to his side awkwardly. He had the hood of his jacket over his head so his white hair was hidden. Finally the couple got off leaving Allen alone in the elevator. Eventually Allen was at the top floor so he got off and knocked on Kanda's door. Kanda rather promptly answered the door. Kanda was wearing a tank top and loose workout pants. Why that was attractive to Allen he had no idea but it was.

"Hey." Kanda greeted moving out of the way to let Allen into the suite. Allen looked around curiously. Geez…Kanda's suite was better than Allen's apartment. Kanda closed the door looking to Allen who stood barely two feet from the door as if he wasn't certain he was allowed to enter the suite further. "Take your shoes off then you can sit where you want." Kanda stated as he headed over to one of the couches in the main room of the suite. After removing his boots Allen sat on one of the love seats. "We can order room service."

"Okay…" Allen nodded looking anywhere but at Kanda who was lounging on the couch. Kanda had just gotten done was a rigorous workout to vent his anger so it was time to relax.

"We'll order then is it okay if I leave you alone so I can take a shower?" Kanda reached out to the menu on the coffee table.

"Yeah of course. I can read while you're doing that." Allen held up his book. Kanda noticed the title of the book.

"That's a good book. I think you'll like the ending." Kanda commented as he held out the menu to Allen.

"You've read it?" Allen asked as he took the menu from Kanda looking it over. Well looking over wasn't the right term, he wasn't really looking at the words. Though he probably should make a choice of what he wanted to eat….

"Yeah. A few years back. I liked it." That made Allen laugh softly. Kanda raised a curious eyebrow at Allen.

"Sorry. It's just…not surprising. See…for some reason…when I think of a samurai…I think of you." Allen explained as he set the menu down on the coffee table.

"Really? Me? Why?" Kanda was a little surprised to hear that. Was it because he was Japanese? No that didn't make much sense.

"Hm…you seem…strong, brave, willing to fight for what you want and believe in. You have good values too I bet." Allen smiled at Kanda. Kanda blinked at Allen surprised by his words. Rather than respond Kanda picked up the hotel phone dialing room service. After ordering Kanda left Allen to go take a quick shower. Allen sat reading his book while waiting for food and Kanda to return. It was Kanda first who showed up. He was wearing a clean outfit similar to his work out outfit. Though just as Kanda sat down room service knocked on the door making Kanda stand right back up growling softly. Allen closed his book setting it on the coffee table. The two of them ate their food in silence which wasn't even an uncomfortable silence.

"So what are you going to do?" Kanda spoke when they were done eating. The tv was on, some movie was playing but the volume was fairly quiet. Allen sat thoughtfully for a while.

"I don't know. I am quite sure Marian-san is waiting for me to go home…" Allen sighed. It was likely Cross might even wait there all night. Given what Cross wanted to talk about he would probably wait there for a long while. Damn…Allen was so screwed. He really didn't want Cross to ever find out about the reason why Allen had been in such a situation….

"You can stay here tonight if you want. There's a second room." Kanda pointed a thumb over his shoulder as a set of double doors behind him. Allen stared at the doors for a moment. Could he really stay in the same place as Kanda? It wasn't so much that he didn't trust Kanda…but that he didn't want to be a bother to Kanda.

"I…don't want to be a bother…" Allen was fiddling with the pages of his book shyly.

"If it was a bother I wouldn't have offered stupid Moyashi." Allen sighed, he wasn't even going to fight Kanda on him calling him Moyashi. He didn't really have anywhere else to go so…why not? Allen finally gave in to staying at Kanda's place. For a while both sat reading books with the tv playing in the background before they went to bed. As Allen stood in the bathroom attached to his room he now recalled why he shouldn't have stayed with Kanda. His medication was at home. Well….he should be fine for one night right? Allen was currently wearing one of Kanda's t-shirts and pajama pants which both were a little big on him but he was perfectly okay with that. Allen giggled softly before leaving the bathroom climbing into bed.


	6. nightmares and fear

**AN: Rape scene in the beginning **

_Allen was sitting on the floor knees close to his chest as he was watching tv. It had been a long while since Allen had been able to sit and watch tv. He was in a sort of sitting room. There was a couch behind him, a coffee table in front of him and bookshelves along one of the walls. Allen was watching a movie that was playing that actually had Kanda in it so he was rather content. It was also nice that Tyki had been gone for a week and wasn't supposed to be back for another few days. So it was a nice break from everything. He gasped when the tv suddenly shut off, he looked over his shoulder to see Tyki standing in front of the couch remote in hand. Break over._

_"T-Tyki….W-welcome back…." Allen said softly looking to the floor in front of Tyki. _

_"I'm back my pet." Tyki said sweetly. But Tyki was anything __**but**__ sweet. Allen didn't resist when Tyki lifted him up by the arm. "Do I get a welcome back kiss?" Allen simply glared up at Tyki. His glare was his way of saying he was not about to kiss Tyki of his own free will. Tyki grinned before he gripped Allen's hair rather tightly as he pulled Allen up into a kiss. Allen's hands pushed on Tyki's shoulders but he couldn't push Tyki away. Tyki pulled Allen's hair painfully tilting Allen's head back making him gasp allowing Tyki's tongue to invade his mouth. Tears formed in Allen's eyes making him close his eyes as he continued to try and resist Tyki while one of Tyki's hands traveled down Allen's body and around grabbing Allen's ass. Allen whimpered softly into the kiss in distress but Tyki ignored him as he always did. Tyki always ignored Allen's protests. It didn't matter what Allen did or didn't want. Allen was tossed onto the couch before he was stripped of his clothes and turned over so his back faced Tyki._

_"Oh how I missed your ass my pet." Tyki said sweetly as he rubbed Allen's ass before he gripped Allen's hips taking Allen in one thrust making Allen cry out in intense pain and surprise. The tears Allen had been holding back escaped his eyes. Tyki kept a quick hard pace not caring for Allen's pain or discomfort._

_"P-please! Stop! It hurts!" Allen sobbed gripping the couch tightly as if that might distract him from the pain or dull it which it did neither. It still hurt terribly even after all the times Tyki had taken him. Allen had never climaxed once and he bled every time from how rough Tyki was. Allen's pleas were ignored as Tyki continued to roughly take Allen pulling his hair making Allen call out grabbing Tyki's hand that held his hair trying to free his hair. "No! Stop!" Allen sobbed as Tyki released deep inside of him. Tyki pulled out turning Allen onto his side before thrusting into him again. Allen tried to scratch at Tyki but Tyki pinned his hands with his free hand that wasn't gripping Allen's leg painfully. _

_"You belong to me. So stop fighting. Give in." Tyki growled softly between grunts as he kept his rough pace. Allen continued to struggle against Tyki but only with his wrists. He knew full well the consequences of resisting with his whole body and he would prefer to be able to sit some time this week or walk. Walking was good because then he could hide from Tyki. _

_"No! I won't!" Allen cried out his eyes shut tight. Tyki smirked as he continued his torture._

"Moyashi! Hey Moyashi! Allen!" Allen could barely make out a voice calling his name. Suddenly Allen's eyes flashed open as he sat up in bed panting. He looked to Kanda who was sitting on the edge of his bed hair all messed up from sleep. Allen blinked at Kanda who looked rather concerned or upset.

"Wha….oh no….I called out in my sleep didn't I? I'm so sorry Kanda…" Allen looked away wiping his eyes. He had also been crying in his sleep. Kanda reached out to comfort Allen but stopped himself. He didn't want to upset Allen further as he knew exactly what Allen's dream was about. Or at least had a very good idea.

"It's fine. Are you alright?" Kanda was speaking rather gently. There was no need to get upset with Allen. It wasn't his fault. Yeah he had woken Kanda up at like one in the morning but really, Kanda really couldn't bring himself to be mad at Allen.

"Am I alright? No. No I'm really not…." Allen said as tears continued to fall even though he was awake now but Kanda couldn't see that as Allen's hands hid his face and his head was turned away. It had been a long time since Allen had had a nightmare and it was so vivid that he could almost feel the pain so Allen was rather shaken. Kanda gave in as he pulled Allen into a hug. Allen tensed up terribly at first then relaxed a little over time. Kanda could tell how shaken Allen was as he was trembling in his arms and still crying.

"You're safe now. Don't worry. No one can hurt you now." Kanda said softly as he gently rubbed Allen's back. Allen hid his face in Kanda's chest as his hands gripped Kanda's shirt. Kanda's free hand stroked Allen's hair before running his fingers through Allen's hair gently, tenderly. Eventually without Allen really realizing it his head ended up resting in Kanda's lap. Kanda didn't really mind as he continued to run his fingers through Allen's hair. Allen's hair was so soft that Kanda rather enjoyed messing with it. It surprised Kanda to find that Allen had actually fallen asleep. Kanda shifted carefully so he didn't wake Allen and his back rested against the back of the bed. Kanda watched Allen sleep still gently messing with Allen's hair. At some point Kanda had fallen back asleep only to wake up around eight in the morning when he felt Allen sit up in bed. Well it was when Kanda's hand fell from Allen's hair when Allen sat up that woke Kanda.

"Sorry…did I wake you again?" Allen asked softly when he saw Kanda's eyes open a little. Allen was sitting next to Kanda rubbing one of his eyes sleepily which his eyes were a little irritated from all his crying before.

"It's fine. I slept in anyway." Kanda stated when he looked to the clock on the nightstand. He looked to Allen confused when he heard Allen laugh softly.

"I'm sorry….your bed head…it's just so…cute." Allen couldn't contain his giggle. Kanda glared at Allen as he tried to fix his hair.

"Shut up. I'm not cute." Kanda growled softly giving up on his hair. His hair was rather unruly in the mornings. He needed a shower and comb to get his hair to do what it was supposed to or he would just have to pull it back into the usual high ponytail. Kanda ruffled Allen's hair trying to mess it up but it just fell back into place which made Allen laugh more. "You hungry? I'll order breakfast." Kanda climbed out of the bed.

"Kanda?" Allen called out as Kanda was about to leave the room. Kanda stopped in the doorway looking over his shoulder to Allen who had turned slightly to face Kanda.

"Thank you….for this morning…for being there for me and not being mad." Allen said softly looking to the mattress ashamed and embarrassed.

"Yeah. You're welcome. You can take a shower. Your clothes were washed last night. I'll set them on your bed for you." Kanda stated as he left the room. Allen sat on the bed for a bit before making his way to the bathroom to take a nice hot shower. He avoided the mirror as he left the bathroom in only a towel before getting dressed in his clean clothes. When Allen walked into the main room Kanda was hanging up the phone finished ordering breakfast. "So, do you usually have nightmares?"

"Um….I used to. I have medication now that helps. But it's at home so….I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to wake you up late night." Allen bowed his head ashamed. He really didn't want to bother Kanda. Kanda sighed turning away from Allen as he couldn't stand to see Allen look like that.

"I told you already. It's fine. No one can get mad at you for what's out of your control. So stop apologizing." Kanda huffed as he sat down on the couch opening his book where he had left off last night. After a minute or two Kanda spoke again. "If you're gonna leave at least wait till after you eat or the food I ordered for you will go to waste and I hate wasted food."

"….Alright." Allen sat down in his seat from the night before. He caught the remote that was gently tossed at him with surprising accuracy as Kanda hadn't even looked up from his book when he tossed it. Allen stared at the remote then set it on the coffee table without turning the tv on. When Kanda looked at him Allen decided to explain. "I don't really like watching cable. I avoid it when I can. Which is often. I only turn it on at home when someone is over for their entertainment. But I don't get guests that often."

"Right. Well there's a dvd player and some movies if you want." Kanda gestured to the dvd player and the small entertainment center under the huge tv that housed the dvds. Allen made his way to look at the dvds. None of them seemed interesting to Allen. None of them were any that Kanda had acted in so that was their main flaw in Allen's eyes. That thought made Allen blush and shake his head. "What? Don't like any of them?"

"Not really….I uh….to be honest really only like movies you act in…." Allen admitted with his back still to Kanda. Good thing for Kanda too because Allen couldn't see Kanda staring at him wide eyed in shock.

"You are a rather honest person aren't you?" Kanda spoke when he recovered from his shock. Allen simply nodded in response. Allen believed in always being honest. And when he didn't feel like being honest he would answer in a round about way or not answer at all. But he never lied. Well he was starting to question his truth streak but that was an internal debate for another time.

"Allen." Hearing Kanda use his first name made Allen turn to face him but he stayed on the ground. "Do you believe in love?"

"Wh-what?" Allen blinked taken aback by the question. Kanda didn't seem like the kind of person to talk of love. Kanda stood up setting his book on the cushion next to him as he did before he sat on the floor in front of Allen.

"Love. Do you believe in love? Falling in love before you ever met a person directly?" Kanda repeated and clarified his question. Allen stared at Kanda trying to process what Kanda was saying.

"Y-yes…" Allen blushed looking away. He did believe in falling in love with someone without meeting them directly because Allen knew he had fallen in love with Kanda years ago watching his movies.

"Look at me." Kanda commanded softly. Allen slowly looked at Kanda his breath caught when he noticed how close Kanda was. "I think…that you…actually caught my hearts attention."

"W-wha…what?" Allen finally remembered how to breathe and speak. This was bad. No, no way. No way Kanda could possibly be interested in him in such a way. That scared Allen. Not because he was afraid he would get hurt but because he was afraid Kanda would get hurt. Allen's heart was like tainted shattered glass and Allen feared Kanda would get hurt by it. Allen froze when Kanda leaned in further.

"K-Kanda no." Allen stood up turning away from Kanda who stayed on the floor staring up at Allen. "You can't have such feelings for me. No. You'll only get hurt. I'm so sorry." Allen picked up his book off the coffee table pulled his hood over his head and left the apartment. As Allen walked to the elevator the doors were open and a man walked onto the elevator. When the man saw Allen walking to the elevator he pushed the button to hold the elevator doors open. Staring into the golden eyes of the man on the elevator Allen froze in fear. The man finally recognized Allen and started to leave the elevator but the doors shut before he could. Allen stood in pure terror for a few minutes before his body finally listened to his mind. Slowly Allen turned around walking back to Kanda's room but he stopped half way.

_"If you wait, he'll come back. He clearly wanted to talk to you." _Nea said in Allen's head.

"I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to see him. Shut up. Don't talk to me Nea." Allen thought.

_"Why not? Why do you dislike Master?" _Nea inquired.

"Don't call him that! He's not my master! I'm not a slave! You aren't real! Go away!" Allen shouted in his head as he started towards Kanda's room once more. Kanda answered the door not too long after Allen knocked.

"What?" Kanda snapped quietly. He quickly calmed down when Allen hid his face in Kanda's chest gripping his shirt tightly trembling in terror. Wrapping his arm around Allen gently he pulled Allen into the room closing the door. Kanda held Allen close once the door was shut. "What happened?"

"….He's here. I saw him…get on the elevator. He saw me…" Allen whispered. Kanda's grip on Allen tightened as he held him protectively. Kanda locked the door before moving Allen to the couch. Once Allen was seated on the couch Kanda knelt down in front of him. Allen's head was bowed so even kneeling down in front of him Kanda couldn't really see Allen's face behind his hair.

"What do you want to do? Do you want me to call someone?" Kanda offered softly as he held Allen's hands which were resting in his lap balled in tight fists. Allen's hands were balled so tight his nails were digging into his palms drawing blood. Allen replied to Kanda's question by shaking his head slowly. "What do you want me to do Allen?"

"D-don't call me that….and please…just don't leave me…." Allen replied softly still bowing his head. Kanda reached up pulling Allen into another hug this one a little more awkward given how they were sitting.

"I won't. Don't worry Moyashi. You can stay here as long as you need okay?" Allen jumped when there was a knock on the door. Kanda gave Allen a reassuring pat on his shoulder as he stood up to check the door. It was just room service so Kanda took the cart from the employee shooing him away quickly before closing the door and locking it again. When Kanda turned to the couch he saw that Allen was gone. Allen was in the room he had used last night peeking out of the door like a frightened child. "It's just breakfast Moyashi."

Slowly Allen emerged from the room staring at Kanda. Kanda sighed looking at the food. He didn't know about Allen but he didn't feel like eating anymore. Allen himself was far too terrified to even think about eating.

"Hello." Tyki smiled politely at the clerk at the front desk of the hotel.

"Oh hello Mr. Mikk. How can I help you?" The clerk smiled at Tyki.

"I just had a question about a guest. Or well I wanted to see if a friend of mine was a guest here." Tyki was being his usual charming self.

"Oh…what might the name of your friend be?" The clerk looked to his computer pulling up the guest list of the hotel.

"Allen Walker. I saw him on the top floor but the elevator closed before I could talk to him." That was the truth. The clerk checked the list.

"No. I'm sorry. Mr. Walker is not a current guest here. Nor has he ever been." The clerk looked to Tyki who actually frowned for a second before giving the clerk a charming smile.

"Well thank you anyway." Tyki tapped the surface of the counter before leaving. Damn. Now how could he find Allen? Well, Allen had to leave the hotel at some point right? Little did Tyki know how long Allen could stay holed up in one place. It would be even easier at a hotel since he could just order food to his room. A few hours of watching the hotel doors Tyki notice someone leave who he swore he had seen before. After some thought Tyki knew where he had seen that Japanese man before. Tyki hurried over to the clerk in a calm manner.

"Oh Mr. Mikk. Need more help?" The clerk smiled at Tyki.

"Yu Kanda. What room is Yu Kanda staying in?" Tyki almost broke his charming mask. He recalled the time he had found Allen watching tv. Kanda had been in the movie and he recalled how much in awe Allen seemed to be of Kanda. It couldn't have been a coincidence that both Allen and Kanda were in the hotel could it? The clerk gave Tyki Kanda's room number. Top floor, no coincidence.

"Thanks. You helped me find my friend." Tyki grinned passing the clerk some money before heading to the elevator.

"Hey. Sorry it took some time." Kanda pulled up to Allen who was in the ally behind the hotel hiding in his jacket the best he could. Allen climbed into the passenger side setting a back pack on the floor before fastening the seat belt.

"It's fine. Thanks for doing this. I'm almost one hundred percent he is watching the front door." Allen said staring out the window as Kanda started to drive.

"Right. Where are we going?" Kanda asked as he took the pack at Allen's feet putting it in the back seat while they were at a stop light.

"….To Tiedoll. I need to talk to him…" Allen sighed. The car ride was silent as Kanda drove to Tiedoll's office. Kanda followed Allen into the office building and up to Tiedoll's office. Kanda sat on one of the couches in the waiting area while Allen talked quietly to the receptionist lady. After a short conversation Allen walked over to Kanda sitting next to him.

"I have to wait. He has a patient right now…" Allen sighed holding his head in his hand exhausted. Kanda watched as Allen sat silently his face hidden behind his hair once more. Asking if Allen was alright really was not the best idea right now. Right now, Kanda himself was, by definition, homeless as he decided he couldn't go back to that hotel as Tyki was staying there even though Kanda didn't know who Allen was so scared of or who he had seen at the hotel. Wait….

"Tyki Mikk!" Kanda recalled the name. Hearing Kanda say that name made Allen jump out of fear and the receptionist out of surprise. Allen looked around terrified for a moment then looked to Kanda. "That was what was on the tv! And I saw him in the lobby when I left. That sick egotistical bastard!" Kanda growled not noticing Allen or the receptionist staring at him. Allen took a deep breath trying to calm his startled heart.

"K-Kanda…" Allen reached out gently grabbing Kanda's sleeve hoping to calm him down. But Kanda was too far gone to be calmed down now.

"I have to work with that son of a bitch!" Kanda stood up kicking over the coffee table. Allen shrank back into the couch watching Kanda vent his anger. The receptionist had picked up her phone but wasn't sure to call security or Tiedoll's office phone as she knew Kanda was one of Tiedoll's foster sons. Luckily the receptionist didn't have to make a choice as Tiedoll walked out of his office to see what all the commotion was. Tiedoll was surprised to find Kanda kicking the turned over coffee table and Allen trying to be invisible on the couch. "I'm gonna kill him!"

"Yu? What happened?" Tiedoll grabbed Kanda's shoulders trying to get him to stop kicking the now half broken coffee table. "Yu calm down you're scaring Allen!" That seemed to get Kanda's attention. Slowly Kanda looked to Allen on the couch.

"Moyashi…" Kanda calmed down when he saw how scared Allen was.

"I…I'm okay…." Allen slowly came out of hiding.

"What happened? What are you two doing here? Let's go in my office." Tiedoll led the two to his office sending his other patient off for the day. Kanda sat on the couch while as per habit Allen was pacing behind the couch Kanda was on but more slowly. "So what happened?" Tiedoll after the silence stretched for too long. Allen and Kanda looked to each other. Allen took a deep breath deciding to speak up.

"I…saw **_him_** today. I was leaving Kanda's place and he was getting on the elevator. He recognized me. I went back to Kanda's place and we decided it was best to leave. Kanda went through the front door and I snuck out the back knowing he would be watching the front door. Seems I was right." Allen looked from Tiedoll to Kanda who was glaring at the wall.

"Fucking Tyki Mikk. That son of a bitch." Kanda muttered full of hate. The two had met a few times before in certain social settings surrounding their work. Kanda had never liked Tyki. Now he down right fucking hated him and wanted nothing more than to kill him slowly and painfully.

"Allen…" Tiedoll was cut off by Allen.

"Do not ask me if I am alright. Do not ask me if I want you to call Marian-san. I am not alright and I do not need Marian-san. I don't need anyone." Allen turned away from Kanda and Tiedoll.

"You're right Moyashi. You don't need us. You want us. Even you don't want to be alone. Otherwise you wouldn't have sought me out. You wouldn't have sought out help. You wouldn't let Cross back into your life." Kanda stated over his shoulder. Allen looked over his own shoulder to Kanda. It looked like Allen was about to cry.


	7. attraction

**AN: Last revision I'll post for tonight. its late and I have to get up early to get my dad from the airport.**

"K-Kanda…could you leave…? I need to talk to Tiedoll…" Allen's voice burned from unshed tears. Kanda nodded standing up leaving the room. Allen took another deep breath moving to sit on the couch. "How…do I tell Kanda I don't want to talk to him anymore…?"

"You don't want to talk to him anymore? May I ask why?" Tiedoll knew that Kanda cared about Allen in his own way.

"Because…I love him…And I am unworthy of loving him…He deserves someone much better than me…He…he thinks he might love me….I can't….He can't…he can't love someone as broken as me…" Allen covered his eyes with his hands as he started to cry.

"Allen. You aren't broken. You're hurt that's all. And to me…to be honest…I think Yu is doing a lot of good for you. You are being a lot more open about your feelings. Which is the main step in healing. And it seems you really trust Yu which is also good." Tiedoll pointed out offering Allen a tissue. Allen took the tissue wiping his face. Geez…open with his emotions…that was a polite way of saying he was a crying mess all the time now. "Just…try to live a normal life. Let what happens between the two of you happen. Yu is an adult it's his choice if you aren't right for him." Tiedoll explained as Allen blew his nose.

"What if I hurt him somehow?" Allen asked softly.

"I really can't see you hurting Yu. Unless he really does love you and you leave him. You really care about him, that much I know. So I doubt you'll hurt him, and if you do….that's life." Tiedoll assured Allen. Allen stared at Tiedoll for a while. Really…was it that easy? Just let things happen? Taking a deep breath Allen looked to the door. He knew that Kanda was out in the waiting area because Kanda had to talk to Tiedoll about staying at his place for a while.

"Well…Kanda has to talk to you so…I'll just go…." Allen stood up making his way out to Kanda. Kanda was actually leaning against the wall across the hall from the door to Tiedoll's office with his eyes shut and arms folded over his chest. His eyes opened when he heard Allen open the door. Allen started to walk away but Kanda gently grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going?" Kanda asked when Allen looked over his shoulder at Kanda.

"Home. I guess…I have to be honest with myself. Let whatever happens happen. I'll talk to you later. If possible…I'd like to go on a date with you sometime. Just the two of us. Unless you're scared to go on a date alone with me." Allen teased with a smile as he started to walk away. Kanda stood in shock watching Allen leave before looking to Tiedoll who was standing in the doorway.

"Did he just say he'd go on a date with me?" Kanda blinked.

"That he did son." Tiedoll smiled. The smallest of smiles, but an honestly happy one played on Kanda's lips before he collected himself.

"Don't call me that. I'll see you at home." Kanda started to walk away.

"Wait what? You're coming home?" Tiedoll followed Kanda. All of his appointments were finished for the day so Tiedoll didn't have to stay at the office.

"Yeah I am not staying at that hotel anymore. He stays there. I'll kill him if I see him right now." Kanda stated as he walked up to the elevators. Guess Allen already caught the elevator down.

"Marian-san? Are you here?" Allen called out as he entered his apartment. Upon first inspection it seemed like his apartment was empty. Until he reached his room. In his bed was a sleeping red head. Allen sighed softly leaving the room closing the door heading to his office to work on his story as he was feeling inspired and he hadn't really worked on it the past few days.

Some time later Allen was still in his office but fast asleep at his lap top. His face was actually on the keys so at the end of his last sentence was some gibberish. Allen was quick to wake up when his chair was kicked. He was so startled he actually fell out of the chair. Allen blinked up at the kicker of his chair with one of his legs awkwardly on the seat of the chair from his fall. Cross was glaring down at Allen but his eyes softened a little.

"So you came home finally." Cross took at deep breath moving to the couch in the room. Slowly Allen removed his leg from the chair then stood up turning his chair to Cross before sitting.

"Yeah. Sorry. I needed to figure some things out. I talked to Tiedoll today. He gave me advice for dealing with Kanda. But in its own right it works for dealing with this too. So…you wanted to talk?" Allen decided to let Cross say what he had to say and go from there. Cross sat as he was clearly thinking things over.

"Allen…I really was a horrible guardian wasn't I? Showed up a year after Mana died. Didn't stay long either. Left you alone to deal with the world all on your own when you weren't ready. You still had a lot to learn when I left…and then that bastard used my debt to control you. This whole damn thing is my fault because I was weak." Cross closed his eyes leaning back in the couch. Allen stared at Cross in shock. Weak was never a word that came to mind when Allen thought of Cross.

"Weak? That's not a word I would have ever thought to hear you use to describe yourself Marian-san." Allen said after some time. Cross opened his eyes a little to look at Allen.

"No? Well do you want to know why I had left?" Allen couldn't say no to that. He had always been curious. Thoughts of what had Allen had done to chase Cross off had filled his mind even to this day. Allen nodded his response to the question. "I was meant to be your guardian. But kid…you were too damn cute. I was having thoughts about a kid I was meant to raise that I shouldn't have. So rather than deal with that, I took the weak way out and left. Because I knew that when you grew up, you'd look like you do." Allen stared at Cross not sure he completely understood.

"So you left because you were afraid of what you might do to me?" Allen wanted to make sure he understood.

"And I might have been worse than that bastard. Not in how he treated you mind you, but that I would never have let you go. Why **_did_** he let you go?" Cross had been curious about that.

"I paid off the debt. Of course sooner than he expected but still. I must thank Bookman for that." Bookman had been the one to get Allen's first book published which allowed Allen to pay off the rest of Cross' debt with the Noah family at least.

"Do you blame me? For what happened?" There was that stupid question again.

"No. I made the damn decision. Will everyone stop asking if I blame you?" Allen sighed in irritation. Cross stared at Allen surprised. He couldn't recall having ever heard Allen swear before. Even with some of his strange rage filled rants that Allen would go on in which Allen had seemed to lose all self control as he would lash out mainly at himself. Cross knew a few of the scars Allen had were both intentionally and unintentionally self inflicted.

"But it was my debt." Cross pointed out.

"Yeah but **_you_** didn't make me pay it. **_He_** did. I blame him. Not you. So just let it go." Allen growled turning his chair to the so he was looking at the wall to the side and not at Cross. "Wait…lets rewind." Allen turned the chair l realized he had over looked an important part of the conversation.

"What?" Cross had hoped Allen would have continued to overlook what he had said. Seems Cross wasn't that lucky.

"Are you saying….you were physically attracted to me?" Allen had a confused disbelieving expression.

"Yes. That's what I said." Cross closed his eyes. Allen sat blinking at Cross. What the hell was so attractive about Allen that even Cross, the biggest womanizer in the world was attracted to him?

"I thought…you **_really_** like woman though…" Allen pointed out making Cross open his eyes to stare at Allen.

"Yeah me too. Then I caught you in your room one day when you thought I wasn't home…" Allen blushed having an idea of what Cross had caught Allen doing. And that was….awkward to say the least.

"So…um…. you know that I'm gay?" Allen cut Cross off before he could say verbally what he had caught Allen doing.

"Yeah. Kind of obvious when I caught you…" Allen shouted in protest begging Cross not to say it out loud. There really was no need to say out loud about how Allen um….relieved stress while watching movies with Kanda in them. God…so that's how Cross knew how much Allen liked Kanda…geez.

"Yeah okay. Moving on." Allen said in a sort of embarrassed sing songy way as he turned to the side again.

"What? Are you ashamed to have been caught masturbating?" Cross held back a laugh. Allen turned bright red puffing up his cheeks in embarrassment not daring to look at Cross.

"It's awkward to say the least…."Allen muttered twisting the chair just a little bit back and forth still not looking at Cross.

"It's a natural thing to do Allen. Nothing to be ashamed of." Cross commented.

"It's a personal moment not meant to be seen by others…that's how you knew I like Kanda wasn't it…?" Allen looked at Cross out of the corner of his eye.

"Of course. And might I just say…" Cross was cut off by Allen yet again.

"No! You can't say anything. We're done on this conversation." Allen waved his hands. He really didn't want to hear whatever Cross had to say on the private moments Allen used to have. Speaking of which…Allen couldn't recall the last time he had had such a moment…sometime six years ago…that's as best Allen could pin point…

"Hey come on. If you can't talk to me about this, what can you talk to me about?" Cross grinned.

"Anything **_but_** that. So…are you hungry? I can make dinner." Allen stood up making his way to the office door.

Kanda was sitting in his bed in his old room at Tiedoll's house. It hadn't changed at all. Most likely Tiedoll only ever entered the rooms that belonged to his foster childrens' rooms to clean them while they were away. Tiedoll had two other foster children, Deisha and Marie. Marie actually still lived with Tiedoll as he didn't want to leave Tiedoll alone and he knew the area best and it was best to stay in familiar territory when one was blind. Deisha was only god knows where in the world and usually only visited for Christmas.

Resting comfortably in his bed Kanda was trying to read but he was having some difficulty focusing on the words right now. His mind kept wandering back to what Allen had said back in Tiedoll's office before he had left. Allen had in a way asked Kanda out. And that, for some unknown reason to Kanda made him rather…happy…There was just something about Allen…the sound of his laugh the way he would smile when he was actually happy, things like that made Kanda's heart stop for some reason.

"What?" Kanda snapped closing his book when a knock at his door pulled him from his thoughts. Tiedoll opened the door entering the room to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Yu…we need to talk about Allen. I just…I know you won't hurt him. Not intentionally. Just…you have to be careful. Take things slow. Allen has never had a real relationship. The first relationship outside of friendship or in certain definitions family, was that that he had with Tyki…" Tiedoll stated not wanting to upset Kanda but Kanda had to know to be careful with Allen. Tiedoll blinked when Kanda hit Tiedoll in the head gently with the spine of his book.

"Shut up old man. You're wasting your breath. I know how to treat the Moyashi. Treat him normally. Not like some frail glass object that will shatter at the slightest touch. He needs a normal life old man. Not to be babied. And I don't intend hurt him ever." Kanda closed his eyes leaning back into his pillows and headboard. Tiedoll studied Kanda for a moment. Perhaps Kanda had a point. The best thing for Allen…might be Kanda.

"Alright. Goodnight son. I'll see you tomorrow." Tiedoll smiled standing up about to ruffle Kanda's hair but Kanda's death glare stopped him.

A few days later Allen was in his office looking like a zombie as he hadn't really slept in the last few days as he had been busy with his story. Inspiration had hit him like a brick wall and Allen wanted to roll with it before he ran into another writers block. He had gotten quite a bit done with the story. Allen was so tired he had almost not even realized his phone was ringing.

"Hello?" Allen answered the phone in a sort of daze. He hadn't even bothered to look and see who was calling.

"Moyashi? Did I wake you up or something?" Realizing it was Kanda woke Allen up a little.

"Hard to wake someone up who hasn't been sleeping. No. I've been busy with my next book…what's up?" Allen rubbed his eyes which burned terribly. He turned his chair away from the desk.

"I was calling to see if you were busy…" Kanda trailed off. Allen was quiet for a moment.

"Kanda…I would love to meet up…but I think like three days is my limit…I need sleep…" Allen sighed. Damn. He should have tried to get some sleep. That way he could have said yes to spending time with Kanda. But sleep was ready to claim Allen and he didn't want to pass out while with Kanda. That wouldn't be much fun at all.

"Yeah. Get some sleep stupid Moyashi. You need to take better care of yourself." Kanda scolded. Allen leaned back in his chair turning to face the computer.

"But you should thank me for staying up. I am almost done with the next book of the series of the book/movie you are acting in." Allen remarked as he saved his work before leaving his office making his way to his room.

"….Still. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you later." And with that Kanda hung up the phone. Allen sighed tossing his phone onto the far side of the bed. As soon as Allen hit the pillow he was out like a light.


	8. Sneaking out with the bad boy

**Authors note: fixed chapter four thank you for helping me with that guys ^_^** **Forgot** **to mention that Kanda is rather OOC a lot. And Tiedoll is going to take a bit of a turn as to how he treats...or views Allen. He still cares about Allen but Kanda is more important since he is Tiedoll's foster son. And Tiedoll is just trying to keep Kanda safe.**

**Do not own man. otherwise it would be FULL of Yullen.**

"Nng…" Allen groaned covering his ears and hiding his face in the pillow as Cross entered his room turning on the light. It had only been two hours since Allen fell asleep after Kanda called.

"Hey. How long do you plan on sleeping lazy?" Cross was talking way too loud for Allen's taste. Allen peeked at the alarm clock on the end table before groaning again and dropping his head back on the pillow.

"This was the first time in three days I've slept…and it was only two and a half hours…" Allen let out a muffled whine.

"What the hell were you doing for three days?" Cross demanded. Allen groaned again rolling onto his side looking at Cross out of one partly opened eye.

"Writing…what else?" Allen hid his face again. Why was Cross always here now? Was he trying to make up for years lost and to deal with any regret he might feel for what happened to Allen? Cause ever since Tiedoll told Cross about why Allen was with Tyki Cross has visited Allen every damn day since. Once a week or so was tolerable….every day….Allen might really go crazy. Or at least too crazy for any amount of therapy to fix him… "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you remember to take care of yourself." Cross sat on the foot of the bed. Allen groaned pulling the blanket over his head curling up in a ball.

"I was until you barged in…I need sleep….go away…." Allen groaned wanting to go back to sleep. Cross stayed in his place on the bed staring at the ball on the bed that was Allen.

"After your little nap lets go get dinner." Cross stated as he stood up. Allen sighed poking his head out from under the sheets to look at Cross.

"After that can we go to your place? I want to play the piano." Allen asked half asleep.

"We really should move that to you place. So you can play it whenever you want." Cross commented as he stopped in the doorway to look over his shoulder at Allen. Allen's only possession from before Mana died was the piano Mana had taught Allen how to play on. How Allen had managed to keep it after all these year was beyond him.

"And where exactly would I put it? I have no room here for a piano Marian-san." Allen pointed out. Allen's apartment wasn't overly large, it had all the key things he needed and was better maintained then his apartment from high school. Allen could easily afford a **_much_** larger apartment or even a house but he was content with where he was living and most of his money he was saving.

"You could get a bigger place." Cross pointed out.

"I like my apartment. And I like saving my money. You never know when it might be needed." Allen remarked. He noted Cross' expression and realized Cross had taken the 'never know when it might be needed' the wrong way. Allen sighed sitting up in bed brushing his hair back out of his face. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, accidents happen so one day I might have medical bills, or maybe I'll want to actually buy a car, or a house one day, or hell a restaurant or something. That's what I mean."

"Right. We'll talk later. Get some sleep." Cross commanded softly as he closed the door leaving Allen alone cursing himself mentally for his poor choice of words. Allen sighed plopping back down in the bed. A few hours later Allen woke up from his nap. Once dressed in anew, not wrinkled from sleep outfit Allen went to find Cross. Cross was watching tv in the living room smoking. Seeing the cigarette Allen froze, he took a deep breath before leaving the hallway so Cross could see him.

"Shit kid." Cross cursed as he quickly put his cigarette out by dropping it into his wine. "I thought you'd be asleep for longer."

"It's fine. It doesn't bother me like it used to. But your drinking before driving does." Allen walked up taking the glass of now undrinkable wine from Cross taking it to the kitchen.

"One glass of wine has never affected my driving." Cross stood up making his way over to the door. He grabbed one of Allen's jackets holding it out to him. Allen took the jacket before pulling on his boots. Once out in the hall Allen locked the door to his apartment before they left.

The next day Allen was in his old room at Cross' house. Since they had gone to dinner late and Allen had wanted to go to Cross' after dinner to play the piano Cross had made Allen stay the night. Cross had gone to bed shortly after they had gotten to his house which was the main reason Allen was stuck at Cross'. Allen was looking out the window when his cell phone went off.

"Hello?" Allen answered the call.

"Moyashi. You busy?" Kanda replied. Allen hadn't really expected Kanda to be calling.

"Oh hey Kanda….I'm under guardian watch…" Allen sighed turning his back to the window. "Never seen hide nor hair of the man for years. Then when he came back it was only every so often which was fine…now after he found out why what happened, happened he won't let me out of his sight…"

"Care to sneak out?" Kanda offered. Allen looked to the window again.

"I'm on the second floor…." Allen stated as the only way for him to get out without Cross seeing him was through the window.

"I'll catch you." Allen couldn't help but laugh at that. It was like Allen was the goody two shoe teen girl and Kanda was the bad boy he was forbidden to see. Well…Allen **_was_** a goody two shoe…and Kanda **_was_** a lot like a bad boy.

"Alright. Sounds like fun." Allen was trying to control his laughter but it was too funny and seemed like too much fun to say no. Allen gave Kanda Cross' address to pick Allen up. Kanda literally caught Allen as he escaped from the second floor. Allen was grinning like a fool the entire time breaking into a fit of laughter when they were in Kanda's car.

"You seem to be having fun." Kanda pointed out as he watched Allen. They were still parked so Kanda was sort of facing Allen who sat in the passenger side giggling.

"I'm sorry…Its just so…high school…like a movie. The goody two shoe girl sneaking out to see the bad boy her father banned her from seeing." Allen explained as he wiped the tears from his eyes as he was laughing too hard. Kanda let out a humored scoff before turning to sit right in his seat getting ready to leave.

"Right. So…where should we go?" Kanda asked as he pulled out into the street. Allen finally stopped laughing to think about the question. Why not keep with the high school theme a bit….?

"What about an amusement park?" Allen looked to Kanda. Now it was Kanda's turn to think. It was a sort of off season for amusement parks so it shouldn't be too crowded. Only problem…Kanda had no idea where any amusement parks were. Amusement parks weren't really his thing so its not like he would know where one was if he had never been to one.

"Do you know where one is?" Kanda looked to Allen for a second out of the corner of his eye before retuning his focus to the road. Allen told Kanda of an amusement park he knew of but told Kanda not to ask for directions as Allen had no sense of direction what so ever. Kanda knew the general area of where Allen had said the amusement park was so he should be able to figure it out.

Allen's face lit up as they entered the amusement park. He looked a lot like a kid on Christmas morning or something. Kanda smiled softly at Allen's happy expression but Allen missed it as he looked around. Allen took Kanda's hand as he gently dragged Kanda of to some place or another. After a few rides Allen was sitting on a bench eating as Kanda walked up with drinks.

"Hey Yu! Allen!" A familiar male voice called out. Kanda's eyebrow twitched in irritation as he looked over his shoulder to see Lavi running up to them. Allen had to lean to the side to see around Kanda to see who had called their names even though the voice was a dead give away. Lenalee was walking a little bit behind Lavi as she didn't feel like running. Kanda hit Lavi down as Lavi tried to hug him.

"The fuck you doing here baka Usagi!? And don't call me that!" Kanda growled as Lavi sat up rubbing his head where Kanda had hit him.

"Aw don't be like that Yu!" Lavi whined. Allen had set his plate of food down on the bench standing up a little holding his hand out to help Lavi to his feet. Lavi looked to Allen before accepting the help.

"So what brings you two here?" Lenalee asked sweetly as she next to Kanda. Kanda scoffed looking off to the side. Allen smiled at Lenalee not sure really how to answer. Everyone looked to Allen when his cell phone went off.

"Sorry…Hello?" Allen answered his phone.

"Allen….where the fuck are you?" Cross demanded. Yikes…he had been found out.

"M-Marian-san….I…" Allen was cut off by Kanda snatching his phone away. Allen tried to protest but it was pointless as Kanda held Allen at arms length with his head tilted away so Allen couldn't reach the cell phone he was holding to his ear on the other side far out of Allen's reach.

"Hey. The Moyashi is on a date with me so leave him alone." Kanda snapped at Cross which was half the reason why Allen's eyes went wide with shock.

"What the…you little shit. Who the fuck are you talking to like that? Brat…give the phone back to Allen." Cross growled.

"Go to hell ya old lecture. I do what the hell I want. Don't try and order me around." And with that Kanda hung up the phone.

"Agh…Kanda…he's gonna kill me when I go home…." Allen whined blushing when Kanda grinned at Allen pulling him close by wrapping his arm around Allen's waist.

"Well…I **_am_** the bad boy and you're the goody two shoe girl right? So that keeps with our theme. But you don't have to go home tonight if you don't want to." The proximity and how Kanda was talking made Allen's blush turn even darker. Geez….this was so bad…in such a fun way…. "Wait….damn…you can't stay at my place…I don't have a place…though I doubt Tiedoll would mind if I had a guest for the night. Still keeping with the theme though…"

"Wha…you're staying with Tiedoll? I can't stay at my therapists house…" Allen whispered the last line not wanting Lavi and Lenalee know he was seeing a therapist.

"So…you two are dating?" Lavi grinned. He would have thrown an arm around Kanda's shoulder but that would be a little strange seeing how Kanda was holding Allen and rather closely to his own body. The two turned their heads at the same time to look at their audience.

"And their date has a theme. We should try that some time Lavi." Lenalee giggled softly. Allen was blushing bright red and Kanda actually had a tint of pink to his own cheeks.

"It…wasn't planned….It just worked out that way…" Allen muttered embarrassed. Kanda made his usual 'che' sound looking away. After Allen finished eating the group decided to stick together for the rest of their adventure at the amusement park. Lavi picked a haunted house for the group to explore. Lavi and Lenalee were walking ahead of Allen and Kanda. The engaged couple were holding hands and freaking out together as they walked through the house. Kanda kept stealing looks at Allen who was smiling softly as he watched the couple in front kept freaking out. Once outside the house the group stood around.

"How were you not scared Allen?" Lavi inquired.

"Well…my apartment in high school was a scary place to live. Which is why I never invited you guys over. So…not much scares me anymore after that place." Allen laughed softly. He looked down at his hand when he felt Kanda gently entwined their fingers together though Kanda acted like he hadn't done anything at all. Geez….Allen really needed to work on his choice of words around people who knew about his past.

"Oh? Is that so?" Lenalee seemed a little distraught.

"It's okay. Really. No worries. It was a good learning experience." Allen tried to comfort Lenalee. It seemed to work a little bit. After some time just walking around the group broke off to go their own ways.

"So…what do you want to do? I really don't think Tiedoll would mind letting you stay the night if he knew you didn't want to see Cross." Kanda pointed out as they climbed into his car. Allen took a deep breath before sighing as he buckled his seatbelt.

"I don't know. Don't you think it'd be strange to stay at your therapist's house?" Allen looked to Kanda.

"You aren't. You're staying at your date's foster fathers place. He has more than enough room. Even without the rooms taken by his foster kinds…" Kanda remarked as he started driving.

"How many foster kids does he have? I only know of you and Deisha." Allen stated which surprised Kanda.

"You know about Deisha?" It was really surprising that Allen knew about Deisha as Kanda rarely ever saw Deisha himself and he was okay with that really.

"Yeah. I see him at Tiedoll's office a lot. He and I talk from time to time. I knew about him as Tiedoll's foster child before I knew about you." Allen commented at he looked out his window.

"Well, there's only one other then. Marie. You'll probably see him as he lives with Tiedoll since he's blind. Though he is perfectly functional really…he has like a sixth sense…." Kanda shrugged really unsure how to describe Marie as he didn't really understand Marie himself. All Kanda knew was that he didn't hate Marie. Actually Marie and Kanda got along rather well. Deisha on the other hand…he could be as bad as Lavi sometimes…

"I guess…if it's okay with Tiedoll…I can stay…" Allen looked at Kanda out of the corner of his eye.


	9. Fears

**Authors note: "Master" in this story refers to Tyki not Cross just fyi. Do not own man. Also...its a short chapter. the next one might be kinda long. and will be my last update for today as it will be about as far is i have typed.  
**

**Okay...super pissed because i cant find the original story on my computer and i noticed I am missing some pieces... This part is a big one...  
**

**Ignore the pissed part because I finally found the original original on a jump drive. Yay for my cleverness. **

Tiedoll stood in the kitchen staring at Kanda and Allen who stood side by side. Allen was staring at the floor and Kanda was in his usual stubborn stance. All that had been said was that Allen didn't really want to stay at his own place or at Cross'. Tiedoll was trying to figure out why Allen was avoiding Cross, he was certain it had something to do with the stubborn Japanese Tiedoll called his son.

"So…all I want to know is…why are we avoiding Cross?" Tiedoll wasn't going to turn Allen away whatever the reason. He was simply curious. Allen looked down further which hadn't seemed possible.

"Well…see…I sort of snuck out of Marian-san's house… he's just…smothering me… And then he called me…Kanda took my phone…and pissed off Marian-san I believe…" Allen explained softly. Kanda was standing looking off to the side with his arms folded over his chest.

"He started it." Kanda huffed. Tiedoll sighed shaking his head as he chuckled softly. Kanda was always going to be the same it seemed.

"Alright. There's a spare room you can use. But you can't hide here forever. Eventually you'll have to accept your punishment for sneaking out. Allen tensed up which was noted by both men in the kitchen. Allen started to reach up to cover his mouth but stopped himself.

"Bathroom?" Allen tried to hide how sick he was suddenly feeling. Once Allen left the room after being instructed on where the bathroom was Kanda glared at Tiedoll. They both knew Tiedoll had said something that triggered bad memories for Allen.

"Are you alright?" A voice made Allen jump as he was rinsing his mouth out in the bathroom sink after throwing up. Allen turned his head to see a tall, dark skinned man standing in the doorway to the bathroom. The door hadn't been closed all the way so Allen hadn't heard the man.

"Y-yeah…must have eaten something bad…that's all…" Allen smiled softly but his voice was shaking. "My name is Allen…am I correct in assuming you are Marie-san?"

"Yes that's correct. You can just call me Marie. Nice to meet you. I don't think you ate something bad…you're scared. But you're safe here. No one will hurt you here." Marie assured Allen. Allen laughed softly as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"I know that. It…has nothing to do with here and now. Sorry to have bothered you." Allen looked down to the sink frowning. It was fine since Marie couldn't see his expression.

"You shouldn't feel so ashamed. It doesn't suite your pure heart." That made Allen stare at Marie wide eyed. Allen covered his mouth with his hand trying to hold back his laughter.

"Pure heart? Oh if only you knew the irony of your statement." Allen broke out into laughter. He hunched over holding his sides as he laughed. "Allen is so far from pure. He is the most tainted thing on the planet. And there is only one man who can accept him. He's fooling himself thinking anyone but Master can love him."

"That's not true. I'm sure there are many who love Allen. Father! I think…you need to come here." Marie called making both Kanda and Tiedoll join him sort of in the doorway.

"What's wrong Marie?" Tiedoll looked from Marie to Allen in the bathroom. No…correction. Not Allen…Nea. Kanda elbowed Tiedoll in a way to say that Tiedoll needed to fix this.

"Why can't you people leave Allen alone? He doesn't need you!" Allen picked up the bottle of soap throwing it at the group. All managed to get out of the way so the bottle hit the wall of the hallway with a rather loud thud.

"Nea…its time for you to leave. Allen doesn't need you. The only reason you are still around is because you are too attached to that man and don't want to let him go. Its time you moved on." Tiedoll spoke once he was back in the bathroom.

"Shut up! You're wrong! Allen needs me! He doesn't realize he's lying to himself. We need Master. Master is the only one for us. The only one who loves our tainted body and soul. He's the only one who can ever love us…" Allen moved to the corner of the bathroom cover his ears and closing his eyes.

"Hey! You little brat!" Kanda stormed past Tiedoll who tried to grab his arm to stop him but wasn't quick enough. Kanda made Allen look at him, Kanda was very pissed off. "Don't ever fucking say that again! Don't ever fucking say 'master' again. Don't ever fucking say that that man loved or loves Allen. Cause you are dead fucking wrong. That man did not does not love Allen. I love Allen. Which is why I treat him right." Kanda growled gripping Allen's chin tightly. Allen stared at Kanda for a moment before blinking.

"K-Kanda…what…happened? Why are you so mad…?" Allen asked softly. Realizing Nea was gone for now Kanda slowly released Allen. "Wh…what did I do?"

"You did nothing. Nea and Yu had a small chat. That's all Tiedoll smiled softly at Allen.

"You shouldn't lie to him father. Don't you think it'd be best if he knew what had happened?" Marie earned everyone's attention Kanda was glaring, Tiedoll was a little displeased and Allen was curious. It was a little concerning to Allen that Nea was coming back more often and Allen wasn't remembering anything from when Nea was in control.

"….Nea was talking about some stupid shit. It doesn't matter. Though…was he always violent?" Kanda looked to Allen. Allen gasped softly.

"Violent? What did he do? Did he hurt one of you? I'm sorry…" Allen looked to the floor.

"No. He just threw the bottle of soap. Now whether or not the wall or bottle was hurt that's another story and it doesn't matter." Tiedoll smiled softly hoping to cheer up Allen. That just earned a glare from Kanda and Allen didn't react at all.

"Wha…I don't even know what triggered it…" Allen shook his head.

"Sorry. That was me." Marie admitted. Everyone looked to Marie confused. "Seems my honesty upset him. I won't repeat what I said right now…" Allen yawned softly sitting on the floor.

"I think…I should call Marian-san…ask him to come get me…" Allen said sleepily.

"I thought you were staying here…" Tiedoll turned to face Allen.

"Yeah…but that might not be best…I can't hurt anyone if I'm alone in my apartment…" Allen rubbed his eye sleepily.

"Fuck that. Fuck this fucking shit." Kanda growled as he lifted Allen up throwing him over his shoulder earning a surprised gasp from Allen. "The fucking plan was that you would stay here so you're fucking staying here. So shut up and go to sleep." Kanda continued to growl as he carried Allen out of the bathroom and to the empty room. Allen gasped again as Kanda gently tossed Allen onto the bed before storming out of the room. Slowly sitting up in the bed Allen blinked confused. What the hell had Nea said that had pissed Kanda off so bad? Maybe Tiedoll would tell him…or Marie. Maybe Marie was his best bet as Marie seemed very honest. Allen would have to catch Marie alone sometime. Aw…now Marie knew how broken Allen was too…Just how many people were going to find out? Allen had to find a way to get rid of Nea…or stop leaving his apartment again…go back to his isolation. That sounded good. Try to go back to how things were before. To where the only person he interacted with was Cross. Yeah…that sounded good. Allen laid back on the bed closing his eyes.

"You should at least get under the covers stupid Moyashi." Kanda growled softly as he walked back into the room. Allen opened one eye to look at Kanda who had a small pile of clothes in his hands.

"Kanda…what did Nea say…?" Allen slowly sat back up. Kanda set the clothes on the dresser before turning to face Allen. It was clear Kanda really didn't want to talk about what had happened. Kanda had been so mad, he had said something he didn't even realize he had felt until he had yelled it. "Kanda…I'm scared…Of myself…what I might do. I might hurt someone…or worse…go back to Tyki…I don't want to go back to Tyki…but Nea does…I'm so scared Kanda I don't know what my own body is doing…What's wrong with me…" Allen covered his eyes as he started to cry. Kanda sighed moving to sit on the edge of the bed holding Allen from the side. Allen hid his face in Kanda's neck still hiding his face behind his hands at the same time.

"Nothing's wrong with you Moyashi. You're fine. I won't let Nea do anything like that. I won't let him drag you back to that bastard or let him hurt anyone okay? So just calm down." Kanda said rather softly as he held Allen close. After some time Allen calmed down enough to stop crying. He was so tired but he didn't want to sleep as he didn't want to have nightmares. Kanda tried to get out of the bed but Allen stopped him by grabbing his sleeve. Kanda looked down at Allen confused.

"…I don't have my sleep medication…." It took a second for Kanda to process what Allen was talking about. Then he recalled Allen's nightmare at his hotel room before. There wasn't much Kanda could really do about that though… "Could…you stay with me…last time…when you stayed with me…I didn't have nightmares…" Allen spoke softly. Kanda continued to stare at Allen.

"….Yeah. Just let me change first. You should change too." Kanda turned away leaving the room. Allen looked to the clothes on the dresser before getting out of the bed to get dressed. It was clear the clothes were Kanda's again. Strangely Allen felt he could get used to wearing Kanda's pajamas. As Kanda was heading back to Allen's room he was stopped I the hall by Tiedoll who was heading to his in home office.

"Yu? Where you going?" Tiedoll asked as he noticed Kanda ready for bed with his hair down and everything but heading away from his room. Kanda stopped to glare at Tiedoll.

"Not your business old man." Kanda growled before walking on. Tiedoll watched as Kanda went into the room where Allen was staying. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He was glad that Kanda actually cared about someone…but he might end up hurt by Allen…even though Tiedoll had said Allen would never hurt Kanda…he wasn't so sure now…Also Tiedoll was going to have a sit down with the two if they were going to enter a real relationship given Allen's past.

Kanda held Allen close as they slept. It seemed at first that Allen was going to have a peaceful night but it seemed Nea had other ideas. In Allen's dream he was sitting in a bed that he knew he hated. And a mirror image of him stood at the foot of the bed.

_"Allen…that man…Kanda…he said he loves you." Dream Nea said. Allen looked from the silk white sheets to Nea._

_"Kanda did? Really?" Allen refused to smile. He remained stoic not wanting Nea to be able to read him easily. Even if they were the same person that didn't mean they understood each other. Or at least Allen knew he didn't quite understand Nea._

_"Yes. He did. But you can't love him. Your love will poison him. Taint him." Nea crawled into the bed reaching out to touch Allen's cheek as he smiled softly._

_"Poison him? I don't think that's right…" Allen shook his head. Allen didn't want to believe he couldn't love Kanda. He wanted to believe that Allen and Kanda could happily be together. That Allen could lessen his self hatred._

_"No its right. Only Master can love you and accept you as you are. Because he loves you and doesn't want to share you he made it so you can love no one else. If you go back…he can take away your pain." Nea stroked Allen's hair tenderly. Allen slapped Nea's hand away._

_"You're wrong! Tyki didn't love me! That's not why he hurt me! He hurt me to stop me from running away! That's all! Kanda does love me! There is a difference! Kanda will keep me safe! He won't hurt me! He'd save me!" Allen closed his eyes and covered his ears._

_"Oh? Well he isn't here to save you now is he!?" Nea growled as he tackled Allen on the bed his hands gripping Allen's throat. Allen struggled scratching at Nea's wrists._

_"K-Kanda! Help me! Wake me up! Please! Save me Kanda!" Allen sobbed as he continued to struggle against Nea. He was losing the fight as it grew hard to focus on anything._

_"….-shi! Moyashi!" A voice Allen knew called out in his dream._

_"K-Kanda? Help me…" Allen said weakly, opening one eye a little trying to focus on Kanda's voice._

"Moyashi! Wake up! I'm here! You're safe!" Kanda was sitting up in bed shaking Allen who was struggling in his sleep against Kanda. Allen's eyes flashed open as tears streamed down his cheeks. He reached out wrapping his arms around Kanda sobbing uncontrollably. Kanda pulled Allen up so they were sitting up rather then Kanda leaning over Allen while Allen hugged him. Kanda held Allen close stroking his hair when Tiedoll and Marie came into the room. Kanda looked over his shoulder at the two shaking his head gesturing that now wasn't the time to talk.

"K-Kanda…I'm so scared…Nea…Nea…he tried…tried to strangle me…He's mad…mad that I don't love Tyki…that I won't go back…" Allen surprised Kanda when he pushed away scrambling out of the bed so he stood away from Kanda and the two in the doorway. He stood shaking his head panting. Tiedoll could tell Allen was having one of his panic attacks. "No…I can't…. Kanda…I'm sorry…I can't…Nea will hurt you…I'll hurt you…I…have to go…Don't…don't contact me anymore…" Allen rushed past Tiedoll and Marie hurrying out of the house. Kanda climbed out of the bed to chase after Allen but Tiedoll stopped Kanda by wrapping an arm around Kanda's waist holding him back. Kanda reached out in front of him trying to get away from Tiedoll before glaring at Tiedoll.

"Let me go old man! Its not safe for him! Its one in the damn morning! Let me the fuck go!" Kanda struggled against Tiedoll. He struggled more when he heard the front door slam shut.

"Yu…I can't…my son comes before my patients…" Tiedoll said solemnly looking down at Kanda who was fuming.

"You fucking idiot! He's not just a patient! He's Moyashi! Let me go now or I'll beat the shit out of you!" Kanda gripped Tiedoll's shirt with a death grip.

Allen stopped running when he was at a park he recognized. He rested his hands on his knees as he hunched over trying to catch his breath. He was bare foot and in Kanda's slightly baggy pajamas…he really should have thought that through but he had to get away. The thought of Allen ever hurting Kanda scared him even more than anything relating to Tyki. Nea would hurt Kanda, he would try to kill Kanda. Because right now…Kanda was the only thing keeping Allen in control. The only thing keeping Nea from being able to go back to Tyki. Kanda was Allen's only light in the darkness. And any light Nea felt he had to snuff out. To keep Allen afraid and in the dark so he felt Tyki was his only option in life.

Allen was going to get Kanda to hate him. That was the only way to keep Kanda safe. If Kanda hated Allen then Allen would have nothing left and then Kanda would be safe. Safe from him. From this weak broken shell of a person who had no idea who they were.

"Just go back to Master. That will make that stupid man hate you." Nea said in Allen's head.

"Shut up. I'm done with you Nea. You'll be gone too soon enough so just stop talking. I'm done with you. Done with Kanda, Tyki, Tiedoll, Marian-san…all of you. I'm done." Allen started to run to his apartment.

"What are you talking about? Allen…what are you planning?" Nea demanded but Allen was ignoring him. Allen threw open the door to his apartment once it was unlocked before slamming it shut. He want straight to the kitchen grabbing the sharpest knife he had which was very sharp. Really…Tiedoll should know better than to let weak people keep sharp objects. That was a fleeting thought of Allen's.

"Allen! Stop!" Nea protested trying to take control but Allen wasn't going to let him. Rather quickly and roughly Allen slit one of his wrists vertically following the vein in his wrist before weakly gripping the knife in his other hand doing the same to his other wrist. The cuts were deep and about an inch or two long. The knife fell to the floor with a clatter as Allen dropped it before sitting on the floor his back resting against the cupboards as his arms laid out to the sides blood flowing out of his wrists at a rather fast rate pooling on the floor at Allen's sides. The world started to fade Allen closed his eyes welcoming the loss of feeling. The numbness was such a wonderful feeling to Allen right now. And he was happy as he knew he wouldn't hurt anyone anymore.

"Really? This was your best solution? Suicide? Have I no say?" Nea sighed rather displeased with Allen's actions.

"No. You don't. You aren't supposed to exist. I never should have even created you in the first place. You deserve this just as much as I do. So shut up and die." Allen thought. Even Nea's stupid nagging couldn't ruin this moment of bliss. Just as Allen could feel the last of his conscious slipping away he barely registered noises in his apartment.

"...-llen! Allen! Shit! Allen!" A panicked voice called. Who was it? Allen had no idea. He couldn't focus well enough on the voice to figure it out. He was too busy trying to die. No. Don't try and save him. Allen tried to resist the hands that were applying pressure to his bleeding wrists. "Stop! I'm not going to fucking let you die kid! Stay with me! Shit! Damn it! Allen!" Allen groaned softly. Cross…damn…couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Why was he bothering to try and save a stupid idiot kid with serious problems? Allen's body started to slide falling over a bit.

"No! Allen listen to me damn it! You can't fucking die!" Cross growled as he pulled Allen back into a sitting position. Once Allen was upright Cross let go of Allen's wrists rushing to the bathroom for the first aid kit before hurrying back. He did his best to wrap the wounds before lifting Allen up cradling him to his chest as Cross rushed out of the apartment. Cross was scared out of his mind. Allen was so cold and pale. It wasn't even clear if Allen was still alive till a very weak groan escaped his lips as Cross set Allen in the passenger seat of his car before he drove Allen to the hospital. As he drove he had his phone which was on speaker in his hand.

"Tiedoll! What the fuck happened!?" Cross demanded as he sped down the street.

"I don't know. Allen had a bad dream…" Tiedoll was cut off by Cross.

"The fuck kind of bad dream did he have?! The kid is fucking dying in my damn car right now!" Cross growled.

"What?! What the fuck do you mean!?" Cross could hear Kanda in the background. So Tiedoll had him on speakerphone too. Allen whimpered softly as if reaching to Kanda's voice.

"Fucking brat don't talk right now! Tiedoll! Speak!" Cross commanded as he sped through a red light nearly getting in an accident.

"All I know is in his dream Nea tried to kill Allen. When Allen woke up he was freaked out. He said something about hurting Yu before he told Yu not to contact him anymore then ran out." Tiedoll explained just about as panicked at Cross or Kanda.

"What the fuck do you mean the Moyashi is dying old lecture!?" Kanda repeated his question rather impatient. Cross knew for sure Allen could hear Kanda as Allen let out another soft whimper.

"Shut the fuck up you little shit! He can hear you! And how else can I fucking explain that…shit!" Cross slammed on the breaks reaching his arm out to keep Allen in place as he avoided a collision. "He fucking tried to kill himself. And he did a pretty damn good job!"

Cross sped off as the light turned green Allen groaned softly slumping more into the seat. He seemed to be a little more aware of his surroundings as his eyes kept opening and closing his eyes a little and tried to undo the bandages around his wrists. Cross cursed as he dropped his phone into his lap gripping both of Allen's slender wrists in his hand to prevent Allen from removing the bandages and open the wounds to bleed out.

"You idiot! Stop it! You are not dying and you are not bleeding out in my damn car!" Cross growled. It was way too difficult to drive in a rush, talk on the phone and keep the suicidal kid next to him from killing himself.

"Moyashi! You fucking die and I'll never fucking forgive you!" Kanda growled. Allen whined weakly struggling against Cross' hand. Cross growled tightening his grip on Allen's wrists.

"Yu if you do not shut your fucking mouth…it'll be you who fucking dies tonight. You are not fucking helping. At all. In fact you are making it much fucking worse!" Cross threatened.

"Cross! Do not threaten my son like that!" Tiedoll spoke up.

"Its your sons fault that my….whatever the fuck Allen is…is fucking trying to die!" Cross retorted. Tiedoll scoffed and Kanda growled. Finally Cross reached the hospital not caring if he parked in the wrong place or not he parked in the first open space he found. He hung up the phone before hurrying out of the car and to the passenger side. The like five seconds Cross was out of the car Allen had fallen over so his head was over the driver seat his back over the console in the middle. Allen had past out finally so he didn't resist at all when Cross pulled him out of the car cradling him to his chest again as he ran into the emergency room.


	10. In the hospital

**Authors note: short chapters...and ignore the whole how many chapters i will be publishing today...-_-**

"Nng…stupid beeping…what is that?" Allen thought. His world was still dark so all Allen could do was focus on what he heard and felt. There was the really annoying beeping that was rythmatic and giving him a headache. Bedding, his hands were laying on not so soft blankets. He was rather cold so shivers ran through his body. He was so tired, so cold…and something other than his head hurt. What? What else hurt? Allen tired to focus on the pain. Wait...pain? Dead people shouldn't feel pain right? Damn…was he still alive? Allen groaned weakly praying he was wrong. Hoping he had died, that he wasn't, if his muddled instincts were right, in a hospital bed right now still breathing. The beeping…that's what it was. Damn…it was his stupid heart. Still beating…How annoying.

"Nng…" Allen groaned again as he slowly started to open his eyes then quickly closed them. The white was too bright. Too bright after all the darkness Allen had been drifting in for so long. He didn't want to see the bright light. Slowly Allen's lifted up before rather clumsily and meekly covered his eyes. Something was in his arm…there was something attached to it. If he really was in a hospital then in his arm must be…an IV. Blood? Allen reached over trying to pull the IV out clumsily but a hand grabbed his stopping him. "W-who…?" Allen asked barely a whisper with his eyes still closed.

"Kid. You awake?" A stern voice called Allen's attention.

"M-Marian…san…?" Allen still couldn't really focus. He was so tired…so weak…he just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again.

"Yeah. Can you open your eyes?" Cross was talking too soft. It was strange to Allen's ears.

"N-no…too bright. Too white…don't want to see so bright…" Allen's words were a little slurred from sleep and blood loss. He felt the hand leave his and heard movement. A click sound before more movement.

"Better?" What had he done? Allen opened one eye a tiny bit. The room wasn't as bright anymore. The light? Cross had turned it off? Allen blinked slowly opening his eyes to look at Cross. Cross looked like hell…that was a first. He wasn't wearing his glasses, he looked like he hadn't slept in days and his beautiful long fiery red hair was a mess.

"Y-yeah…why…why did you save me…? I wanted to die…" Tears filled Allen's eyes making it impossible to see and made his headache worse. Cross stared at Allen reaching out to run his fingers though Allen's hair. Allen turned his head away from Cross. Cross slowly pulled his hand away. It was clear that Allen was angry.

"I couldn't let you die. I'm supposed to keep you safe. Even if its from yourself…" Cross continued to speak softly. Allen couldn't help but laugh.

"Keep me safe? Where the hell were you six years ago? When he came into my apartment? Forced your debt and himself on me? When I called out, **_for you_**, to help me? To save me. Never in my life have I ever asked for help. And the one time I did, you aren't there when I called for you." Allen sobbed. His head was turned away from cross. He couldn't look at Cross right now. Cross took a deep breath.

"Allen…"

"No! Don't! Don't…say my name…don't speak to me right now." Allen gripped the sheets as tightly as he could which wasn't very tight at all given the damage to his wrists. "You asked once…do I blame you for what happened? I do. And I hate myself for it but I do. If you hadn't been so weak…been such a coward…if you hadn't run away…then the debt wouldn't have become mine to pay off. Tyki wouldn't have held so much power over me. I would have been able to keep away from him. This…all of this is your fault! Get out! Leave me alone! I hate you Marian Cross! You are the worst guardian ever! This is all your fault! You did this to me!" Allen sobbed still not looking at Cross. Cross was frozen in shock before he slowly stood up leaving the room. A few minutes later two nurses came into the room. Allen didn't resist as they restrained his arms with the stupid fluffy cuffs hospitals used. Though the cuffs were a little higher on his arms as the couldn't put them on his now stitched up and bandaged wrists. No if they did that Allen might reopened the wounds. Though right now Allen lay as lifeless as a doll. The nurses looked at him in pity but he didn't care or really even noticed as he stared at a random spot on the wall to his right.

* * *

"Allen? Allen are you listening to me?" Tiedoll was practically begging for his attention but Allen was still staring at the wall in his right. Tiedoll was sitting in the chair Cross had been in before which was on Allen's left. "Allen…come on…how long are you going to be like this? You can't ignore me forever." Tiedoll had been visiting Allen every day for the last week. Cross had been back since Allen told him her hated him. And Tiedoll wasn't letting anyone but himself one particular nurse and Allen's doctor in the room. But Cross hadn't been back by his own choice not because Tiedoll was isolating Allen. Tiedoll couldn't stop Cross if he wanted to visit Allen. And Allen knew that.

"Watch me ignore you." Allen thought bitterly as he stared at the wall. He knew the hospital had to let him out at some point. As soon as they did Allen would get as far away from Tiedoll, Cross and all the others as humanly possible. He was so mad, they should have just let him die! They had no right to take death away from him! He had been so close to being free! So close to making sure everyone he….refusingly…cared about was safe. He was never going to forgiven them for this! T Why couldn't they see they were better off with him dead!?

"Allen…please…We **_need_** to talk. I **_need_** you to talk to me. We need to work this out or they'll commit you…Is that what you want?" Tiedoll said softly.

"Would it get me away from you and the others? That might be for the best…Isolation…that's the best for everyone around me….everyone will be safe if I'm confined." Allen thought as he closed his eyes. When Tiedoll gently gripped Allen's arm Allen didn't react at all which made Tiedoll sighed. "How much time can you even waste here?" Oops…that thought escaped his lips in a quiet whispered. Allen hoped it had been too quiet for Tiedoll to hear.

"As much time as it takes Allen. Glad to see you can talk and know I'm here." Seems Allen was never lucky. He really should give up on luck. Allen sighed rolling his eyes before he slowly turned his head to look at Tiedoll. It was obvious Allen hadn't slept well in the past week. If possible…Allen hadn't slept at all that week.

"I hate you too. Go away. Leave me alone. Just give up. I have, so you should too. Commit me. It's better that way anyway." Allen said softly before looking away again.

"Allen…when was the last time you slept?" How could Tiedoll ignore what he had just said? Allen sighed shaking his head.

"I don't know…the drugs they give me…make it hard to sleep. How long have I been here?" Allen tried to reach up to rub his eyes but the cuff on his arm reminded him of another reason he wasn't sleeping well.

"Allen…I can get those removed if you can promise you won't hurt yourself again." Tiedoll offered. Allen turned his head to give a strange smile as Allen was drugged and tired to high heaven.

"I can't." Allen whispered playfully before laughing softly. Of course right now he was too weak to hurt himself but if he was free and stronger he would try again and he knew it. "Wait…no...I mean…I promise I won't try to hurt myself."

"Allen…if you are going to lie…don't do it so blatantly. You are better than that. I'm really disappointed." Tiedoll sighed.

"I have never…lied to you before." Allen growled softly as he glared at Tiedoll.

"You may not have lied but I know that you can. And that you could do it well if you needed to." Tiedoll leaned back in his seat. "I'll see what I can do about the drugs they are giving you so you can sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Tiedoll stood up.

"No! Please…I don't want to sleep….I don't want to dream. They are there…in my dreams…Nea and…Tyki….Please don't make me dream…" Allen begged. Truly begged. Tiedoll stopped by the door to stare at Allen.

"Allen…you need to sleep. Sleep deprivation can have worse effects than nightmares." Tiedoll remarked before leaving. A few moments later the nurse came into the room. Allen finally resisted the nurses actions for the first time since he came to the hospital as the nurse stuck a needle in the injection spot of his fluid IV. Slowly Allen's resisting ceased and his body relaxed as the drug took its affect.


	11. Memories

**Authors note and warning: Rape. Its the first time Tyki takes Allen. It ties in with what Allen told Cross before he said mean things to him...Poor cross...sorta...**

_Allen stood with his eyes shut as Tyki stood up from his bed. His eyes opened quickly when he knew Tyki was standing right in front of him. The look in those golden eyes froze Allen in place. The look in his eyes was with lust and hunger. Not a good look in Allen's opinion. _

_"So…you agree to become my pet?" Tyki gently stroked Allen's cheek with his knuckles. The touch sent bad shivers through out Allen's body. Allen's breath caught as he tried t take a deep breath. _

_"I see no other option…" Allen turned his head away from Tyki._

_"So tell me…have you ever even had sex before." The blush on Allen's cheek was all the response Tyki needed. "Hm…pure…not for long. When I am through with you…" Tyki made Allen look at him by taking his chin between his thumb and index finger. He was grinning maliciously. "You will be the most tainted, broken person in the world."_

_Allen gasped as his shirt was ripped open and off his body before forced onto his bed. Tyki made quick work of ridding Allen of all his clothes. Allen was roughly rolled onto his stomach and forced to his knees with his head still on the bed._

_"This is going to hurt a lot." Tyki promised right before he forced himself into the very unprepared virgin entrance. Allen screamed in pure agony gripping the sheet._

_"No! Stop! Please! It hurts!" Allen begged as tears streamed down his cheeks. The pain only got worse which Allen hadn't thought possible as Tyki started to move at a hard fast pace not even letting Allen adjust to his member inside of him. Allen continued to cry out in protested but Tyki ignored him. "No! M-Marian-san! Help me!" Allen sobbed. That made Tyki laugh._

_"That waste of a man can't help you. So shut up and take it." Tyki grunted reaching forward to cover Allen's mouth gasping in surprise when Allen bit down hard on his index finger. Tyki pulled his hand away noting that Allen had actually drawn blood before he gripped Allen's hair painfully as he yanked on Allen's hair making him call out in pain. "You'll pay for that later pet. I promise you that."_

_"You…son of a bitch…" Allen growled. Oh Tyki was going to enjoy breaking Allen. _

_"Its Master. Or at least Tyki if you need to call out something." Tyki gritted as he drew close to his climax. It wasn't too surprising it was so quick as Allen was so tight from being a virgin and that he was refusing Tyki with body and mind. _

_"B-Bastard…I will never call you that!" Allen groaned in pain as Tyki started to thrust harder and faster._

_"Geez pet…you feel so good even as you refuse me…that makes it so much better actually…so tight…" Tyki groaned as he released deep inside of Allen. He pulled out pushing Allen down. "Damn. So good. I'd usually go for a second round but I don't want to break this." Tyki pressed a finger to Allen's entrance that oozed blood and semen. Allen gasped softly biting back a wince as Tyki lifted Allen up carrying him to the bathroom. Oh no way…there was barely enough room in his shower for Allen alone…Tyki really was going to try and fit the both of them? That seemed right as Tyki set Allen on his feet before pushing him into the shower. Allen stumbled into the shower falling to his knees as his hands hit the wall. He didn't move from where he landed until Tyki entered the shower pulling Allen to his feet before turning on the shower. _

_"Oh I know you must hurt pet…" Tyki feigned sympathy as he ran his fingers through Allen's hair. "But you dirtied me with your blood. So you have to clean me." Tyki grinned sadistically. Allen tried to push himself out of Tyki's hold but Tyki wasn't going to let him. _

_"Go…to hell…you did that to yourself. Clean yourself." Allen growled wincing when pain shot up his spine from his backside. He knew he wasn't going to be able to move or sit right for a long while. _

_"Ah-ah. You're my pet. You have to do whatever I say. Now you have three seconds to start cleaning or I'll make you clean it with your mouth. You want that?" Tyki smirked at Allen who looked down right terrified and sick. Allen glared at Tyki before he reached to a washcloth putting soap on it before he started to wash all of Tyki's body as instructed. All the while watched very closely by the grinning Tyki. _

_"Now…. usually you'd be rewarded for listening but since I had to threaten you to get you to listen you get neither reward…nor punishment since you obeyed the three second threat at least. Remember that well pet and you'll maybe be okay. Now pack your shit. You aren't living here anymore. It's gross and rather inconvenient." Tyki stated as he climbed out of the shower. _

_"Can I at least wash __**myself **__first?" Allen asked a little bitter but more quiet than anything. Tyki stopped to stare at Allen for a second. _

_"Be quick. You have till I've dried and dressed." Tyki processed to dry himself. Allen had to kneel in the shower as it hurt too much and his legs were too weak to hold up himself up any longer. Tyki turned to the side to watch Allen. He couldn't help but think of how much he liked seeing Allen on his knees. Allen looked at Tyki out of the corner of his eye to see how long he had left in the shower. Not long. Allen focused really only on washing away the blood and semen between his legs before leaving the shower. Allen left the bathroom in just a towel to get dressed and pack his stuff. His living hell was about to begin._

"Walker-san! Walker-san wake up! You're having a bad dream!" The nurse was trying to wake Allen who was thrashing about as much as he could with his arms restrained. Allen was covering sweat and he was screaming incoherently in his sleep. The nurse jumped when Allen's eyes shot opened and Allen tensed up. At least he wasn't thrashing about anymore which meant he wasn't likely to open his wounds on his wrists. Allen took a deep breath laying down in the bed as he had arched his back while freaking out. As Allen started to lay down the nurse started to fix the cuffs that had gotten loose and had slid down Allen's arms.

"…..I want to see Ka….." Allen started to talk softly then cut off entirely making the nurse look at him worried. She thought he had passed out or something with how he trailed off but it was clear he was still conscious.

"Who do you want to see Walker-san?" It was actually the first time she had heard Allen speak. He sounded so alone and in pain. That really hurt her but she wasn't going to mention it.

"No one… I told him not to talk to me…I have no right to ask to see him…I can't use him like that…" Allen turned his head away from the nurse.

"What do you mean use him?" The nurse asked softly.

"Use him like…I don't know. I just…can't expect him to save me…its not fair. It shouldn't be his job to save me…." Allen closed his eyes as tears threatened to escape.

"Ah so Walker-chan is talking now? This is good." A man stood in the room now. He had dark purple hair and was smiling happily.

"Oh Dr. Lee. I hadn't noticed you." The nurse commented.

"I know. I'm sneaky like that. Hello Walker-chan. I am your doctor. Komui Lee. I've introduced myself before but I'm not sure you heard me last time." Allen's eyes fell on Komui, he looked a little agitated. Allen remembered Komui. He hadn't remembered his name but his smiling face was hard to forget.

"What do you want?" Allen demanded quietly but bitterly.

"Just came to check on you. The nurses said your monitor was rather...chaotic." Komui moved to he stood next to Allen's bed. Allen turned his head forward but he still glared up at Komui.

"Komui…wait…are you….Lenalee's older brother?" Allen finally realized where he had heard that name before.

"Oh? You know my sweet younger sister Lenalee?" Komui said all lovey dovey.

"Yeah…we went to high school together… Please don't tell her what I did. She'll freak out…" Allen remarked.

"Allen…do you regret trying to kill yourself?" Komui asked as he sat in the chair.

"No. I regret failing to kill myself. You wouldn't understand so don't ask." Allen looked away from Komui whose smile had faded.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Komui ignored Allen's order not to ask about it.

"Everyone is better off with me dead….safer…" Allen sighed not looking at Komui.

"Are you a danger to people Allen?" Komui needed to understand Allen to figure out what the next step was.

"Only to those Nea doesn't like or he thinks stands in his way to win control and return to the man he thinks he loves." Allen was scratching his palms with his nails hard enough to draw blood but the action went unnoticed by the other two in the room.

"Who is Nea?" Komui shifted in his chair to get comfortable.

"He's…a dual personality I created in order to protect myself. Now I don't know how to get rid of him…He wants to hurt Kanda…I can't let him hurt Kanda. I don't care what he does to me…but I have to protect Kanda… Nea could trick him…make him think it's me then…stab him in the back…" Allen's voice cracked showing his pain more than he cared to show. "I don't want to hurt him…"

"I don't think you can Allen. Your love for him would overpower this Nea person if he tried to hurt Yu-chan. I assume you are referring to Froi's son? Yu Kanda?" Komui watched as tears silently escaped Allen's wide eyes that stared at the ceiling.

"L…love… I don't know what that is…" Allen slowly closed his eyes.

"Just because you don't know what it is doesn't mean you don't feel it." Komui remarked.

"Dr. Lee…he wants to see Kanda-san. He started to say his name after he woke up from his nightmare." The nurse commented.

"No! He's…so mad at me…as he should be. I don't want to see him…He needs to hate me…" Allen took a deep breath. It'd be so much easier to stay away from Kanda if Kanda hated him. It hurt his heart to think of never seeing Kanda again but it was the best. Komui stood up from his seat.

"Well in the end its only up to you and Yu whether or not you two ever see each other again. No one else can make that choice." Komui started for the door.

"Wait…" Allen called out softly making Komui look over his shoulder. "Its rather cold…could I get another blanket?" Allen asked shyly.

"Of course. No need for you to freeze." Komui smiled before nodding to the nurse as a silent command for her to get Allen more blankets. A little while later the nurse returned with more blankets for Allen. Of course the lack of blood in Allen was part of the reason he was so cold. The nurse stayed in the room with Allen to keep an eye on him.


	12. Decisions

**Authors note:...um...I dont know...I don't own D. grey man. and please review...forget to add that all the time...**

Komui was in his office on the phone with Tiedoll arguing with him over Allen's isolation. Allen being isolated wasn't doing him any good. As far as Komui could tell Allen wasn't crazy…just scared and confused. Allen was lost with no sense of which way was the right direction. And the guiding light in the darkness for Allen seemed to be Kanda. Komui knew that Allen could never hurt Kanda. Allen would clearly kill himself before ever even posing a real threat to Kanda. Tiedoll didn't seem to care about any of that. He was being a concerned father rather than a therapist right now which rather conflicting.

"And what if your wrong? You say that Allen could overpower Nea if Nea posed a threat to Kanda. Look at what Allen did to himself. Nea is much more violent than Allen… I can't risk it. Allen is my patient…but Yu is my son. I have to protect him over my patients." Tiedoll explained gripping the phone in his home office. Little did Tiedoll know said foster child was in the hall listening to his half of the conversation.

"I am telling you. Allen, Nea, will never hurt Yu. He is physically incapable. His heart won't let him. Not letting Allen see Yu to figure things out…you would be failing as a therapist. Allen needs help. And you are denying him the only thing that can save him from himself. If Allen manages to actually kill himself…you'll be a murderer." Komui stated.

"You are telling me how to do my job?" Tiedoll almost growled. "Yu is more important to me than Allen. As horrible as it is to say as I care a lot about Allen. I have lost patients before…but I have never lost a child nor do I intend to. Allen can get a new therapist…" Tiedoll was cut off by Kanda practically kicking in his door.

"Old man! You are not going to give up on him! Let me see him damn it! This is about him and me. So **_he_** and**_ I_** should be discussing things! Not you!" Kanda growled slamming his hands down on Tiedoll's desk. Tiedoll stared up into Kanda's eyes. His eyes were very determined and Tiedoll knew there was no stopping Kanda.

"Yu….don't get mad at me…I just worry about you…" Tiedoll hadn't meant to upset Kanda with his words about Allen.

"I can fucking protect myself! He's fucking Moyashi! He can't hurt me! He's too damn weak and too damn caring. Now tell me where he is." Kanda demanded.

"Yu…." Tiedoll sighed. There really was no winning. He gave in telling Kanda where Allen was. Kanda was halfway out the office as Tiedoll told him where to find Allen. Kanda wasted no time getting to the hospital. The nurse in charge of Allen tried to stop Kanda from entering Allen's room.

"Get the fuck out of my way. I have fucking Tiedoll's permission to see Moyashi." Kanda growled softly but it still had its usual effect. The nurse froze standing between Kanda and the door to Allen's room.

"Let him through. Its okay." Komui called from behind Kanda. Kanda glared over his shoulder at Komui as the nurse slowly moved out of the way unsure. Kanda huffed softly before entering the room a little more calm than he was actually feeling. He stopped at the foot of the bed to see a pale sleeping Allen in the bed. It was painful to see Allen in such a state. Kanda walked slowly to the side of the bed reaching out to look at Allen's bandaged wrist that was closest to him. He unwrapped the bandage to see just how badly Allen had hurt himself. It really took Kanda by surprise just how bad it was. Allen was most definitely going to have two more scars. Even the best of surgeons couldn't prevent the deeps scars Allen was going to have when the wounds were completely healed. Slowly Kanda's hand trailed up to the cuff on Allen's arm. It really pissed Kanda off that Allen was restrained but he understood why he was.

"Don't. I feel safer with them on." Allen said softly unmoving as Kanda started to undo the cuff on the arm which Kanda had removed the bandage from. Kanda stared down at Allen as Allen slowly opened his eyes to look up at Kanda. He seemed so tired…worn out. Done. Allen was done. He had given up. Allen was done fighting.

"Moyashi…you need to get out of here. This place is depressing." Kanda said softly as he looked around the room avoiding looking at Allen. He couldn't stand to see Allen like this. So lifeless and weak. Allen laughed softly as he shook his head.

"I'm never getting out. After this I'm quite certain I'm going to be committed…I mean come on Kanda. Seriously? I tried to kill myself…I have split personality…I'm crazy…I need to be committed." Allen was trying not to laugh.

"Shut up. When the hell did you become so weak?" Kanda demanded glaring down at Allen who stared in return. "This really isn't you at all. You're just giving up like that? You're going to let Nea win just like that? When happened to the Allen that was starting to open up? Started to actually live again? Like a normal person."

"K-Kanda…" Allen stared up at Kanda unsure of what to say. What **_could_** he say? Allen blinked as tears threatened to escape his eyes. He was so tired of crying. Of being so weak. "K….Kanda… h-help me… I don't want to be weak anymore… I want to be normal…I want to be able to stand at your side and not be afraid of myself... I know I really have no right to ask you to…." Allen was cut off by something warm and soft pressing against his lips. Allen opened his eyes that he hadn't even realized he closed to see that what he was feeling was Kanda's lips pressed to his own. Kanda's eyes were closed so he didn't see the tears that fell from Allen's eyes as he closed his eyes again.

"I… love you Kanda…" Allen said softly into the kiss.

"Good. Cause I love you too Moyashi." Kanda smiled softly as he pulled away just a little to stare into Allen's eyes. "Ha. I found you Moyashi. I knew you were in there." Kanda smiled softly as he saw some of the life return to Allen's eyes. But with that life came confusion, fear and uncertainty. Kanda brushed Allen's bangs back as he placed a tender kiss on Allen's forehead.

"I'll help you. No matter what. I'll help you become strong. And for as long as you let me…I'll keep you by my side." Kanda promised. Allen let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes again. He was…so happy…and so scared. But with Kanda at his side…Allen could believe that everything would be alright in the end.

"…..Would it be too much to ask you to say that again…?" Allen asked softly. Kanda stared at Allen trying to figure out what he needed to hear again. Kanda gently flicked Allen's forehead.

"Just this once I'll say it cause you asked. I love you Moyashi. So you're just gonna have to deal with me." Kanda teased making Allen laugh softly.

"Thank you Kanda." Allen smiled up at Kanda. Really in his own strange way Kanda was very caring. And Allen was very thankful to have been able to get to meet Kanda in person. Oh…that made Allen think of something. Something he needed to fix. "Kanda…could you do me a favor? I need to talk to Marian-san. Can you ask him to come to the hospital to see me? I haven't seen him since a little after I woke up here."

"Sure…I guess I can tell him you want to see him…" Kanda had a very displeased expression as he looked off to the side. Kanda and Cross really did not get along. Allen had no idea as to why that was, he just knew it was true.

"Thank you Kanda. For everything. You really are like a samurai…my samurai…" Allen smiled up at Kanda sleepily yet very happy. Kanda scoffed softly in slight amusement as he shook his head softly.


	13. AN

**Hey I sincerely apologize for getting your hopes up that this is a new chapter but its not. But this does not bare bad news. In truth its good news. I intended to revise the story and republish it since there were some issues brought to my attention in the story. Such as Komui being Allens first publisher then his doctor later... So Sorry but I promise to fix the story and post a new chapter soon! Please be patient with me! *bows apologetically* **


	14. Being discharged

AN:** I am sorry for the delay in posting a new chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own man.**

Allen had already been in the hospital for what felt like forever but really had only been a few weeks. He really wanted to leave but the doctors still wouldn't let him. They weren't fully convinced Allen wouldn't try to kill himself again even though he could swear he was much happier than before. Cross and Allen had talked things out and were doing better. Both had decided to do "family" therapy and Cross was also attending AA which was good but it left him a little testy at times but Allen was perfectly fine with that since it meant Cross wasn't going to die soon of liver failure.

Today Allen was sitting up in bed playing poker with Kanda who was losing terribly and Cross was in the corner reading. They couldn't read the cover of the book since Cross had taken it off but they were both sure he was reading one of Allen's books. Why else would he have removed the cover? It was nice that Allen and Cross were getting along better and that Cross was taking the time to understand Allen. Kanda and Cross were getting along a little better too which made Allen really happy cause he really liked Kanda and wanted them to get along so neither relationship didn't stress anyone out. Because Allen really didn't want to have to decide between his father figure Cross or his boyfriend Kanda. Especially since he feared he would most likely pick Kanda over Cross.

"Hey Allen how you feeling?" Komui asked with a smile as he walked into Allen's room making Allen look up from his cards.

"Hey Komui! I'm feeling good. "Allen smiled at Komui before looking to his cards again. "What kind of test are we running today?"

"Actually I just need you to sign some things." Komui said holding some papers out to Allen who set his cards face down on the bed taking the papers reading them.

"Discharge papers...? Wait... I get to leave?" Allen asked giving Komui a hopeful smile.

"Yes. Now you have to keep an eye on your wrists for a while. If the wounds open or show signs of infection you have to come straight back. Also I have a prescription for some pain killers in case the wounds bother you. They are bound to get agitated for a while..." Komui stated as he offered Allen a pen who took it signing the papers.

"I'm no stranger to scars Komui... Thank you though." Allen gave Komui the papers and pen back with a bright smile. That smile convinced Komui he had nothing to worry about with Allen. "So this means I can leave like right now?"

"Yes. You can leave right now. I can have a nurse fetch you a robe to wear over your outfit..." Allen was only wearing a hospital shirt, hospital kapris and a pair of flats rather than his own clothes.

"Nah I'm fine!" Allen said cheerfully as he hopped out of bed nearly right onto Kanda who sat right next to the bed. "I'm so ready to go home!"

"Yeah I figured you would be." Komui smiled at Allen happy to see Allen so cheerful. Cross and Kanda both stood up since Allen seemed ready to pretty much run out of the hospital. Not that they could blame him. No one **_likes_** spending time in the hospital especially when you are held there against your will.

"Great let's go home!" Allen said brightly looking to Cross.

"Yeah yeah kiddo. Calm down before you explode." Cross chuckled softly.

A few hours later Allen was home at his apartment with Cross and Kanda. He had missed his apartment so much. It had really sucked being cooped up in the hospital that Allen had asked them to stop at a park for about an hour. Once they were back at the apartment they stopped in the entry hall staring into the kitchen where there was two huge spots on the floor where Allen's blood had dried. The sight made Kanda pale, he hadn't realized just how _**much** _blood Allen had lost.

"I'm not sure there's any fixing that kiddo... We might have to replace the floor." Cross stated moving to sit on the couch.

"I'll try bleaching it first. At least it won't look as bad and no one will think we killed someone... hopefully..." Allen commented before he went to get the bleach from under the sink to start cleaning the floor up. After about an hour of scrubbing the floor looked a little better than it had before. Allen as was going to have to replace the floor but that was okay. It's not like Allen couldn't afford to replace the floor. It was an old floor any way.

After Allen was done cleaning the floor the three decided to order some dinner. They ordered some Chinese food. Allen didn't care what they ate as long as it wasn't nasty hospital food. He could die happy if he never had to eat hospital food again. As they ate they sat in the living room watching a movie. Of course it was a movie Kanda had acted in. Cross recognized the movie which made him snicker and Allen blush when he figured out what Cross was snickering about.

"What?" Kanda asked the blushing Allen who was eating trying to his embarrassment.

"Nothing!" Allen squeaked trying to hide more.

"Oh come on kiddo. Why don't you tell him~?" Cross asked still snickering.

"Shut up Cross! Why would I tell him that!?" Allen protested glaring at Cross.

"Tell me what?" Kanda asked looking between the two confused.

"Nothing Kanda" Allen tried to assure Kanda that it wasn't important. But of course Kanda didn't believe him.

"This movie here is how I found out Allen was your number one fan~" Cross spoke up making Allen turn even more red.

"How so?" Kanda asked looking to Cross who was grinning.

"Nothing!" Allen protested reaching over to cover Kanda's ears so he couldn't hear. Thank god Cross wasn't lewd enough to explain through a gesture or Allen might have died from embarrassment. Kanda removed Allen's hands from his ears kissing the knuckles of his hands holding them gently to say he wasn't going to press the matter since it clearly upset Allen.

"Ill just say it's how I found out Allen is gay." That made Allen face plant Kanda's arm to hide his embarrassment.

"Oh..." Now Kanda understood why Allen was so embarrassed. Who would want someone else to know they had pleasured themselves to a movie. Or to the thought of their boyfriend before they even personally knew each other.

Eventually Cross headed home for the night. Allen and Kanda did the dishes, dried them and put them up. Once that was done they returned to the living room. Kanda was drinking some tea and Allen had a glass of water.

"Kanda can I ask you something?" Allen broke the silence that had developed as they sat on the couch.

"Of course what's up Moyashi?" Kanda looked over at Allen who seemed very nervous.

"Will you show me what it's like to make love?" Allen asked shyly as he started at his lap.


	15. Love

**AN: Oh so last chapter I forgot to mention that my lap top crapped out so editing the old chapters will have to wait. Falling back into the rhythms of this story didn't take long... hopefully the moment lasts and I can publish a few chapters this week to make up for the lack of new chapters in the past months I was gone. Like I said I won't give up on this story. There just might be some breaks between updates sometimes. Also you can thank my friend AllenWalker009. It's thanks to them I picked this story back up and will be posting a Allen x Nea one soon. **

Kanda couldn't help but stare at Allen at first. Had his Moyashi really just asked that? Was he really asking what Kanda thought he was asking? He must have and he must be because he looked about ready to die of embarrassment.

"Moyashi... Are you asking me to make love to you?" Kanda wanted to hear Allen say it to make sure he really _**wasn't**_ imaging it. Slowly Allen nodded a little to confirm what Kanda was asking. Now Kanda was stuck in an internal debate. Of course he wanted to make love to Allen but at the same time he respected Allen and wanted to wait till they had been together a little longer... But Allen, his moyashi, was asking him to... How could he say no to his Moyashi. "Is that what you _**really **_want or are you only asking because you feel we have to do that as a couple?"

"Because I want to... I want to know what it's like... and I want it to be you who shows me... so... please... will you show me?" Allen asked softly as he looked to Kanda. There was no doubt in his eyes but he clearly feared being rejected by the one he loved. Reaching out Kanda gently cupped Allen's cheek stroking it softly with his thumb.

"Okay Moyashi... I'll show you..." Kanda leaned over gently kissing Allen before he stood up taking Allen's hand helping him to his feet guiding him to the bedroom. In the bedroom they stood face to face beside the bed with Allen's back to the bed. As they kissed slowly Kanda's hands rested on Allen's hips gently making their way up under Allen's shirt exploring the warm skin. Kanda's blind exploration came to an end when his hands found Allen's nipples. One hands fingers gently pinched and rolled the hardening nub as the other palmed the nipple. Allen surprised himself when he let out a soft moan into the kiss. He couldn't remember the last time he had let out such a noise so it sounded strange to him. Eventually Kanda broke the kiss so he could remove Allen's shirt with surprisingly no resistance from Allen. It was surprising because Kanda recalled how Allen felt about his image.

"Moyashi do you have lotion?" The question made Allen stare at Kanda confused.

"Lotion? Yeah... why?"

"To make things easier and more comfortable for you. Where is it?" Kanda explained watching as Allen reached over to the side opening the end table pulling out a bottle of cherry blossom lotion handing it to Kanda. "Japanese Cherry blossom?"

"It smells good okay? And it's not an overwhelming smell. Don't judge..."

Okay okay..." Kanda chuckled softly as he set the lotion on the bed before he pulled off his own shirt then he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Allen's hospital pants and his boxers. Allen blushed as he watched Kanda push his pants down to his ankles kneeling down in front of him looking up at him clearly plotting something which for some reason didn't seem to scare Allen. Taking Allen's half hard member into his hand Kanda started to stroke the base as he licked the tip teasing the slit with his tongue every so often. Allen moaned in surprise clearly having not expected Kanda to do such a thing. No one had ever done that to Allen before. Threading his fingers into Kanda's hair Allen threw his head back moaning louder as Kanda started to take him into his mouth slowly bit by bit devouring him gently sucking and massaging with his tongue.

"K-Kanda..." Allen panted as Kanda started move along his member sucking and humming as he did. All the sensations Allen felt were brand new and he wasn't certain what to do since he had never been on the receiving end of such treatment. He thought he would have been the one doing this to Kanda since Kanda was going to be top...right? "W-wait... Kanda... s-stop..." Instantly Kanda stopped pulling off Allen's member so he could talk looking up at Allen worried he had done something wrong to upset Allen. But when he looked up at Allen he could see how confused Allen was.

"What is it Moyashi?"

"Shouldn't it be me doing that you not you doing it to me?" Allen asked softly.

"Moyashi..." Kanda stood up so he was face to face with Allen. "How this works is I pleasure you as much as possible before I get my pleasure. Since you are my uke more often then not I'll be doing that to you. I won't make you do that for me since all I want is to please you as much as possible. You can look the terms, seme and uke up later okay? Now why don't you lay on your back on the bed?" Kanda suggested gently. Allen studied Kanda for a moment thinking over what Kanda had said before he slowly laid down on his back watching as Kanda climbed onto the bed with him. As Kanda resumed what he had been doing nestled between Allen's legs he found the lotion coating his fingers with a generous amount before he started to trace Allen's entrance only to move his finger away when Allen tensed up clearly fearful of the possible pain.

As Allen started relax again due to the pleasure Kanda's mouth was giving him Kanda used the hand without the lotion to massage Allen's hip to distract him as he very slowly started to push his finger inside Allen's tight heat that only got tighter around his finger when Allen tensed up again. Kanda waited till Allen relaxed again before he pushed his finger in the rest of the waiting again simply so Allen could adjust to the feeling of something inside him since it had been so long since Allen had had any form of sex. After a minute or two Kanda slowly started to move his finger in and out of Allen wiggling his finger around none too surprised when Allen bucked his hips a little causing him to thrust up into Kanda's mouth some calling out in pleasure as he did. Allen had never felt such pleasure, it had taken him by surprise but apparently it hadn't surprised Kanda.

"W-what was that?" Allen panted out slowly loosening his grip on Kanda's silky hair. Kanda again pulled away from Allen's member so he could speak but kept moving his finger in and out of Allen's entrance.

"That was a cluster of nerves, your sweet spot, also called your prostate. Felt good right?"

"Y-yes..." That was all Allen could manage to moan as he felt Kanda hit that same spot again making Allen arch off the bed a little. As Allen recovered from the intense wave of pleasure Kanda carefully added a second finger making sure his first finger kept pressing Allen's sweet spot to keep Allen feeling good. Soon Kanda had three fingers in Allen stretching him and Allen was a panting moaning mess with his eyes closed head thrown back as he pushed against Kanda's fingers physically begging for more since his words failed him long ago. It was obvious when Allen was about to reach his limit when his thighs started to tremble and his moaning grew louder and more frequent. When Allen finally came he moaned a strange form of Kanda's name his muscles tightening around Kanda's fingers temporarily. Once Allen relaxed Kanda gently pulled his fingers out of him. As Allen worked to recover any fragment of his mind Kanda removed his pants so he was completely naked like Allen so he could start to coat his throbbing member with the lotion. Once his member was coated Kanda leaned over Allen who looked up at him with partly closed eyes still panting but not as heavily.

"Are you sure about this Moyashi...? We can wait if you aren't ready..."

"If it's with you I'm ready Kanda..." Allen reached up gently cupping Kanda's cheeks pulling him down into a kiss. As they kissed Kanda gently bent Allen's legs a little more stroking his thighs, hips and sides as he carefully started to push into Allen. Gripping Kanda's shoulders Allen closed his eyes focusing on the tender kiss to help him relax. There wasn't really any pain or even a whole lot of discomfort but it was his natural instinct to. When he tensed up Kanda stopped moving till he relaxed again. It was different to have a patient gentle lover instead of a rough forceful one. Kanda stopped once he was all the way inside Allen not moving till Allen showed he had adjusted and was ready to continue by moving his hips a little.

At first the pace was slow and gentle as Kanda didn't want to hurt Allen. It took a few tries before Kanda had found Allen's sweet spot again and it took some time for them to fall into sync sense Allen sort of in a willing sense was still a virgin. Over time the pace picked up in speed Kanda hitting Allen's sweet spot as often as possible, Allen rocking his hips to match each thrust. Both moaning and panting clinging to each other too afraid to let the other go. Allen pressed his legs against Kanda's sides trembling as he was reaching his limit yet again. One more powerful thrust hitting his sweet spot sent Allen over the edge calling out Kanda's name in pure bliss. A few more trusted into Allen's heat that was hugging his member allowed Kanda to release deep inside of Allen who moaned softly when he did.

After slowly pulling out Kanda collapsed on top of Allen causing his Moyashi to giggle as Kanda's hair which had fallen free some time ago covered Allen's face some. Brushing Kanda's hair out of his face Allen watched as Kanda propped himself up on his elbows looking down at Allen his long hair messily cascading down around them.

"What are you giggling about Moyashi?" Kanda asked with a hint of a smile since Allen was smiling up at him all lovingly and radiating with bliss. How could Kanda not fall more in love with his precious Moyashi seeing that expression.

"Oh nothing my sweet samurai~." Allen said his loving smile only growing. "I love you."

"Love you too. Now get some sleep okay?" Kanda moved to lay down beside Allen.

"I need to take my medication..." Allen reminded Kanda.

"Okay... Wait here." Kanda climbed out of bed heading for the bathroom making Allen giggle more. Why the sight of Kanda walking around naked without a care made him giggle Allen didn't know. Sitting up in bed Allen fixed the blankets so they could cover up when they went to sleep. Kanda returned with Allen's sleeping pills and some water handing them to Allen before climbing into bed with him. After Allen took his medication Kanda put the bottle and glass on the end table before making Allen lay down. Allen laid down on his side facing Kanda as Kanda wrapped his arms around Allen protectively allowing Allen to shift so his head rested on Kanda's strong chest along with his hand over Kanda's heart.

"Good night Kanda." Allen said softly as he kissed Kanda's chest a little.

"Yu." That confused Allen making him turn his face up towards Kanda who lay eyes closed looking rather peaceful.

"What?"

"Call me Yu. Only you can call me that since you're my Moyashi." Kanda clarified for Allen.

"Will you call me Allen?" Slowly Kanda opened one eye slightly to look at Allen.

"Only when I have to. Which won't be often." That caused Allen to pout a little.

"Fine. Well goodnight Yu." Allen smiled as he rested his head on Kanda's chest again.

"Good night...Allen." Allen's smile grew hearing Kanda say his name in a sleepy sexy light Japanese accent. Allen had never heard Kanda's accent before... He would have to ask about all that in the morning if he remembered.


	16. Accent

**AN: okay to guest who posted a review saying I was wrong, you might have read the updated and corrected chapter mentioning who was Allen's publisher. I originally had written Komui as his publisher then later had Komui as his doctor and they had never met. A fan/reviewer pointed this error out and so I corrected it. **

**Speaking of fans and reviewers I would like to thank you all for following the story and reviewing. And for pointing out my errors so I could correct them. It has really helped me and encouraged me to keep writing. I TRULY am sorry for the delay there was so much going on. Like school, crappy internet connection, a laptop almost as old as I am (don't ask how old I am), and lots of personal issues... geez this is a long AN... on with the story! **

The night was spent peacefully with the two lovers comfortable in their embrace. Allen was first to wake but he didn't move too much since he didn't want to disturb his sleeping samurai who looked so handsome as he slept soundly with his long hair all fanned out on the pillow and his expression relaxed. Though it seemed his lover could sense him watching him because Kanda slowly opened his eyes a little to look down at Allen who had his chin resting on his hand which rested on Kanda's chest as he had watched Kanda sleep.

"Hey Moyashi..." Kanda greeted still pretty much asleep. His sleepy voice was so sexy... which reminded Allen of what he had thought about before falling asleep last night.

"Good morning Yu" Allen greeted with a smile.

"How long were you watching me sleep?" Kanda rubbed one of his eyes fighting a yawn but lost that fight.

"Only for a few minutes. Sorry. You looked to handsome as you slept. I didn't mean to wake you up..." Allen said softly as Kanda stretched careful not to disturb his Moyashi who looked content in his position on Kanda's chest watching him.

"Its fine. I can't sleep all morning. How'd you sleep?" Kanda rested his hand on Allen's bare back as the blanket had shifted in their sleep so it really only covered their lower halves.

"Really good thanks to you." Allen smiled brightly. How could he be so happy and full of energy so early in the morning?

"Clearly I didn't wear you out enough... you're so happy and energetic for so early the morning given last night's activities." Kanda heard Allen giggle again. His giggle was so cute and it made Kanda happy to hear it since it wasn't forced or faked. It was an honest, truly happy laugh. And he was the one who made Allen do it.

"Speaking of last night you had a light accent last night I found really hot and even now. Does your accent only come through when you are tired?" Kanda blinked at Allen. He had an accent? He hadn't noticed...He sounded normal to himself...didn't he?

"I don't know... I don't really talk in the mornings... or whenever I'm tired. But I _**can**_ manipulate my accent so I can speak Japanese properly." Kanda shrugged a little having never really thought about how he spoke.

"Well I like your accent" Allen said with a happy content smile. "You're originally from Japan right?"

"Yeah I was raised in an orphanage there until I was nine years old. The old man happened to be visiting the orphanage to check up on some other kid and found me there. I was pretty quiet and when I did talk I wasn't exactly polite..."

"So just like you are now~" Allen teased earning a gentle tap to his backside which made him squeak in amusement.

"You want to hear this story or not?"

"Yes love. Continue. No more interruptions I swear~" Allen said as he settled in to hear what Kanda had to say.

"The old man was stubborn. He was so sure I was rude only as a front to push people away." Which in hindering sight was the truth but Kanda wouldn't admit that. "He kept coming back every day to talk to me even though every day I told him to not bother coming back. Why he took a liking to me I don't know... In the end he adopted me and brought me here. He taught me English which really didn't take me too long since I was so young at the time. Eventually I started school at a high class school and really took to drama...somehow... but I had to learn to control my accent so people could understand the lines I was reading. It didn't take long for some talent scout who often visited the academy to find me and take interest. So I started acting at 11 when I had mastered hiding my accent and was better at remembering my lines."

"So you learned to manipulate your accent so you could act?" Allen asked to make sure he understood what Kanda had told him.

"Well mainly so people could understand me in general. Some people used to make fun of my accent...so I beat the shit out of them. They quickly learned I wasn't to be messed with."

"I'll bet they learned fast. I'll bet that table at Tiedolls office learned. Not to sit where it was real fast." Allen recalled the table Kanda had stomped to death when he had lost his temper. Kanda's hand that had been dancing along Allen's back stopped which neither of them had realized it had been moving in the first place.

"Yeah... anyway... Aren't you British? What about your accent?" Kanda wanted to change the subject as fast as possible.

"Yes I'm British. Born and raised on London's streets till I was around four. Mana found me and took me in till he died. Then I moved into Cross' care. I at first was very unpleasant simply because I didn't want to get close to anyone in fear of being abandoned again. But Mana broke that mask and raised me to be the polite Englishman I was meant to be. I had my accent up until a few years ago... When Tyki told me how my accent turned him on so badly that he couldn't help but... yeah... Let's not go there. When I hid my accent he stopped forcing me to do..._**that**_... as much. Which was nice... my throat would hurt so bad after I couldn't even speak..." Allen sighed closing his eyes not really liking the trip down memory lane. He relaxed as Kanda started to rub his back again gently.

"So we both had our reasons for hiding our accents...anyway..." Kanda started to sit up which made Allen slide off of him plopping onto his side before rolling onto his back watching Kanda curious. "I'm hungry. I'll go make us some breakfast. Stay in bed." Kanda ordered gently as he climbed out of bed pulling on his boxes and pants heading out to the kitchen. Some time later Kanda returned with fresh food for the both of them. They sat in bed Allen leaning against Kanda's chest wrapped up in Kanda's embrace as they ate occasionally feeding each other even though they had the same food. They talked about nothing in particular, Allen laughed a lot and Kanda smiled softly every time he heard that beautiful sound. They were in their own perfect little world completely unaware of the challenges that lay in their near future.

**AN: I was hoping to publish more chapters today but technically today ended about 24 minutes ago for me and I need sleep my eyes agree burning. I will publish maybe one more chapter before I post the start of a new one for my friend. Then I will work on publishing one chapter per story each week. Night night~ please review and my Allen-boo will love you~ **


	17. Shock

**AN: it is so hard to come up with chapter names before the chapter is even written! ;~; and kindle I will kill you if you don't stop putting in the word you THINK I want to use. Anyway as I was saying, when I had a working (sort of working) laptop, I would type out a few chapters then copy and paste the bits and come up with I name. But now I have to type each chapter up individually on ff on my kindle which really kinda sucks. **

**Also... I read some other stories...and I am so deeply ashamed of my crappy lemon... I AM SO SORRY! I am terrible at writing truly. I just hide that with good ideas. But for now we'll just say it's cause it was their first time having sex together and it was Allen's first time willingly having sex. Yes I am making up excuses for my lack of skill I'm so sorry ;~; **

Around noon Allen and Kanda were sitting all snuggled up on the couch watching a movie. Allen was leaning against Kanda's chest his head on Kanda's shoulder and his feet were resting on the couch pulled close to his side. Kanda sat with his legs stretched out ankles crossed and one arm around Allen. They now were freshly showered and wearing day clothes.

As they sat and watched the movie there was a knock on the door that made Allen jump a little. After Kanda paused the movie, even though Allen had seen it a millions times already, Allen got up to answer the door. To Allen's surprise it was Tiedoll at the door and he looked none too happy.

"Is Yu here?" Tiedoll demanded a little bitterly.

"Um...Yes he's here... he's in the living room." Allen stepped out of the way so Tiedoll could enter the apartment. He watched Allen as he walked past making his way to the living room.

"Why haven't you been answering me?" Tiedoll looked about ready to cry when he saw Kanda so relaxed on the couch. Kanda sighed rolling his eyes at his over protective father. Seeing Kanda just roll his eyes when Tiedoll had been worried sick all night really upset Tiedoll. Did Kanda not care for his feelings at all? Tears filled his eyes without thinking Tiedoll raised his hand to slap Kanda. Both Tiedoll and Kanda closed their eyes when Tiedoll swung his hand. There was a loud slap sound, Tiedolls hand stung but Kanda felt nothing. Slowly both opened their eyes, both equally surprised to see that Allen had taken the hit for Kanda.

"Moyashi!" Kanda jumped to his feet when he had recovered from the shock of his foster father actually raising his to him and also the shock of Allen taking the hit for him. Why would someone take the hit for someone else? Allen stood in front of Tiedoll his expression pained but very determined, all Tiedoll could do as he started wide eyed at Allen. Allen was used to getting hit, pain was nothing new to him. "Moyashi why would you do that!? Why!? Are you stupid!? After all that has happened to you why would you take a hit that wasn't even meant for you!?" Kanda's voice cracked as he held Allen tightly from the side his hands pressed to the side of Allen's head as Kanda buried his face in the other side of Allen's hair. It hurt him to think Allen got hurt to protect him. Allen wasn't supposed to protect _**him. He **_was supposed to protect _**Allen. **_ It was just so painful to think Allen had intentionally took the hit, was it because Allen was so used to being hit, because he was so used to pain he didn't even think about it? That was what also really upset Kanda leading to him holding Allen close crying silently into Allen's soft white hair.

"Allen..." Tears slowly rolled down Tiedoll's cheeks. He clearly had hurt Allen, his cheek was already starting to swell and he looked pretty upset, and he had hurt his son, who was crying, crying for Allen. Tiedoll had never seen his son cry before. And it wasn't even for himself. It was for the one he clearly loved with all his heart. "I'm sorry... I was just so worried about Yu... and was hurt when he didn't seem to care..."

"You're apologizing to the wrong person." Allen said cooley, his expression still determined. "It wasn't me you were aiming for. I know the pain of being hit and I wanted to save him from that. I won't ever let you raise a hand against him." Tiedoll stared at Allen in shock again. Allen was right though, he had tried to hit Kanda so he should apologize to Kanda too.

"Allen... I'm sorry for not trusting you... clearly Yu is safe with you... I can see how much you love him and that love will keep him safe... And son... I'm sorry for having raised a hand to you." Tiedoll spoke soft his expression sad as he looked to Kanda who hadn't moved at all. Kanda opted to stay silent because he was still upset for his Moyashi who didn't seem bothered by the strike and was too pissed at Tiedoll for hitting his Moyashi.

"Before, I wasn't going to let you and my son be together... it'll take some time but, I'll warm up to the idea of you two dating. Allen... you seemed to have improved a lot... that's really good. But I no longer can be your therapist since its a conflict of interest... I will try to find you a new one."

"Thank you. I understand your position in all this and respect you for being so understanding and willingness to try and accept mine and Yu's relationship. We love each other very much and Yu is the reason. I have improved so much." Allen said politely as he gently rested his hand on Kanda's arm that was pressed to his chest. "And I'm sorry, it's my fault Yu didn't answer you last night... I asked him to stay the night..."

"I also was calling him today..." Tiedoll pointed out.

"Well that... I know nothing of." Allen shrugged as best he could with his love still attached to him.

"So you asked him to stay the night? Did you two...?" Tiedoll trailed off getting his answer when Allen blushed looking down to hide his blush "I see... well... that's good...I think...? Good that someone showed you what love is supposed to be like that is..."

"Yeah... I understand what you mean..." Well this wasn't awkward at all standing around with your boyfriend attached to you while you basically tell your boyfriends dad you two had had sex last night.

After a while Kanda finally came back from where ever his thoughts had had him and the three sat on the couch in an awkward silence.

"I want to move in with Moyashi." The statement shocked Tiedoll but strangely not Allen even though they had never talked about it and had only recently become official. Allen liked the idea of Kanda living with him.

"Well I was actually planning on moving Yu." Allen spoke up before Tiedoll could speak. "I want to buy a nice house since eventually I plan on getting married and having a family...maybe... Also I have a piano so I need a place where I can actually have it."

"Really? Where are you hiding this piano?" Kanda asked looking around.

"At Cross'." Allen said as if that should have been common sense.

"Okay but you aren't against me wanting to move in with you?"

"Why would I be against the idea of you moving in with me? I actually like the idea a lot." Allen smiled over at Kanda lovingly which made Kanda lean over kissing him gently.

"Don't you think it's a little soon for you two to move in with each other? You haven't known each other for very long..." Tiedoll finally voiced his opinion on the matter.

"But we love each other and understand each other. Besides I don't see us ever breaking up, do you Moyashi?" Kanda looked from Tiedoll to Allen.

"Nope. Never." Allen agreed with Kanda, a loving smile on his lips.

"Can't...Can't you think it over for a few days first please?" Allen and Kanda stared at him before they agreed to think it over even though they already knew they were going to move in together but they didn't want to freak Tiedoll out too much in one day.


	18. AN 2

**AN: this is not a this is for clarification. This is sullen. Meaning Kanda x Allen. I DID put warnings before rape scenes and the original 1st chapter could have possibly warned of rape later in the story but I lost that. I'm sorry if that upsets you but there isn't enough room in the summery to put a warning in and what I already have. And I'm not going to put Tyki x Allen because it's NOT Tyki x Allen. That signals it is a pairing and they are NOT a couple. It would only confuse people I think. Anyways thank you readers for your follows and reviews.**


	19. moving

**AN: don't own d. Gray man... yeah that's all I got to say. Oh there is lemon in this chapter. **

**So I'm going to try and update at least once a month from now on. Sorry but it really sucks to type on my kindle.**

One afternoon Allen was packing up his apartment. He hadn't seen Kanda in almost two months as Kanda had started filming for the movie based on Allen's book. Which Kanda was glad that Tyki had yet to show up to film his parts in the movie since it was a small part. Packing kept Allen busy while Kanda was away. Having been so focused on packing his clothes in his room that he hadn't heard his front door open. And if he HAD heard it it was most likely Cross.

A gasp of surprise escaped Allen when arms wrapped around him from behind as a kiss was planted on his neck. Okay so it WASN'T Cross who had entered his apartment. Looking over his shoulder Allen smiled at his lover before he was kissed on the lips.

"Mm... hi to you too love." Allen greeted his lovely samurai who was too busy kissing his neck to reply. A soft moan escaped Allen's lips as he closed his eyes tilting his head to the side exposing more of his neck for his lover who quickly started leaving marks all over his neck. "A-ah Yu..." Allen gasped when Kanda slipped his hand down in the front of Allen's pants gently gripping his member. As Allen gasped Kanda's free hand trailed from Allen's neck up to slip two fingers into Allen's open mouth letting out a low groan when Allen started sucking on his fingers. While sucking and licking Kanda's fingers Allen moaned rocking his hips a little as Kanda stroked his member. A soft whimper left Allen when Kanda reclaimed his fingers from Allen's mouth only to press his index finger to Allen's entrance. Allen was panting in anticipation knowing the pleasure his lover could bring him. Allen wiggled under Kanda a little trying to remove his pants so Kanda could have better access. But since he couldn't really wiggle out of his pants Kanda decided to help Allen out pulling off his pants and boxers exposing Allen's lower body. Shivers shot up Allen's spine as air caressed his hard member. It was so easy for Kanda get Allen so excited that he was slowly leaking precum.

Since there was a little pause in their foreplay Kanda took the chance to find some lube leaving Allen to remove his shirt. Kanda knew how much Allen hated making love with any form of clothing on as it would remind Allen of how Tyki would rape him. Once he found the lube Kanda returned to Allen who was quick to start stripping Kanda. Since it would prevent them from having to pause later Kanda help Allen undress him. After Kanda day was stripped bare Kanda used the lube to coat his fingers. Lube was much better to use than saliva.

An almost needy moan escaped Allen as Kanda slowly and gently pushed his first slick finger inside finding Allen's pleasure point making Allen let out a low groan of pleasure gripping the sheets. Kanda was always so gentle and always made sure Allen felt as much pleasure as possible. Allen trusted Kanda knowing he would do his very best to not hurt him. Kanda always made Allen feel so special and very loved which was a very nice feeling.

"A-ah! Y-Yu!" Allen cried out in pleasure as Kanda applied quite a bit of pressure to his sweet spot with two fingers. When had he added a second finger? Allen couldn't finger that out as he was being overwhelmed with pleasure as Kanda took his member into his hot wet mouth as he worked on stretching Allen making sure to keep hitting his sweet spot. Allen was a moaning panting meets incapable of form a coherent thought or sentence as he tried to warn his lover of his very fast approaching climax. Kanda could easily tell that Allen was reaching his limit as his legs were trembling, toes were curled, fingers gripped the bedding tightly, one hand gently gripped Kanda's hair messing the ponytail up, and his moans grew louder and more frequent. Allen cried out in pleasure as he released in Kanda's mouth. Swallowing around Allen's member Kanda sucked Allen's member clean as he pulled off.

As Allen recovered from his little trip to heaven Kanda started to coat his aching throbbing member with lube. While Kanda did that Allen slowly sat up still panting softly. He wanted to try something assuming Kanda wouldn't have a problem with him making a request he spoke softly as he blushed bright red as he had never made a request when it came to sex. He never used to have the right to make requests.

"Yu... can we try a different position...?" Allen question and soft voice made Kanda look at him.

"Of course Moyashi. What did you have in mind?" Kanda wouldn't deny Allen what he wanted even whether it was intimately related or not.

"I...I don't know... I only know two... but I assume there's more than that..." Allen's blush increased as the volume of his voice decreased.

"There are plenty of positions Moyashi. I have an idea." Kanda moved so his back was against the wall as Allen's bed didn't have a headboard luckily. Beckoning Allen over Kanda helped Allen to straddle Kanda his knees at Kanda's hips sort of. Kanda bent his legs to support Allen as his hands rested on Allen's slender hips. Carefully Kanda slowly eased Allen down onto his member. It was easier to accidentally get hurt this way and Kanda was not up to going to the hospital with a broken manhood. Allen's head was bowed as he gripped Kanda's shoulders adjusting to Kanda's length inside of him. Soon Allen was shifting a little wanting to start moving or something as he wanted more than the gentle pleasure he received when being filled by Kanda's hard hot member.

Keeping his hands on Allen's hips Kanda slowly started to guide Allen along his member soon letting Allen take over. Allen gently rocked his hips as he moved slowly along Kanda's member panting softly moaning quietly each time he brushed against his sweet spot. Kanda started to gently thrust up into Allen every time Allen would go down on Kanda making Allen gasp moaning louder. Wrapping his arms around Kanda's neck Allen held Kanda close as he moved a little faster pulling up so just the tip remained before going down so Kanda was as deep inside of him as possible shooting pleasure up his spine every time Kanda thrust up into his sweet spot. Allen grabbed Kanda's ponytail gently pulling on it as he threw his head back as their pace increased. Taking the opening of Allen's exposed neck Kanda nipped and sucked on Allen's neck leaving love marks making Allen moan more.

"Y-Yu... I... I can't..." Allen whined softly in pleasure his trembling legs barely able to support him anymore as pleasure completely washed over him leaving him weak. Kanda easily kept up the pace with his hands on Allen's hips as he thrust into Allen. The only reason Allen could keep moving was because of the support Kanda's hands gave him helping him rock his hips. "Y-ah!" Allen cried out in pleasure pulling on Kanda's ponytail at a rather particularly hard thrust hit his sweet spot making him tense up as he released on his and Kanda's torsos. Kanda only got a few more thrusts in before he released deep inside Allen's clenching heat groaning Allen's name as he rode out his pleasure buried deep inside Allen. A soft moan escaped Allen as he felt Kanda fill him to the brim with his hot sticky fluid. It was a strange yet pleasant feeling. They stayed intimately connected holding each other close for a while before Kanda lifted Allen who still felt like jelly off of his lap helping him to the shower where they washed each other up and stood under the hot water for a while in a gentle embrace Allen resting his head on Kanda's chest listening to Kanda's heart beat.

After their shower they got dressed Allen sat on the bed in some plain pajamas as Kanda stood in front of Allen drying his hair for him. Once they were fully dressed and dried Kanda pulled his hair back into a bun before he helped Allen pack up stuff. Allen had used a part of his saved money to buy a house towards the edge of town. To be honest even though it was a nice house and somewhat expensive the price didn't really even leave a dent in Allen's saving as Allen was very practical with his money he earned from writing.

They took a break later in the day to eat some pizza for dinner and cuddle on the couch. They couldn't watch anything as Allen's movies and DVD player were packed and Allen's tv was unhooked and in a corner. Allen had more books and dishes than he had of anything else. His office was filled to the ceiling with books on bookshelves, that literally were from floor to ceiling. Luckily Allen's New place had a nicer office than the one he had in this apartment. Of course it was Kanda's house too but Kanda wasn't moving in just yet. The only reason Allen was moving at that time was because his lease on the apartment was up soon. Otherwise he would have waited till Kanda could move in with him.

When they were done digesting their food they went back to packing till late at night. Allen's apartment seemed so bare as everything was packed away in boxes not including a few of Allen's clothes, the couch, bed and dresser oh and the tv. Kanda convinced Allen to stay with him at Tiedolls place as Kanda didn't want Allen to sleep alone but he couldn't stay at Allen's. He had to go home since he was only in town till tomorrow night and Tiedoll wanted to see Kanda before he left town to go back to work. Allen was so very grateful that Tiedoll seemed truly okay with Allen staying the night especially after Kanda explained why he wanted Allen to stay the night. However in the end Tiedoll made one sleep on the couch in the living room and the bigger in Kanda's room. Kanda begrudgingly agreed to the condition making Allen sleep in his room as Kanda would take the couch.

When it came time to go to sleep Allen and Kanda kissed good night. Which the kiss didn't last too long as Tiedoll cleared his throat to signal that they had kissed long enough. Way to make them feel like young teenagers. Allen hugged Kanda before he went upstairs to Kanda's room to go to bed. Allen was sound asleep a little over an hour later before he was startled awake when he felt someone climb into bed with him wrapping their arms around him. Allen looked over shoulder at Kanda. He didn't really need to look to know that it was Kanda.

"Yu...? What are you doing?" Allen whispered softly as he looked to Kanda.

"Tiedoll went to sleep right after we did. He won't notice. Go back to sleep Moyashi." Kanda whispered with his eyes closed as he held Allen close nuzzling Allen's soft white hair that Allen had let grow out a good bit. Allen smiled as he relaxed falling back asleep. Kanda soon fell asleep with Allen. Despite what Kanda though Tiedoll knew that Kanda had snuck into his room to lay with Allen. But he had to accept that they were adults and in a committed relationship so he couldn't really keep them apart so he left them be.


	20. Authors note

**AN: This is just an authors note. Sorry to disappoint. But I bring good news. Well depends on how you look at it. I will soon be updating the story. But thats only because I FINALLY how I will end it. Warning there will be character death at some point. Sorryfor dropping this story for so long but ive lost my love for yullen so I havent had the will or passion to continue writing my samurai.**


	21. Breakfast with Kanda's family

**AN: I am SO sorry about the wait. I was going to update a few months ago but lost the work I had for it and lost my muse as well but it seems to be coming back. Thank you everyone for sticking with the story and being so patient. Though one thing I must say is that i will NEVER adopt out my stories. They are my stories so I am sorry but you will have to accept that I will not always update often. I have waited three years for a new chapter of a story before on here. OH also dont forget to read the new chapter of DGM that Hoshino published! She owns the real story of course. **

In the morning Allen was in the kitchen with Tiedoll making breakfast for everyone. They were actually getting along as they talked outside of being a therapist and a patient. Tiedoll was starting to really warm up to Kanda and Allen dating since Allen seemed to be doing a lot better now which was good. The elder man was sure that part of the reason Allen was doing so much better was partly thanks to Kanda. Tiedoll would have to remember to thank Cross for introducing the two. It was really heart warming to see how much Allen and Kanda loved each other. Anyone could see it when they looked at each other how much love was shared between the author and actor.

Kanda at some point came downstairs his hair a mess from sleep. The sleepy actor looked a lot like a zombie it was rather amusing. Allen had learned recently that Kanda was so not a morning person which actually surprised Allen a little. Given how disciplined Kanda was one would think he wasn't ever in such a zombie like state. The zombie actor actually stopped and stared at Allen and Tiedoll too tired to really process that his foster father and boyfriend were actually getting along. His expression the entire time was rather dull. Allen couldn't help but giggle a little at Kanda's state, it really was too amusing for him. Tiedoll who was all too used to Kanda's sleepy state didn't quite understand what Allen found so amusing but didn't question it. A squeak of embarrassment and surprise escaped Allen as Kanda walked over to him wrapping his arms around Allen as he leaned against the white haired youth for support before one hand trailed down to Allen's backside. Never had Allen's face been so red and hot from embarrassment.

"Kanda! Your dad is in the room!" Allen squeaked in protest at the groping going on in front of Tiedoll who seemed to 'not notice' as he continued to cook the breakfast. A groan escaped Kanda as he let Allen go trudging over to the coffee pot pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee. The author made a face when he watched Kanda drink straight up black coffee. Coffee was far too bitter in Allen's opinion to be drinking without lots and lots of creamer. There were all sorts of flavored creamer Allen liked to add to his coffee. Around Christmas time was when he could find one of his most favorite ones which was white raspberry flavored. Any chocolate ones were good too in Allen's opinion, really anything sweet would work for him. Kanda one time had commented about Allen's sweet tooth mentioning he was surprised Allen didn't have cavities or at least fillings. Kanda's tongue had done enough exploring of Allen's mouth to know Allen had no fillings of his teeth, the fillings always had a different texture than real teeth though they were pretty similar. Allen never had cavities because he took care of his teeth and visited the dentist often as he was told to do. Teeth were important, if Allen didn't care for his teeth he wouldn't be able to have sweets. Yes sweets were a priority for the author. Allen could never survive without sweets, it was impossible. Kanda complained of Allen's sweet tooth because it left Allen's mouth tasting sweet and the actor hated sweet things but accepted the sweetness of Allen because it was his Moyashi.

"Breakfast will be ready shortly Yu. Would you mind getting Marie?" Tiedoll asked looking to Kanda who was in the middle of pouring himself another cup of coffee. The response was rather incomprehensible but Tiedoll knew Kanda was agreeing to when Kanda started making his way to Marie's room coffee cup in hand.

"Its amazing how zombie like he is." Allen said giggling once more as he started to take plates out of the cupboard to set the table with. As Allen was setting the table and Tiedoll was dishing out the food someone walked into the house confusing Allen.

"Daisya is that you?" Tiedoll called from the kitchen setting the dirty pans into the sink filled with hot soapy water for them to soak in as they ate.

"Yep its me old man. What's happening?" Daisya called walking into the kitchen looking to Tiedoll before his eyes fell onto Allen. "What you get a new foster kid?" A groan escaped Daisya when he was suddenly hit on the back of the head.

"Don't be an ass Daisya or I'll kick your ass out. Give the old man a proper greeting after being gone so long." Kanda ordered glaring at Daisya who was rubbing the back of his head whining about how Kanda was always way too violent.

"How was I being an ass? I was asking an honest question Mr. 'I got a stick shoved so far up my ass no one can be happy around me'." Daisya retorted looking to Kanda as the other was drinking his coffee. Allen couldn't help but stare at the two adopted brothers as they interacted. He wondered if Kanda was like that because he had just woken up or if they were always like that. But seeing how Daisya spoke to Kanda, Allen was sure they were always like that. Tiedoll managed to get the two to not start a fight and instead sit down and eat. Kanda and Allen sat on one side of the table, Daisya and Maria on the other as Tiedoll sat at the head of the table.

Daisya was in shock to say the least when he heard that Allen and Kanda were dating. He was in so much shock he was truly speechless at first which Kanda was grateful for. But once Daisya recovered and was sure this wasn't a joke. He started to ask a million questions which Allen kindly answered since Kanda refused to do so.

"Imagine that. Yu found someone who can actually tolerate him long enough to date him for more than a week." Daisya said when he was finally done asking his questions.

"Kanda is a very good man even though he tries to hide it. He saved my life really. I care a great deal for Kanda. I will never love another like I love him. I know that for a fact. He is every thing to me. Kanda gave me my life and my freedom back. He is my everything, my hopes, my dreams, my reason for waking up every day, my reason for smiling, truly smiling. Kanda is my one and only. I think to be quite honest that we are bound together by the red string of fate." Allen stated with a sweet smile before looking to Kanda who was staring at him. Suddenly Kanda stood up making Allen think he had said something wrong. Without saying anything Kanda made his way upstairs to his room. The confused and rather concerned author looked to Tiedoll. Tiedoll simply stared back at Allen just as lost as him. After a minute Kanda came back to the table sitting beside Allen once more but was turned in his seat facing Allen.

"Before I went to your apartment yesterday, I went to see Cross first. I had to ask him something since he is basically your father." Kanda started as he took Allen's hand closest to him which happened to be Allen's left hand. Allen looked to his hand before looking to Kanda wide eyed as he was processing what Kanda was saying and where this was going. "I am a rather traditional man so I had to ask Cross first and he gave me his blessing. I was going to wait a bit since I knew you cared for me but I didn't fully understand how much till now. Allen Walker, my Moyashi... will you marry me?" Kanda asked showing Allen the open ring box he had just retrieved from his room. The ring was a simple gold band with an engraving of 'My Moyashi' on the inside, in Allen's opinion it was the most beautiful ring he had ever seen. Suddenly Allen felt very light headed. Before anyone realized it Allen was out cold on the floor. Everyone stared down at Allen rather surprised. Three of the people were worried if Allen was okay since he hit the ground rather hard.

"So...is that a no?" Daisya asked the main question on his mind making everyone stare at him groaning a little at his priorities. Kanda picked Allen up off the floor carrying him upstairs to his room carefully setting him on his bed to let him recover from the shock. Sitting on the edge of the bed Kanda watched Allen rest. He knew they hadn't been dating for very long but like Allen, Kanda knew that he didn't want anyone else but Allen. He too felt they were bound by the red string of fate. In truth Kanda never used to believe in that red string of fate crap until he fell in love with Allen. And since they both found the one there was no real need to wait. There was no question that marriage was the right thing for them to do. Though now Kanda was starting to wonder if it was a little too soon given Allen's reaction. Well Allen seemed rather happy and excited up until the point he passed out. Maybe he was too happy and that was why he passed out... hard to say. Kanda just had to wait till Allen woke up to talk about it and see what Allen thought about them taking the next step.

**AN: Wow... went on a mini rant about teeth...sorry about that... also the proposal... unplanned until Allen said that stuff about how much he loves Kanda... They have taken over... I have no control over these stories anymore.**

**PS: added a poll to my profile. Please place a vote so I can see which ending to go with.**


	22. Engagement

**AN: Okay new chapter. So the poll is still up. I only have one vote. I really can't decide between the endings. And I'm thinking of adding a third option. I think I will tell you guys what the options are. Option one, tyki dies somehow. Option two, allen and kanda die. And possible option three, all three die. So the poll will help me. So please vote. You can get to the poll through my profile page.**

When Allen woke up he was staring at the ceiling of Kanda's room. It took Allen a minute to remember what exactly had happened. Allen's face turned bright red when he recalled what happened. Gasping Allen covered his face with his hands trying to hide. A chuckle made Allen peek out through his fingers at Kanda who was sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over Allen. Allen quickly hid again when he saw Kanda.

"So Moyashi... care to answer my question?" Kanda asked now leaning fully over Allen. Allen could feel some of Kanda's long hair brushing against his arms. Slowly Allen removed his hands from his face looking up at Kanda. Reaching up Allen flicked Kanda's forehead gently confusing Kanda.

"Baka samurai. Need I really answer that? What fool wouldn't marry a man like you? You are loyal, caring and you make me feel so safe and loved. There is no man better than you." Allen said smiling at Kanda. Leaning down Kanda pressed his lips against Allen's. Breaking the kiss Kanda took Allen's left hand making Allen flinch. Kanda didn't let Allen's hand go instead he brought the scarred gloved hand to his lips before pulling the glove off. taking the ring Kanda slipped it on to Allen's ring finger kissing Allen's hand again. It still made Allen uncomfortable for Kanda to touch his scarred arm.

"Moyashi...I love you scars and all." Kanda said as he laced their fingers together gently pinning Allen's hand to the bed as he claimed Allen's lips again. Soon the kiss went from tender to rather passionate. When Kanda's free hand slipped under Allen's shirt Allen broke the kiss panting softly.

"Y-Yu... Your family is downstairs..." Allen whispered trying to push Kanda off of him not wanting to get carried away with his family downstairs.

"So what? Everyone in this house is an adult. They are all used to such things." Kanda replied as he started to kiss Allen's neck, his hand was still under Allen's shirt teasing Allen's nipple making Allen moan softly. "If you don't want them to find out then you better keep down~. As far as they know you're still passed out~." Kanda whispered in Allen's ear before licking the shell of it making him shiver. When Kanda's hand trailed from Allen's chest down into Allen's pants Allen gasped quickly covering his mouth with his hand to keep quiet as Kanda was massaging Allen's member. Letting Allen's hand go Kanda sat up pulling off Allen's pants and underwear off.

"Yu!" Allen protested in a whisper as Kanda worked on stripping him bare. However Kanda silenced Allen's protests by claiming Allen's lips his tongue invading the others mouth. As they kissed Kanda's hands roamed all over Allen's body before abandoning their exploration to dig through the drawer of his night stand producing a small bottle of lube. Allen raised an eyebrow at the bottle Kanda had in his hands.

"What? Even I sometimes have to pleasure myself." Kanda said as he poured some of the lube into his hand dropping the bottle off the bed. Allen was a little distracted by the thought of Kanda masturbating until he felt one of Kanda's fingers push inside of him slowly making the younger lover gasp and moan softly. "What are you thinking about Moyashi~?" Kanda asked with a smirk having a pretty good idea what was on Allen's mind.

"Need I answer...that...?" Allen replied between moans. That earned him a chuckle from the man above him who was looking down at Allen's entrance watching his finger move in and out of Allen as if completely fascinated by the sight.

"Maybe another time I'll give you a show~. If you give me one too~." Kanda offered as he added a second finger when Allen was rocking his hips a little. Both the thought of seeing Kanda play with himself and the feeling of Kanda adding a second finger had Allen clamping a hand over his own mouth to muffle a moan as his back arched off the bed a little as Kanda's fingers pressed rather hard against his sweet spot. Kanda had intentionally pressed a little hard against Allen's sweet spot to drive his dear Moyashi a little mad. And it seemed to be working. The sight of Allen trying so hard to stay quiet and him arching off the bed in pleasure was a sight to see.

"Y-Yu... Please..." Allen was reduced to begging after Kanda had added a third finger and seemed to be taking his sweet time torturing Allen denying him what he wanted at this point. Kanda wanted to take Allen so badly but he couldn't help but enjoy the sight of Allen writhing around his bed in pleasure reduced to nothing more than panting and moaning into his hand. When Allen begged for him Kanda couldn't hold back anymore. Removing his fingers from Allen earning a whine of protest at the loss of contact Kanda undressed himself. Once naked Kanda gently pulled Allen closer by the legs making Allen gasp softly. Holding one of Allen's ankles Kanda looked down at Allen.

"Moyashi...want to try another new position?" Kanda asked kissing the top of Allen's foot which was held up near Kanda's head.

"Not this time..." Allen said holding his arms out towards Kanda. Taking the hint Kanda set Allen's leg down leaning over Allen Kanda wrapped his arms around Allen as best he could allowing Allen to wrap his arms around Kanda's neck. As Kanda slowly and carefully entered Allen the younger lover buried his face in Kanda's neck still trying his best to stay as quiet as possible. When he was all the way inside of Allen's tight heat Kanda waited until Allen expressed it was okay to start moving. Rather than go fast and hard Kanda actually went slow and sensual. It still felt rather good to both lovers if not better than going hard and fast. Part of it may have had to do with them just being much more intimate than just seeking pleasure. As Kanda moved in and out of Allen, Allen rolled his hips a little pushing against Kanda whenever Kanda would press into him, Allen also whispered Kanda's name in his ear each time Kanda pushed into him hitting his sweet spot dead on. Over time Kanda took one of Allen's hands lacing their fingers together once again pinning Allen's hand to the bed as they moved together. Something about this time just seemed to be so much more intimate and connected than the times before. Both came at the same time moaning each others name breathlessly.

After catching his breath Kanda slowly pulled out of Allen who was still lost in the after pleasure panting softly. Pulling the blanket up Kanda covered them as he laid beside Allen wrapping his arms around his fiance holding him close. Allen smiled as he rolled to face Kanda their legs tangled together their arms wrapped around each other. Being held like that in Kanda's arms made Allen feel so safe, loved and cherished. He never wanted to leave Kanda's arms, Allen had learned that this was the power of another persons warmth. It was amazing how being held by the person you love most in the world and who loves you as well could make you feel. Closing his eyes Allen slowly fell asleep rather content and happy. Kanda stayed up a little after Allen watching him sleep, Allen seemed so peaceful unlike before when he had had the nightmares. After a while Kanda closed his eyes as well letting sleep take him. Tiedoll and the others still sat at the table talking until they heard the two lovebirds upstairs. Assuming the two were celebrating their engagement, if Allen had rejected Kanda everyone doubted that Kanda and Allen would have sex, the rest of Kanda's family left the house to give them some time alone. So little did Allen and Kanda know, Allen hadn't needed to hold back his moans. Though Kanda should really be more careful of his headboard since that had been what had given them away.

**AN: Sorry I meant to post this a little sooner but things came up this week so I hadn't been able to work on it. But I couldn't sleep so I worked on this instead. Sorry I feel like I am getting worse at writing Yaoi rather than better...**


	23. New AN

**AN: Sorry this isn't a new chapter. It was going to be until I was re-reading through and realized that when I was fixing chapters somehow I lost the part where Allen tries to kill himself. And I cant find the original document on my computer so I have to rewrite it which is annoying and has really pissed me off. So until I find the will to rewrite it without getting pissed no new chapters. Sorry. Just know that i DO have the newest chapter started but I cant work on it or publish it till I fix this cluster fuck. Pardon my language but im extremely mad.**

**Okay so fixed Chapter nine so now I can continue my work on the newest chapter. Sorry about all of that. **


	24. new house

**AN: Sorry this took SOOOO long to update... I just tend to have bad writers block. I started working on this chapter a while ago but was struggling because I'm trying to figure out how to get to the ending. With this though I'm thinking the ending should be coming up soon. I was going to have a lot more going on, like Allen goes to the set with Kanda and runs into Tyki but I'm feeling I don't really want to hurt Allen too much more in this story so I'm saving it for the final big pain in Allen's life. We shall see how it turns out. But for now...lets focus on the happy engagement~~ **

**Only warning for this chapter...Much happiness and much crying from Tiedoll most likely. XD**

"My child is all grown up!" Tiedoll cried out, literally he was crying, as he tried to cling to Kanda as they all sat in the living room. Kanda kept Tiedoll at arms length as he had Allen sitting in his lap on the couch. Poor Allen was blushing bright red looking like he might pass out again. It was only a short time after Allen and Kanda had cleaned up after their celebratory sex earlier and Kanda had told his family that Allen, of course, had said yes to marrying him.

"Old man...back off...You're crowding us..." Kanda hissed wishing Tiedoll didn't always feel the need to be so huggy. Allen didn't seem to mind but Kanda sure did. It was too crowded with both Allen and Tiedoll clinging to him. The actor would much prefer Allen holding him over Tiedoll holding him any time.

"So now you two have to plan the wedding..." Marie said thoughtfully as he sat on the couch across from Kanda and Allen with Daisya and Tiedoll when Tiedoll gave up trying to hug Kanda. Kanda and Allen looked to each other thoughtfully before Allen spoke more to Kanda than to the others.

"I don't know... I don't really want a big wedding or anything... I would be fine just going to the courthouse but I get the feeling Tiedoll wouldn't like that..." Allen said his fingers gently playing with Kanda's hair behind Kanda's back. For Allen it wasn't the wedding itself he was looking forward to but being married to Kanda. That was the most important thing to Allen.

"It's up to you Moyashi. Not him... If you want a small wedding that's fine. You want a big one that's fine too. None is pretty good too. All up to you. No need to really worry about it right this second since we don't even have a date set. Let's worry about moving your stuff into the new house first." Kanda said his hand gently rubbing Allen's leg in a more comforting manner. There was no deadline for the wedding so they didn't have to decide right this second about it. Allen smiled leaning in to kiss Kanda's cheek happily.

"You are so sweet Yu. I love you." Allen giggled a little rather happy at the moment.

"Though... I **_would_** like if you two had a nice wedding. Allen you're an only child and Yu you're my first child to get married... Marie might get married but Daisya has no hope really...Please consider having a real wedding..." Tiedoll said in a kind yet pleading tone. Allen looked Tiedoll than to Kanda.

"If we were to have the big wedding in a church and everything... Would I wear the dress or would we both wear suits?" Allen asked thoughtfully as he was actually considering Tiedoll's request.

"There is no way _**I'm**_ wearing a damned dress. But if you want to that's up to you. Either way I don't care. The most important thing to me is marrying you." Kanda spoke in all honesty. If Allen wanted to crossdress and wear a wedding dress Kanda would be fine with that. Allen is the bride in a sense since he was the bottom in the relationship.

"That's the most important thing to me too. I was just asking... I don't mind having a big wedding if it will make Tiedoll happy... But really the only person I would have to invite is Cross...especially since he is the one who would be walking me down the aisle and giving me away... Do people still do that in a wedding for two guys...?" Allen asked looking to Tiedoll.

"It's your guys' wedding. You can do whatever you want." Tiedoll replied saying that if Allen wanted Cross to walk him down the aisle that was for him to decide and no one had any real say since it was their big day. Now Allen would awkwardly have to ask Cross to walk him down the aisle and give him away at the wedding...

"Oh...not to get off topic but... Yu... I need to be back at the apartment soon...The movers will be there at two..." Allen said checking his phone. They had an hour before the movers were supposed to be there but Allen would prefer to leave now just to be on the safe side. Not that he wanted to get out of talking about the wedding since he was actually enjoying it but he really needed to handle the move first just like Kanda said earlier. He would rather have the house all ready to go before really getting into the stress of planning a wedding.

"Okay Moyashi." Kanda said standing up once Allen was out of his lap. They said their goodbyes to Tiedoll and the others before they left the house. As Kanda drove to Allen's apartment building Allen sat in his seat staring at his engagement ring. It was a simple thin gold band with a small diamond imbedded in it, despite its simplicity Allen loved the ring almost as much as he loved Kanda. Plus side of the fact that the diamond was in the band rather than protruding out, Allen didn't have to worry about it getting snagged in Kanda's hair. They had learned that earlier~. Once at the building Allen pulled his focus from the ring to his surroundings. He climbed out of the car taking Kanda's offered hand making their way to the elevator.

Inside the apartment Allen looked around to double check and make sure everything was packed and labeled so he could unpack easier later. After checking everything Allen sat on the kitchen counter staring at the floor as he waited for the moving company. About a month ago Allen had the flooring in the kitchen replaced so there was no evidence of his attempted suicide anymore which was nice. And the owner of the place appreciated Allen updating the old flooring since the owner was too cheap to do so on his own. Though Allen hadn't bothered to tell the man _**why**_ exactly he had replaced them and that was fine. It wasn't really that man's business.

When the movers came Kanda was nice enough to let them in so they could get to work right away. Allen and Kanda stayed in the kitchen area so they were out of the way but could keep an eye on the workers. Not that they expected the men to steal anything. More like they were worried something would get broken. They luckily didn't have to deal with Allen's piano which Cross had had moved into the house a few days ago. Once everything was packed up into the moving truck Allen turned his keys to the apartment in to the land lord before Kanda took him to the house. He stayed until the men had set all the stuff in the house for Allen to unpack. That was when Kanda had to say goodbye to Allen. Kanda had to get back to work sadly so he kissed Allen goodbye before he left heading straight back to set.

Allen sighed as he looked around at the boxes. There weren't that many which is kind of what upset Allen. So he decided that once he unpacked what he _**did**_ have he would go and buy stuff to fill the house with. Since he didn't have anything else to do Allen got straight to work unpacking everything starting with his office. His office stuff was mostly just his office furniture, he computer and all the books. Which again that was the majority of his stuff. Then he worked on the kitchen unpacking and putting away all of his kitchen items. The kitchen in the house was much nicer and bigger than the one that Allen's old apartment had...so Allen would have to buy more kitchen stuff too. And he needed to buy food as well. He had thrown out all of his food last week and had been just ordering out since then. Which ordering out is what he would have to do for dinner today but that was fine with Allen since he had packing to undo still.

After he ordered some food from a local restaurant Allen worked on getting the living room in as he waited for the food. Luckily he got his tv and dvd player set up before the food even showed up. So as he ate dinner he sat watching a movie that of course had Kanda in it and was texting Kanda from time to time. Kanda was actually in the middle of a night shoot so his replies were slow but it didn't bother Allen any. When Allen was done eating he threw everything away before getting back to work. Since he had so little of stuff He was completely done unpacking by about one in the morning. Kanda was still busy working so he was still occasionally texting Allen. So Allen stayed up working on his latest story, it helped him to stay awake during the times he was waiting for Kanda to reply. By the time about seven am rolled around Kanda was heading for bed so Allen did too. They said their goodnights through text before both fell asleep.

* * *

Later in the day after Allen had taken a shower and got dress he went out shopping for some stuff to fill the house with. It was too big and empty right now that it actually echoed a little in it and a lot in certain rooms that hat nothing. The living room, kitchen, bathroom, office and master bedroom were fine because they had stuff but the two guest rooms, dining room, and finished basement were way too empty and the walls in all the rooms needed stuff. So Allen decided to hit the mall since there were plenty of stores there that sold homegoods items and could deliver, plus there was an easy bus route to the mall. Despite being as old and as accomplished as an author Allen was...he actually couldn't drive... He had never had the chance to learn before now. Which now he was of course considering taking driving lessons.

As Allen shopped around the mall he actually ran into Lenalee and Lavi who were doing some homegoods shopping of their own. Once they found out Allen was there looking for stuff for his house they decided to group up with Allen so they could all help pick stuff out for Allen home and for Lavi and Lenalee's house that they had recently moved into. Of course they noticed Allen's engagement ring when he had pointed at some artwork with his left hand unintentionally so he had to explain that he and Kanda got engaged earlier that day. Lenalee squealed happily and Lavi hugged Allen congratulating him. They hadn't seen Allen's scars Since he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and Komui hadn't told Lenalee obviously so that was one less thing for Allen to stress out about right now. Or was one more thing...because he was a little worried about his sleeve possibly moving up as the day went on. But he seemed to finally have some luck and they never noticed which really was a relief. Lavi and Lenalee gave Allen a ride home more as an excuse to see Allen, and Kanda's, house, and they had dinner with Allen which was take out but they had fun catching up and talking. When it came time to them to leave Allen showed them out and waved goodbye. After they pulled away Allen closed the door and locked it.

Allen went up to the bedroom after he cleaned up from dinner. His phone was sitting on the nightstand from when he had plugged it in to charge after he had gotten home. It had died at the mall from texting Kanda way too much. Now that it was fully charged Allen replied to Kanda before going to bed. Kanda had scolding him for letting his phone die but it was Kanda's fault so he couldn't be **_too_** mad about it. Cross was coming over tomorrow to talk to Allen so the author couldn't stay up all night like he had last night. So he told Kanda goodnight and that he loved him very much. Since Kanda was still working night shoots he replied to Allen telling him goodnight, that he loved him too and to take care of himself. Also that Kanda should be back by the end of the month for a small break. Allen replied some form of gibberish as he was half asleep when he replied since Kanda had taken so long to reply. After that Allen had simply fallen asleep before Kanda could even reply to the gibberish.


	25. Start of wedding plansvideo chat

**AN: Yay another chapter~. I've fallen back in love with this story after I worked out all my issues with it. So most previous chapters have been edited for typos and such and re-uploaded. Chapter nine was the biggest mess up but I fix it...thank god. I almost quit this story cause of that... Anyway...lesson learned. Always have a back up of your story on a jump drive or something.  
**

**Also...To be clear... Allen doesn't blame Cross for what happened to him. Cross didn't force Allen to pay the debt. Tyki did. Tyki would have found one way or another to get Allen under control. Even if Cross didn't have the debt. Yes Allen one time said he blamed Cross but really he was only saying that to hurt Cross because he was mad that Cross didn't let him die. He didn't mean it. **

Standing in the kitchen Allen was making some tea and getting a glass of wine ready for Cross. Allen usually didn't drink chamomile tea but it was Kanda's favorite and he was missing Kanda even though it had only been like two days since Kanda had went back to work. Once the tea was ready Allen headed to the living room with the drinks setting them on the coffee table. Cross was sitting on the couch looking around, he hadn't really been in the house yet so he didn't know what it looked like on the inside. When he had the piano delivered he was standing in the entryway telling the guys to just put it in the living room. Which worked for Allen luckily. There wasn't really anywhere else to put it.

"So kid...Why did you call me over?" Cross asked after taking a sip of his wine. He hadn't really expected a spam of text messages from Allen yesterday demanding that Cross come over. Well some texts were demanding and some were sweet and pleading...A clear display of Allen's bipolar ways. But from what Cross knew Allen was actually doing a lot better about all of that. Apparently he had changed his medication and added some as well and it seemed to be working as far as Cross could tell. It seemed the biggest change had been Allen's anti-anxiety medication. If he wasn't nervous and anxious there was no need for his bipolar tendencies or for Nea.

"Well... I have a favor to ask of you... You're the closest person I have to family or to a father figure... So...would you mind being the one to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding...?" Allen asked staring down at his tea he held in his hand a blush forming on his cheeks. He was really happy to be getting married to Kanda and really happy that he and Cross were getting along again so he could have Cross there.

"Wow...He moves fast... He only just asked me the other day..." Cross commented setting his glass of wine down looking to Allen.

"Yeah...I know. He told me when he proposed to me... He said he had planned to wait but I said some embarrassing things in front of his family about how much I loved him and he walked off...I thought I had said something wrong...But then he came back from his room and proposed to me. And then I fainted..." Allen confessed blushing more as he did.

"I am not at all surprised you fainted." Cross replied with a chuckle not helping Allen out at all.

"Yeah yeah. Anyway...will you answer my question?" Allen said setting his tea down before he could drop it out of embarrassment. Once Cross stopped laughing he looked to Allen in all seriousness.

"Of course I will kid. I would love to. Thank you for asking." Cross said with a hint of a smile. Allen smiled a little shaking his head some.

"Thank you Cross. It really means a lot that you will do that." Allen said truly grateful that Cross agreed to walk him down the aisle. He didn't really have any reason to doubt Cross saying yes but it had still made him nervous. With that part done there wasn't really anything else that worried Allen about the wedding...Other than what he would wear... If he really did wear a dress then...It would have to be long sleeved or something... Allen groaned as he thought about that. The stupid scars would ruin his wedding. Not the ones that Tyki had given him but the ones he had given himself. The scars he hated the most were the ones on his wrists from a few months ago. Maybe he would just wear a suit like Kanda. It would hide all the scars. Or wait... He could wear white gloves with the dress... Allen let out a soft sigh of relief when the anxiety stopped bubbling up in his stomach over the dress. Cross sat watching Allen go from happy to stressed out then to... okay?

"Everything okay kid?" Cross asked once Allen seemed to be okay again. He had no idea what was going in Allen's head most of the time and he wasn't too sure he wanted to know sometimes.

"Yeah. I'm good. Trying to figure out what to wear to the wedding. But I got it worked out now..." Allen answered with a smile. Cross made a puzzled expression but didn't question it. The talked for a while before Cross had to leave to get back to work. Allen cleaned up the glasses they had used before he got a text message from Kanda. Kanda told Allen that they were having a Skype date later tonight and that Allen needed to be prepared. Allen had no idea what Kanda meant by him needing to be prepared, he figured Kanda just meant that he needed to be signed in and ready to accept the call from Kanda.

* * *

Later that night Allen was sitting on his bed with his laptop on and logged in to Skype. He was drying his hair with a towel since he had just gotten out of the shower, he was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts for pajamas. When his computer started ringing Allen jumped a little before accepting the call. A huge smile grew on his lips when Kanda appeared on his screen.

It was clear Kanda was back in his hotel sitting on his bed as well. Allen still had his towel sitting on his head which made it obvious to Kanda that Allen had just showered.

"Hey Moyashi. All squeaky clean now~?" Kanda asked smirking a little. Allen blushed pulling the towel off of his head tossing it off to the side.

"Sorry... Anyway...How are you?" Allen asked still smiling happy to see Kanda. Yes he had only been gone a short while but it sucked to have to be separated so shortly after getting engaged.

"Busy...Anyway. I have a question. Do you remember when I offered to give you a show if you gave me one?" Kanda asked with a smirk. It took Allen a second to recall what Kanda was referring to but Kanda knew when Allen knew because his face turned bright red.

"Y-Yeah... I remember... Is that...why you called?" Allen asked still blushing. It was highly embarrassing what Kanda was asking for but it made him kind of happy that Kanda liked him that much. He was worried Kanda might one day cheat on him but at the same time re really kind of doubted it given how true to his morals Kanda was.

"Is that okay? Its been really stressful and I figured a nice call with you with some fun could be good for us. Plus its kind of kinky~." Kanda replied his smirk ever present till it faltered a little. "Unless...you don't want to...It's fine either way to be truthful. Don't feel pressured...you can say no." Kanda added on not wanting Allen to feel like he had no say in the matter. Allen always had a say and Kanda wanted him to know that. Which Allen did know that. After their months of dating Allen was well aware he could say no.

"No...It's okay... We can...You...would do it too?" Allen asked still blushing as he looked to Kanda out of the corner of his eye trying to hide his apparent blush.

"Of course I would. That's what I said." Kanda replied with a smile to reassure Allen. There was no way Kanda would make Allen do something like that alone.

"Okay...I uh...It's been a _**long**_ time since I've done this..." Allen said as he shifted in the bed reaching over to his nightstand where he still kept the lotion.

"How long is a long time?" Kanda asked as he watched Allen move around.

"Um... over six years..." Allen admitted as he sat normal in front of the computer again. Kanda's jaw actually dropped a little at that answer. "W-what about you...?" Allen asked blushing even more.

"About a month ago when I was stuck here last time..." Kanda answered leaning back against the headboard a little.

"O-oh... So that's why you jumped me as soon as you got back...?" Allen asked still blushing quite a bit.

"Because I missed you... I missed being able to be close to you." Kanda replied giving Allen a serious look. Allen's eyes cast down feeling a little bad for some reason.

"Okay. So...I just...do as I used to?" Allen asked looking to Kanda again in a much more shy manner.

"Pretty much...Allen." Kanda's use of Allen's real name made Allen look directly at Kanda a little confused. "Tell me truthfully... are you actually comfortable with this?"

"Yu...I'm fine... If I wasn't...I would tell you. It's just...A little embarrassing...because... I like you so much..." Allen admitted looking Kanda straight in the eye. He knew that Kanda was worried about him. But if it was with Kanda it was fine. Allen was completely comfortable with him.

"Okay..." Kanda replied sitting up straight again before pulling off his shirt. Allen sat watching Kanda undressed before he snapped out of his little daze and started to undress as well. Just as Allen was about to remove his shorts his phone went off making him sort of squeak in embarrassment.

"Moyashi...You didn't silence your phone?" Kanda asked as Allen leaned over to see who was calling him. It was Lavi. Allen sighed texting Lavi telling him he was busy before he shut his phone off.

"Sorry..." Allen said before they continued where they had left off. Once both were naked Kanda sat cross legged as Allen sat with his knees sort of bent and for now closed.

"Dear Moyashi I can't see anything if you sit like that..." Kanda commented causing Allen to blush more as he slowly opened his knees some for Kanda to see. "Ah so my Moyashi is enjoying this little idea~." Kanda said with a smirk seeing that Allen was already half hard. Allen quickly covered his member with his hands looking away embarrassed.

"Its your fault..." Allen mumbled still looking away highly embarrassed that he was so obviously turned on by what they were doing.

"It's nothing bad that you like it Moyashi. See?" Kanda said making Allen look at him. It was obvious that Kanda was enjoying it just as much even though they hadn't even actually started anything yet. Seeing Kanda in the same state did calm Allen down a little bit though he was still very nervous about this. He had never ever done such a thing in front of anyone, except Cross but he hadn't known that at the time. "Moyashi look at me." Kanda said softly earning Allen's attention. Allen blushed as he sat watching Kanda's hand which was stroking his already hard member. Yes Allen had seen Kanda's member but watching him pleasure himself somehow felt more intimate.

"See? Just like this? It's fine Moyashi." Kanda said to encourage Allen. Nodding a little Allen spread his legs again before he started to slowly mimic Kanda's hand movements. Soft moans escaped Allen as he stroked his member occasionally stopping to tease the tip a little. "So you like your tip being teased~?" Kanda asked with a smirk as he watched Allen pleasure himself.

"Y-Yu please don't comment..." Allen protested blushing bright red at Kanda's observations. This was embarrassing enough without Kanda's comments on how he pleasured himself.

"Do you have any toys Moyashi?" Kanda asked causing Allen to pause in his work to stare wide eyed at Kanda.

"W-What!? N-No...!" Allen protested rather flustered now. Just what exactly did Kanda plan on having Allen do over video chat!?

"Aw that's a little disappointing... I'll keep that in mind~." Kanda's smirk grew making Allen let out a sort of eep sound. This did not bode well for Allen. How perverted was Kanda exactly?!

"Can I get back to what I was doing now...?" Allen asked his legs slightly closed out of embarrassment.

"Yes yes Moyashi." Kanda chuckled softly as he himself resumed what he was doing. Allen puffed out his cheeks a little before he too continued what he was doing before this strange conversation.

* * *

When they were done pleasuring themselves in front of each other Allen was laying on his side half asleep staring at the screen. Kanda was still sitting up smiling softly at Allen. It was kinda cute how quick Allen was to get tired after doing anything intimate. Maybe with the fact that Allen never really did anything but write left Allen with little stamina... That gave Kanda an idea that would have to wait until he was back with Allen in town.

"Get some sleep Moyashi..." Kanda said softly with a very light smile on his lips.

"You too Yu... sleep well." Allen whispered smiling at Kanda. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you soon." Kanda replied before he hung up on Allen. Sighing Allen closed his laptop before setting it off to the side. Once his bed was cleared Allen curled up under the covers falling fast asleep.


	26. Interview and a run in with the Devil

**AN: I don't really have any notes to say about this one...Really kinda running out of things to say in this...**

**Sorry for such a delay. I've had writers block for this and a little sick right now. Also I think I'm going to take the poll down. Plans have changed.**

"So Kanda is it true you are getting married~?" A reporter asked Kanda as he sat in a chair. Kanda didn't really look all that thrilled to be there but his manager was forcing him to do this stupid interview.

"Yeah but how did you hear about that?" Kanda grumbled at the reporter with narrowed eyes.

"Well a rumor came down the grapevine that you're taking some time off from filming to get married and to go on your honeymoon~." The reporter said with a smile. She was happy to be able to talk to the amazing Yuu Kanda. Though of course she was sad to hear that it was true he was getting married. "So what is she like~? Your fiance?"

"_**He**_ is a Moyashi... Slightly annoying from time to time, but rather loving, likes to cling to me, is pretty good at cooking surprisingly and is secretly the actual writer for the book series we are working to turn into a movie." Kanda said the last bit with a devious smirk.

"BaKanda! That's a secret!" Allen protested from off to the side as he stood watching the interview. Kanda had brought Allen along to this interview because he had only just gotten back into town today and wanted to see Allen but had this stupid interview to do first. Technically he was still spending time with Allen.

"What Moyashi? I thought you said you planned to come out anyway at the next book signing." Kanda replied with a grin. Sometimes Kanda was really cruel.

"Kanda! That hasn't been announced yet!" Allen whined knowing he was going to be scolded for this by his publishers. They were waiting until closer to Allen's reveal to announce that he was admitting he was the true writer of the series. Now Kanda had gone and ruined that...

"Eh? Is that him there?" The reporter asked looking to Allen who squeaked hiding behind Cross who was kind enough to come with him.

"Yep~. That's my Moyashi." Kanda said waving Allen over but Allen fervently shook his head no too embarrassed to go over there. Cross being the evil old man that he was he ushered Allen over to Kanda then retreated back to the side lines. Allen glared at Cross before he smiled chuckling nervously at Kanda and the reporter. He was still a lot awkward around strangers and it was still sometimes hard for Allen to go out of his house but it was a little easier if Kanda or Cross were with him.

"H-Hi..." Allen waved a little before he was pulled into Kanda's lap making him squeak.

"Hi~! So what's your name?" The reporter asked smiling brightly at Allen.

"I-I'm Allen... Its a pleasure to meet you..." Allen greeted bowing his head a little to the reporter.

"Aw you're a cutie. No wonder Kanda fell for you~. So how long have you two been engaged?" She asked grinning from ear to ear.

"Well...We have been engaged for a few months now. We weren't going to tell anyone until _**after**_ the wedding." Allen was clearly scolding Kanda for talking too much about the wedding and his reveal as the author. Kanda seemed unfazed by Allen's scolding. That's okay...Allen would punish him later.

"Oh that's sad. But it makes sense." The reporter chuckled a little with an understanding shrug. "So how did you get into writing then Allen?" The reporter asked rather curious. She was a fan of the books so of course she was happy to meet the real author and talk to him. Allen blushed since the reason he had started writing was a very embarrassing reason for him.

"Well to be honest it was because of Kanda. I used to watch all of his movies and shows when I was in high school. And one day I bought a notebook and started writing...short fanfictions involving Kanda. My series that I am so well known for, the samurai series actually is basically a fanfiction... And for that to turn in to reality is...its unbelievable." Allen replied before smiling tenderly at Kanda. He really was so happy that he met Kanda and that Kanda actually fell in love with him. Kanda actually smiled back at Allen a little which made Allen even more happy.

"Aw that's actually really cute!" The reported commented with a bright smile. She could easily see how much Allen and Kanda loved each other which was a very endearing sight to behold. "So when will the wedding take place?"

"Right now we don't actually have a date set. There's just a lot going in to the planning of the wedding." Allen replied looking to Kanda for affirmation which earned a nod from Kanda. There was so much for them to still plan for the wedding so right now they weren't quite ready to set a date just yet.

"Well that is to be expected. Anyway I hope your wedding goes well. So we actually have another guest joining. One of your co-stars Kanda." The reporter commented happily but both Kanda and Allen tensed up. In a split second Allen was standing up running over to Cross who basically caught Allen in his arms. Everyone but Kanda and Cross were confused as to why Allen had run away.

"Who?" Kanda demanded scowling a little at the interviewer. The poor interviewer flinched a little at Kanda's harshness.

"Um..." She was about to reply but someone else beat her to it. And the voice almost caused Allen to throw up right there. Allen had never wanted to hear that voice again. Turning Allen hid his face in Cross' chest his hands gripping Cross' coat.

"That would be me." Tyki said with a charming smile as he walked up to the group. He had seen and heard everything from a distance and had been very curious how Allen would react to seeing him again.

"Fuck no. We're done here." Kanda growled standing up walking off the set stage storming past Tyki over to Allen. After Kanda had Allen in his arms securely it - looked as if Cross was free and Cross took that opportunity to do what he had wanted to do since he had found out what had happened to Allen. Making his way over to Tyki Cross didn't even care that there was cameras, he just swung punching Tyki right in the face. Tyki was actually knocked over from the force of the blow. Cross kept beating on Tyki until five security men managed to get Cross away from him. Tyki stayed inside as Allen and Kanda followed Cross and the security men out of the building. Sadly Cross was taken by some cops but really no one was surprised by that though. Kanda drove Allen to the police station where Allen bailed Cross out. Now they just had to hope Tyki didn't take Cross to court. But really it would be very unwise for Tyki to take Cross to court because Allen would defend Cross and explain that Cross snapped because of what Tyki did to him. So unless Tyki wanted everyone to find out that he was a pedophile rapist he should leave Cross alone.

* * *

"Fucking idiots." Cross muttered as he sat in the living room of Allen's house. Kanda and Allen were there too of course. Allen was busy with the first aid kit taking care of Cross' knuckles that were a little messed up from punching Tyki. Kanda was busy looking over some papers Allen had out which seemed to be all of Allen's possible ideas for the wedding. Kanda was actually really happy to see how excited Allen seemed to be for the wedding, he was putting so much thought in to the wedding planning.

"Allen...do you plan on wearing a dress?" Kanda asked earning Allen's attention. At first Allen was completely confused but soon saw that Kanda was looking at his notes.

Yu! Don't look at that!" Allen protested reaching over the coffee table snatching the papers from Kanda blushing as he did. "This is all a secret." Allen added so Kanda would understand why he had snatched the papers away. Standing up from sitting on the coffee table Allen sort of ran off upstairs with the papers he had snatched to hide them from Kanda. Allen left most of the papers there for Kanda to see but the ones about what Allen might wear went in to hiding.

"Okay..." Kanda said rather confused but went back to reading the other papers. He noted Allen seemed to have a lot of Japanese themed ideas for the wedding which Kanda actually liked. When Allen came back down he sat on the couch with Kanda sort of curling up with him which Kanda didn't mind.

"I'm hungry..." Allen commented as he wrapped his arms around Kanda's torso nuzzling Kanda's arm a little.

"So get something to eat." Kanda replied still looking at the notes of Allen's. Allen sighed taking Kanda's phone out of Kanda's pocket using it to dial a take out place he often ordered from. He ordered for all of them before hanging up giving Kanda back his phone before cuddling up with Kanda again.

After they all ate Cross left shortly after leaving Allen and Kanda alone. They were still sitting on the couch but Kanda wasn't reading anymore. Instead there was a movie playing on the tv which sort of held Kanda's attention but Allen seemed distracted. But Kanda was soon distracted too when Allen cupped his cheeks making him look at the albino. Allen kissed Kanda tenderly with his eyes closed completely focused on the tender loving kiss he was giving Kanda. At first Kanda was a little off guard to react but soon he wrapped his arms around Allen holding him close kissing Allen deeply turning it in to a tender but heated make out session on the couch. Soon Kanda had Allen down on the couch as they continued to kiss. Kanda's hands now roamed over Allen's body exploring it,he hadn't gotten to touch Allen in two months since he had left for work before.

"Yu..." Allen moaned into the kiss but it was a little slurred since their tongues were dancing together messily. Kanda's hands were under Allen's shirt and one down Allen's pants. Allen had missed such contact from Kanda but it wasn't exactly what Allen had been aiming for when he had kissed Kanda. "N-no wait... Yu." Allen protested putting his hands on Kanda's shoulders making Kanda stop right away. Kanda could tell Allen was serious so of course he stopped right away.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to start anything by the kiss... I just... needed to convey a feeling... I love you Yu... so much. And I'm so sorry but... I have to ask you for your support again... I wish I was strong enough to stand on my own but I'm not quite there yet. I'm getting better thanks to you... so I think it's time to take the next step and face my demons..." Allen said softly as he stated up in to Kanda's eyes. Kanda was a little confused but was clearly listening to Allen completely. "I'm going to take Tyki to court... he needs to be put away for what he did."

"Allen... you never have to ask for my support. I will always support you no matter what. Especially through something like that. It needs to be done and I will help you." Kanda replied in a soft tone before leaning down kissing Allen tenderly on the forehead causing Allen to close his eyes. Kanda would always take care of Allen. He would protect Allen, keep him safe and happy because that made Kanda happy. So Kanda would do anything to help Allen through such difficult times like now.


End file.
